29 quotes
Family Dynamics in a Crisis Situation
Kevin
I made my family disappear!
[has a flashback to what his family told him the night before]
Megan
Kevin, you're completely helpless.
Linnie
You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompétents.
Buzz
Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
Jeff
Kevin, you are such a disease!
Kate
There are 15 people in this house, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank
Look what you did, you little jerk!
Kevin
I made my family disappear.
[smiles, to himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedy About Being Home Alone
Taglines
A Family Comedy Without The Family.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Child's call for help during a robbery.
Kevin McCallister
Help, My house is being robbed. Myaddress is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name's Murphy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kevin's Solo Adventure: Cooking, Cleaning, and Defending
Taglines
When Kevin's Family Left For Vacation, They Forgot One Minor Detail: Kevin. But Don't Worry... He Cooks. He Cleans. He Kicks Some Butt.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sibling Dispute Over Movie Restrictions
Kevin
Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?
Kate
Kevin, I'm on the phone. When do you come back? Not till then?
[on the phone]
Kevin
It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk.
Kate
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad. No, we're not bringing the dog, we're putting it in the kennel for the... Hey, get off! Kevin, out of the room.
[on the phone]
Kevin
Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you?
Kate
This kid.
Peter
Hey, did you pick up a voltage adapter thing, by any chance?
Kate
No, I didn't have time to do that.
Peter
Then how do I shave in France?
Kate
Grow a goatee.
Kevin
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
Peter
I've got something for you to do. Why don't you pick up those Micro-Machines that are in there? Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck.
Kate
He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.
Peter
Didn't we talk about that?
Kevin
Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made ornaments out of fishhooks.
Peter
My new fishhooks?
Kevin
I can't make ornaments out of the old ones with dry worm guts stuck on them.
Kate
Peter.
Peter
Come on, Kevin. Out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Travel Challenges on Christmas Eve
Scranton ticket agent
Everything's full.
Kate
Everything's full?
Scranton ticket agent
I'm very sorry, but it is Christmas Eve.
Kate
What about another airline?
Scranton ticket agent
Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room in the city? Tomorrow afternoon we can get you a flight to Chicago.
Kate
I can't wait that long.
Scranton ticket agent
I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can.
Kate
Go ahead. I'm in your way. I'm sorry. You've got places to go, people to see. You got a ticket there. That's good. Excuse me. Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... Where the hell am I?
[to woman waiting; pushes woman out of the way]
Scranton ticket agent
Scranton.
Kate
I'm trying to get home to my 8-year-old son! Now you're telling me it is hopeless?
Scranton ticket agent
I'm sorry.
Kate
No, no, no, no, no! No way! This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope! I don't care if I have to get on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the Devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.
Scranton ticket agent
Ma'am, if there was anything at all I could do for you...
Kate
Do it. Do anything.
Scranton ticket agent
I can get you a hotel room.
Kate
What?
Gus
Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? Excuse us. You got a bit of a dilemma. We got a crisis ourselves. Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. Polka King of the Midwest? The Kenosha Kickers? No? That's okay. I thought you might have recognized I had a few hits a few years ago. That's why I just... "Polka, Polka, Polka"? "Twin Lakes Polka"? "Yamahoozie Polka" a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
[pulls Kate aside; singing]
Kate
These are songs?
Gus
Yeah, we... Some fairly big hits for us. You know, in the early 70s. Yeah, we sold about 623 copies of that.
Kate
In Chicago?
Gus
No, Sheboygan. Very big in Sheboygan.
Kate
Did you say you could help me?
Gus
Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled, so we gotta drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket over there by the Budget sign? He's gonna rent us a nice big van, and we're gonna drive to Milwaukee. I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago to see your kid or something?
Kate
Uh, my son. We left, and he's there.
Gus
Aw, geez. If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. It's on the way to Milwaukee.
Kate
You'd give me a ride?
Gus
Sure, we will. Why not? You've gotta get home to see your kid.
Kate
A ride to Chicago?
Gus
Sure. Why not? It's Christmastime.
Kate
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Gus
If you don't mind going with some polka bums.
Kate
No, I'd love to.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Old Man Marley Wishes to Join Christmas
Old Man Marley
Merry Christmas. May I sit down?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Wish for No Future Encounters
Kevin McCallister
I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Conflict Over Pizza Dispute
Kate
What is the matter with you?!
