Knocked Up (2007) - Quotes

Unexpected Consequences of a Casual Encounter

Taglines: What if this guy got you pregnant?

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Unexpected Consequences of a Chance Encounter

Taglines: Imagine if this guy got you pregnant

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Comedy About Unexpected Consequences

Taglines: [[w:The 40-Year-Old Virgin|The 40-Year-Old Virgin] From the director of "]" comes a comedy about a one night stand that became something more

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Save the Due Date Tagline

Taglines: Save the due date

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Boundaries in a Confrontation

Ben Stone: I'd like to be in there with Alison without you.

Debbie: OK. I understand how you feel, but this isn't up to you.

Ben Stone: Look, Debbie. You are high off your ass if you think you're coming into that room. If you take one step towards that door, I will tell security there's a crazy chick in a pink dress snatching up babies, OK? So don't even try to come into that room, that's my room now. That little area with the Pepsi machine, that's your area. My room, your area. Stay in your area, stay out of my room. Back... the... fuck... off.

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Bathroom Etiquette and Grooming Concerns

Jay: [sees Alison, embarrassed] Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin rock this shit!

Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin stuffed animal!

Jay: You're embarrassing me in front of company!

Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

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Awkward Conversation About Intimacy and Discomfort

Pete: [after brushing his teeth] ... So what do you think? Should we have sex tonight?

Debbie: Ugh... sounds awful... I'm just really constipated. Do you really want to?

Pete: Well, not now!

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Boredom and Humorous Observations on Life

Martin: Do you ever get so bored, you stare at your balls?

Jonah: [[John Lennon] I bet you do, late ].

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Understanding Where Babies Come From

Sadie: Where do babies come from?

Debbie: Where do you think they come from?

Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he, um, he drops it down and then - and then a hole goes in your body, and there's blood everywhere coming out of your head, and then you push your belly button, and then your butt falls off, and then you hold your butt, and you have to dig, and you find the little baby.

Debbie: That's exactly right.

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Casual Conversation Sparks Curiosity Among Friends

Ben Stone: [Ben knocks on the door at Sadie's birthday party and Sadie answers] Hey! What up, dawg?

Sadie: Where have you been?

Ben Stone: Oh, you know, around.

Sadie: Why is everyone so mad at you?

Ben Stone: They are? What are they saying?

Sadie: Oh, you know. "Blah, blah, blah. Ben's a fool". What's that mean?

Ben Stone: Maniac. It means Maniac.

Sadie: [nods her head and then giggles] Penis.

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A Misunderstanding About a Bong

Alison: I'm sorry I told you to screw your bong.

Ben: It's okay, I didn't.

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Humor in Unexpected Conversations

Alison: Boobs! Boobs and bush!

Ben: All right, credit bush! That's the best; we're not even five minutes in.

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Time Travel Jokes Among Friends

Debbie: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't the two of you go into your time machines and go back in time and each other?

Pete: Who needs a time machine?

Ben: [holds up a glass of liquor] This is my time machine, man.

Pete: I'm gonna throw you into my DeLorean, gun it to 88.

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Misunderstandings about Chicken Pox and Herpes

Debbie: I gotta go. Sadie might have the chicken pox.

Jason: I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it.

Ben: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.

Jason: It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

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Communication in Relationships

Debbie: [crying] I like "Spider-Man".

Pete: Okay, then let's go see Spider-Man 3 next week.

Debbie: I don't wanna see "Spider-Man". I don't want to have to ask you to ask me. I want you to think of it yourself.

Pete: Look, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to you.

Debbie: You think that just because you don't yell, you're not mean? This is mean!

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Neighborhood Concerns and Humor About Safety

Debbie: Look, here are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.

Pete: Looks like your computer has chicken pox.

Debbie: These are sex offenders. They live in our neighborhood.

Pete: Well, we'll skip their houses when we go trick-or-treating. What do you want me to do? Form a posse? (to Ben) I got my six shooter. Ya got your lynchin rope?

Debbie: If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.

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A Father's Affection and Son's Realization

Ben's Dad: I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

Ben: I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?

Ben's Dad: Yes.

Ben: Now I'm starting to feel sorry for you.

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Condom Misuse and Unconventional Advice

Jonah: I can't believe you didn't wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?

Jason: Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use em, man?

Jonah: I can't believe you did this. You messed everything up.

Jason: The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.

Jonah: Well that's true. Everyone knows that.

Jason: What goes up must come down.

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Disagreement on Parenting Responsibilities

Debbie: We have to help them raise the baby.

Pete: Well, no!

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Misunderstandings About Safe Practices

Ben: I assumed you were wearing a patch, or like a--like a dental dam, or one of those butterfly clips or something.

Alison: What is a dental dam?

Ben: It's like Saran Wrap. It's disgusting, but I thought you had one!

Unexpected News and Reactions

Alison: I'm pregnant.

Ben: Fuck off!

Alison: What?

Ben: What?

Alison: I'm pregnant.

Ben: With...emotion?

Alison: With a baby.

Unexpected Morning Realizations

Ben: I'm naked...

Alison: Hmm...

Ben: Did we have sex?

Alison: Yeah.

Ben: Nice.

Misunderstanding of Doggy-Style Terminology

Ben: Do you want to do it doggy-style?

Alison: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.

Ben: I'm not fucking you like a dog. It's doggy-style. It's just in the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Self-Reflection and Unexpected Realities

Pete: Every time when you see yourself you think, how is these monster came here

Comment on Appearance and Style

Pete: You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter.

Marriage Compared to a Long Comedy Show

Pete: [[Everybody Loves Raymond] Marriage is like a freak, unfunny version of ], only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

Frustration Over Doctor's Absence During Labor

Ben: Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. Guess what the fuck's up? Allison is going in labor, and you are not fucking here. No, where are you? You're at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherfucking piece of shit! And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a fucking cap in your ass. You're dead, you're Tupac, you are fucking Biggie, you piece of shit! I hope you fucking die or drop the fucking chair and kill that fucking kid! I hope your plane crashes. Peace, fucker!