[to Kevin]
Kevin
He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and...
Uncle Frank
Look what you did, you little jerk!
[cutting him off]
Kate
Kevin, get upstairs right now.
Kevin
Why?
Jeff
Kevin, you're such a disease.
Kevin
Shut up!
Peter
Kevin, upstairs!
Kate
Say good night, Kevin.
Kevin
Good night, Kevin". Why do I always get treated like scum?
[sarcastically]
Kate
Oh, I am sorry. This house is just crazy. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It's just nuts.
[to Pizza Boy]
Kevin
How come you didn't bring any more cheese pizzas?
Pizza Boy
Nice tip. Thanks a lot.
Kate
Thanks.
Harry
Having a reunion or something?
Kate
My husband's brother transferred to Paris last year. His kids are still there. He missed the family, so he invited us to Paris so we can be together.
Harry
You're taking a trip to Paris?
Kate
Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning.
Harry
Excellent, excellent.
Kate
If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. I'll be right back.
Harry
Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already. And don't worry about your home. It's in good hands.
Kate
There are 15 people in this house. You're the only one who has to make trouble.
[escorting Kevin to the attic after he caused trouble in the kitchen]
Kevin
I'm the only one getting dumped on.
Kate
You're the only one actin up. Now, get upstairs.
Kevin
I am upstairs, dummy. Third floor?
Kate
Go.
Kevin
It's scary up there.
Kate
Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.
Kevin
I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it!
Kate
Fine. We'll put him somewhere else.
Kevin
I'm sorry.
Kate
It's too late. Get upstairs.
Kevin
Everyone in this family hates me.
Kate
Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
Kevin
I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!
Kate
Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.
Kevin
I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't wanna see anybody else, either.
Kate
I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
[feeling hurt]
Kevin
No, I wouldn't.
Kate
Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
Kevin
I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!
[runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mother's Urgent Call for Help
Kevin's Mother
Yeah. Hi, look. I'm calling from ]. I have a son who's ]. Our phones there are out of order.
[[w:Paris|Paris; [w:Home Alone (film)|home alone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Exclamation from Santa Claus
Santa Claus
SON OF A!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Packing a Suitcase
Kevin
I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done it once in my whole life!
Jeff
Tough.
Kevin
That's what Megan said.
Megan
What did I say?
Jeff
You told Kevin "Tough".
Megan
The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to do, shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
Kevin
I'm not an idiot!
Megan
Oh, really? You're completely helpless! Everyone has to do everything for you.
Jeff
She's right, Kev.
Kevin
Excuse me, puke-breath, I'm a lot smaller than you! I don't know how to pack a suitcase!
Linnie
Hey, I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff.
Jeff
Shut up, Linnie.
Kevin
You know what I should pack?
Jeff
Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water.
Linnie
Listen, Kev, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff anyway. You're what the French call "les incompetents".
Kevin
What?
Jeff
Bombs away!
[throws his bag down the stairs which lands at Harry's feet]
Linnie
P.S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he's gonna wet the bed.
Kevin
This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone!
[jumps up and down in frustration as Harry looks up at him]
Rod
Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone?
[taps on the spider's tank]
Buzz
He just ate a load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple weeks. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits?
Rod
Some don't.
Buzz
But they got nude beaches.
Rod
Not in the winter.
Kevin
Buzz?
Buzz
Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?
Kevin
Can I sleep in your room? I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.
Buzz
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass! Check it out. Old man Marley.
Rod
Who's he?
Buzz
You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer?
Rod
No.
Buzz
That's him. Back in 58, he murdered his whole family and half the people on this block... with a snow shovel. Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since.
Rod
If he's the shovel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him?
Buzz
Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. But everyone around here knows he did it. It'll just be a matter of time... before he does it again.
Rod
What's he doing now?
Buzz
He walks up and down the streets every night... salting the sidewalks.
Rod
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
Buzz
No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies into mummies.
Kevin
Mummies!
[whispering]
Buzz
Yeow! Look out!
[as Marley spots them, he quickly closes the curtains]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Complimenting Shoes in a Holiday Encounter
Kevin
Excuse me.
Santa's Elf
Yeah?
Kevin
Hey, nice shoes.
Santa's Elf
Oh, thanks.
Kevin
Is he still here? It's really important that I see him.
Santa's Elf
He's getting in his car. I guess if you hurry, you can catch him.
Santa
Damn! How low can you go! Giving Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
Kevin
Santa, hold on. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Santa
If you make it quick. Santa's got a little get-together he's late for.
Kevin
I know that you're not the real Santa Claus.
Santa
What makes you say that? Just out of curiosity.
Kevin
I'm old enough to know how it works.
Santa
All right.
Kevin
But I also know you work for him. And I'd like you to give him a message.
Santa
Shoot.
Kevin
My name is Kevin McCallister, and my address is 671 Lincoln Boulevard. Do you need the phone number?
Santa
No, that's all right.
Kevin
This is extremely important. Would you please tell him that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys. Nothing but Kate, Peter, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank, okay?
Santa
Okay, I'll see what I can do.
Kevin
Thanks.
Santa
Wait. Hold on a second. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend.
Kevin
That's okay.
Santa
No, no, no, don't be silly. Everybody who sees Santa has gotta get something. Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. Don't spoil your dinner.
[pours out a few mint Tic-Tacs into Kevin's glove]
Kevin
I won't. Thanks.
Santa
SON OF A!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kevin's Detailed Hygiene Routine
Kevin McCallister
I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.
[applies aftershave; pretends to scream]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Determination in the Face of Challenge
Kevin McCallister
You guys give up? Or ya thirsty for more?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kevin's Question About Pizza Order
Kevin McCallister
Did anyone order me plain cheese?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Counting Family Members Before Departure
Kate
Heather, did you count heads?
Heather
11 including me, 5 boys, 6 girls, 4 parents, 2 drivers and a partridge in a pear tree.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Transaction on the Doorstep
Johnny
Who is it?
Snakes
It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
[walks in]
Johnny
Leave it on the doorstep, and get the hell outta here.
Snakes
All right, Johnny. But what about my money?
Johnny
What money?
Snakes
Acey said you had some dough for me.
Johnny
That a fact? How much do I owe you?
Snakes
Acey said 10 percent.
Johnny
Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Snakes
What do you mean?
Johnny
He's upstairs, takin a bath.
Kevin
Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!
[calling out]
Johnny
He'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good keisteroff of my property, before I pump your guts full of lead.
[takes out his Tommy Gun]
Snakes
All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
[about to leave]
Johnny
1, 2, 10!
Johnny
Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
Kevin
MOM!!
[after a pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intruders Attempt to Lure Kevin Out
Harry
Merry Christmas, little fella- we know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. It's Santa Claus and his elf.
Harry
We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv
No, no. We got some nice presents for you.
Harry
Be a good little fella now and open the door. Owww!
[Kevin shoots Harry in the groin; Harry falls to his knees as he mumbles under his breath]
Marv
What? What? What? What? What happened?
Harry
Get that little----!
Kevin
Hello. Yes! Yes!
[shoots Marv in the head; Marv screams in pain]
Marv
That little jerk is armed!
Harry
That's it! That's it! I'm going in the front! You go down the basement! That smart aleck. Oh, boy. That's it, you little... You little... No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you?
[Harry gets his hand burnt, screams in agony and then puts his hand in the snow]
Kevin
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Harry
I'll rip his head off! You're dead, kid. Ahhhhhh! Where are you, you little creep?!
[Harry gets his head blowtorched; He runs out, and puts his head in the snow; kicks the door open]
Marv
Harry, I'm coming in!
Kevin
Oh, no! I'm very scared!
Harry
It's too late for you, kid! We're already in the house! We're gonna get you!
[to Kevin]
Kevin
Okay, come and get me!
Harry
Why, you...! Now you're dead!
Marv
I'm gonna kill that kid!
[climbs in through the window and steps barefoot on the ornaments; screams in pain]
Harry
Marv.
Marv
Harry?
Harry
Why the hell'd you take your shoes off?!
Marv
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
Kevin
I'm up here, you butt heads! Come and get me! You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?
[they slip on the toy cars]
Harry
Heads up! Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you.
[Marv gets whacked by a paint can]
Marv
Harry!
[Harry gets whacked by a paint can]
Kevin
Yes!
Marv
He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him.
Harry
Ah, shut up, will you? What is it?
Marv
Ooh, you're missing some teeth.
Harry
Where? Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him! You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!
Dispatcher
911, what's your emergency?
Kevin
Help, my house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy.
[disguising his voice]
Harry
You never know what's up there. There he is!
[trips over the wire]
Marv
I gotcha! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, get up! Give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me! Get up! I got him.
[jumps over the wire and grabs Kevin by the ankle as he tries to run into the attic; screams as a tarantula is on his face]
Harry
What are you doing, Marv?
Marv
Harry, don't move.
Harry
Marv?
Marv
Don't... move.
Harry
Marv, what are you doing? Marv...
[screams in agony from Marv hitting him with the crowbar to try and kill the tarantula]
Marv
Did I get him? Did I get him? Where is it? Where is it?
Harry
Never mind did you get it! How do you like it, huh?! You jerk! Get that kid! Go on! Get that kid! Where'd he go?
[whacks Marv with the crowbar repeatedly]
Marv
Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin
Down here, you big horse's butt! Come and get me before I call the police!
Marv
Let's get him!
Harry
Wait, wait. That's just what he wants us to do- us to go back downstairs through his fun house so we get all tore up.
Marv
He's gonna call the cops!
Harry
From a treehouse?! Come on.
Marv
Out the window?
Harry
Yeah.
Marv
I'm not going out the window.
Harry
Why, you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? Come on, get out here. Come on. Come on! Keep going. Keep going.
Marv
Let's go back, Harry.
Harry
Shut up. Shut it, Marv!
Kevin
Hey, guys! Check this out.
Harry
Go back! Go back. There he goes! There he is! Get out of the way, you dope!
Marv
There he is!
Kevin
Hey, I'm calling the cops.
Harry
Wait, wait, wait, wait. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. Get over here!
Marv
What are we gonna do to him, Harry?!
Harry
We'll do exactly what he did to us. I'm gonna burn his head with his blowtorch.
Marv
Then we can smash his face with an iron!
Harry
I'd like to slap him right in the face with a paint can, maybe!
Marv
Or shove a nail through his foot!
Harry
The first thing I'm gonna do is bite off every one of those little fingers, one at a time.
[Old Man Marley knocks them both down with a shovel]
Old Man Marley
Come on, let's get you home.
[to Kevin]
Kevin
Wow, this is great.
Officer 1
Nice move. Always leavin the water running. Now we know each and every house that you guys have hit.
Officer 2
Yeah, you know, we've been looking for you two guys for a long time.
Marv
Yeah, well, remember, we're the Wet Bandits. Wet Bandits. That's W-E-T--
Harry
Oh, shut up! Shut up! Get in the car! Hands off the head, pal!
Officer 1
Come on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pizza Delivery Interaction
Johnny
Who is it?
Delivery man
It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Johnny
Leave it on the doorstep and get outta here.
Delivery man
Okay. Um, well, what about the money?
[puts the pizza on the doorstep]
Johnny
What money?
Delivery man
Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Johnny
Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
Delivery man
Uh, that'll be $11.80, sir.
Johnny
Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
Delivery man
Cheapskate.
Johnny
Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off of my property, before I pump your guts full of lead. 1, 2, 10!
Kevin
A lovely cheese pizza just for me.
[picks up the pizza, breaths in and exhales]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter on Christmas Day
Marley
Merry Christmas.
Kevin
Huh?
Marley
May I sit down? That's my granddaughter up there. The little red-haired girl. She's about your age. You know her?
[Kevin nods]
Kevin
No.
Marley
You live next to me, don't you?
Kevin
Yeah.
Marley
You can say hello when you see me. There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? You been a good boy this year?
Kevin
I think so.
Marley
You swear to it?
Kevin
No.
Marley
I had a feeling. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself.
Kevin
It is?
Marley
I think so.
Kevin
Are you feeling bad about yourself?
Marley
No.
Kevin
I've been kind of a pain lately. I said some things I shouldn't have. I really haven't been too good this year. I'm kind of upset about it because I really like my family. Even though sometimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that?
Marley
I think so. How you feel about your family's a complicated thing.
Kevin
Especially with an older brother.
Marley
Deep down, you always love em. But you can forget that you love em. And you can hurt them and they can hurt you. And that's not just because you're young. You wanna know the real reason I'm here right now?
Kevin
Sure.
Marley
I came to hear my granddaughter sing. And I can't hear her tonight.
Kevin
You have plans?
Marley
No. I'm not welcome.
Kevin
At church?
Marley
You're always welcome at church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family moved on the block, I had an argument with my son.
Kevin
How old is he?
Marley
He's grown up. We lost our tempers, and I said I didn't care to see him anymore. He said the same, and we haven't spoken to each other since.
Kevin
If you miss him, why don't you call him?
Marley
I'm afraid if I call him he won't talk to me.
Kevin
How do you know?
Marley
I don't. I'm just afraid he won't talk to me.
Kevin
No offense, but, aren't you a little old to be afraid?
Marley
You can be a little old for a lot of things. You're never too old to be afraid.
Kevin
That's true. I was afraid of our basement. It's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing. It's bothered me for years.
Marley
Basements are like that.
Kevin
I made myself go down to do some laundry... and I found out it's not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
Marley
What's your point?
Kevin
My point is, you should call your son.
Marley
What if he won't talk to me?
Kevin
At least you'll know. Then you could stop worrying about it. You won't have to be afraid anymore. No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to my dad, especially around the holidays.
Marley
I don't know.
Kevin
Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. I'm sure she misses you. And the presents.
Marley
I send her a check.
Kevin
I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a Big Bird knitted on it.
Marley
Oh, that's nice.
Kevin
Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. I have a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
Marley
You better run home where you belong. Think about what I said, all right?
Kevin
Okay.
Marley
It's nice talking to you.
Kevin
Nice talking to you. What about you?
Marley
Me?
Kevin
Yeah, you and your son.
Marley
We'll see what happens. Merry Christmas.
Kevin
Merry Christmas.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Parenting Mistakes and Resilience in Children
Kate
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
Gus
No, you're not. You're just beating yourself up there. This happens. These things happen, you know. You wanna talk about bad parents? Look at us. We're on the road 48, 49 weeks out of the year. We hardly see our families. Joe over there, gosh, you know, he forgets his kids names half the time. Ziggy over there, he's never even met his kid. Eddie... Let's just hope none of them write a book about him.
Kate
Tell me, have you gone on vacation and left your child home?
Gus
No. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was terrible too. I was all distraught and everything. The wife and I, we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor. All day. All day. You know, when we went back at night, when we came to our senses, there he was. Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse. Now, he was okay. You know, after six, seven weeks, he came around and started talking again. They get over it. Kids are resilient like that.
Kate
You know, maybe we shouldn't talk about this.
Gus
Well, you brought it up. I was just trying to cheer you up.
Kate
Well, I'm sorry that I did.
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Buzz Confronts Kevin About His Room
Buzz
KEVIN!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!
[off-screen, shocked]
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Defending My Home Alone Space
Kevin McCallister
This is my house! I have to defend it!
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A Child's Wish for Independence
Kevin McCallister
I made my family disappear.
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A Hilarious Comedy for the Whole Family
Taglines
This Non-Family Comedy is a Real Scream.
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Frustration Over Family Separation
Megan
This is so pointless.
Buzz
What?
Megan
We're here rotting in this apartment, Kevin's at home, Mom's at the airport.
Buzz
So?
Megan
You're not at all worried about Kevin?
Buzz
Why should I be? He's acted like a jerk one too many times, and now he caught it in the butt.
Megan
He's so little and helpless. Don't you think he's flipped out?
Buzz
The trout can use a couple of days in the real world.
Megan
You're not worried that something might happen to him?
Buzz
No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we have smoke detectors. And D, we live in the most boring street in the whole United States of America where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
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Unsettling Feelings and Forgotten Responsibilities
Peter
What's the matter? Honey?
Kate
I have a terrible feeling.
Peter
About what?
Kate
That we didn't do something.
Peter
Oh, no, you feel that way because we left in such a hurry. We took care of everything. Believe me, we did.
Kate
Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter
No, I did.
Kate
Did you lock up?
Peter
Yeah.
Kate
Did you close the garage?
Peter
That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
Kate
No, that's not it.
Peter
What else could we be forgetting?
Kate
KEVIN!!
[after a brief long silence, she shocks and realizes that they’re actually forgetting something]
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Optimism vs. Realism in a Time Crunch
Frank
There's no way on Earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.
Peter
Think positive, Frank.
Frank
You be positive. I'll be realistic.
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