31 quotes
Donkey's Take on Worcester Sauce
Donkey
Worcester-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
Donkey
Like the sauce? Mmm. It's spicy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Deciding to Leave the Situation Behind
Shrek
That's it! We're leaving!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Attack in Shrek the Third
Donkey
LOOK OUT! THEY GOT A PIANO!
[scared]
Captain Hook
Kill em all. Except the fat one. King Charming has something special in mind for you, ogre.
[points to Shrek]
Shrek
King Charming"?
Captain Hook
ATTACK!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Among Friends and Allies
Fiona
Charming, let go of her!
Fiona
What?
[anonymous]
Fiona
Rapunzel, how could you?
Rapunzel
Jealous much?
Prince Charming
Soon you’ll be back where you started… scrubbing floors or locked away in towers; that is, if I let you last the week.
Rapunzel
But Pooky, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
Prince Charming
Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange Among Friends
Donkey
Man, I have not been on a trip like that since college.
[in Puss' body, groans]
Shrek
Donkey?
Donkey
What? Is there something in my teeth? What the-? Oh, no! I have been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feasting, second rate sidekick!
[in Puss' body, confused; gasps in horror, and looks around himself, then realizes that he is in Puss' body]
Puss
At least you don't look like some kind of bloated roadside of pinata! You should think about going on a diet!
[in Donkey's body, falls on the ground; groans]
Donkey
Yeah, you should think about getting yourself a pair of pants! I feel all exposed and nasty! Oh, so you two think this is funny?!
[in Puss' body; covers himself as if being naked; Shrek and Artie laugh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Participation in the Mascot Contest
Shrek
We're here for the mascot contest, too.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Team Name Among Friends
Donkey
Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
[in Puss' body]
Pinocchio
But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man
As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf
I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey
All right, all right, all right! From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
[in Puss' body, annoyed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misunderstanding in the Classroom
Artie
Please, don't eat me.
[to Shrek]
Students and Teacher
Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!
Shrek
I'm not here to eat him!
Students and Teacher
Aww.
[groaning]
Shrek
It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You are the new king of Far Far Away.
Artie
What?
Lancelot
Artie? King? More like a Mayor of Loserville!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Prince Charming Seeks Redemption and Drinks
Prince Charming
What does a Prince have to do to get a drink around here? Ah, Mabel, why they call you an ugly stepsister I'll never know. Where's Doris, taking the night off?
[Mabel turns around in front of him]
Mabel
She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Charming?
[spits into the mug; wipes the mug with a cloth]
Prince Charming
Oh, not much, just a chance at redemption... and a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!
[laughs; stands up and turns to the villains]
Captain Hook
We're not your friends. And you, don't belong here.
[Mabel grabs Prince Charming by his shoulders and pins him on top of the bar; he then places his hook against his neck]
Prince Charming
You are right, oh, I mean, you are absolutely right, but I mean, do any of us?
Cyclops
Do a number on his face!
Prince Charming
No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White and then what happened?
[to the Evil Queen]
Evil Queen
Oh, what's it to you?
Prince Charming
They left you the un-fairest of them all. And now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel?
Evil Queen
Pretty unfair.
[remorsefully]
Prince Charming
And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father.
[to Stromboli]
Stromboli
I hate that little wooden puppet.
Prince Charming
And Hook...need I say more? And you! Frumpy-pigskin.
[turns to Hook; Hook backs off, feeling insecure about his appendage]
Rumpelstiltskin
Rumpelstiltskin.
Prince Charming
Where's that first-born you were promised? Mabel, remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot into that tiny glass slipper? Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now, eating bonbons, cavorting with every little last fairy-tale creature that has EVER done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story. And our side has not been told. So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their Happily Ever After?!
[Rumpelstiltskin caresses a pacifier tattoo on his forearm; to Mabel; Mabel sighs remorsefully; turns his attention to all the villains]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Shrek's Concern for Fiona and Arthur
Shrek
Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you.
[confronts Charming in the dressing room]
Prince Charming
Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time.
[presses a button]
Shrek
Where's Fiona?
[grabs him]
Prince Charming
Don't worry. She and the others are safe, for now. Let me guess. Arthur.
[grins evilly; the guards burst in and hold Artie hostage. Shrek puts him down]
Artie
It's "Artie", actually.
[facing him]
Prince Charming
This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still so I won't make a mess.
[laughs and held the dagger to Artie's throat]
Shrek
Charming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him.
Artie
Then who's this about? I'm supposed to be king, right?
Shrek
You weren't really next in line for the throne, I was!
Artie
But you said the king asked for me personally.
[angered]
Shrek
Not exactly.
Artie
What's that supposed to mean?
Shrek
Look, I said whatever I had to say, alright? I wasn't right for the job, I just needed some fool to replace me, and you fit the bill! So, so just go!
Artie
You were playing me the whole time?
[shocked and hurt]
Shrek
You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought.
Artie
You know, for a minute there...I actually thought you...
Prince Charming
What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek.
[Artie breaks free from the guards and glares at Shrek before storming out the dressing room in anger. Shrek feels guilty]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Search for Arthur in the Contest
Shrek
Arthur! Oh, Arthur! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Donkey
Yeah, you better run, you little punk no-goodniks! Cause the days of little Donkey Dumpy Drawers are OVER!
[angrily]
Hall Monitor
Uh, hold it.
Student 1
We're here for the mascot contest.
Student 2
Grr!
Shrek
We're here for the mascot contest, too.
[pleased with himself]
Hall Monitor
This is a costume?
[suspicious; reaches out and starts painfully pinching and pulling Shrek's skin]
Shrek
Ay! Worked on it all night long.
[trying to hide the pain; struggling not to scream in agony]
Hall Monitor
Looks pretty real to me.
[lets Shrek's face snap back into the place, and still suspicious]
Puss in Boots
If he were real, could I do this?
[uses his claws to scratch deep into Shrek's butt]
Donkey
Or this?
[kicks Shrek hard in the groin with his hind legs]
Shrek
If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.
[winces, sweats, and unbelievably strained]
Donkey
Now watch this!
Shrek
That's quite enough, boys.
[interrupting; through gritted teeth]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Artie Calls for Silence
Artie
Everybody, stop!
[off-screen]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Among Unlikely Companions
Shrek
Listen, Artie. Eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or whatever, but what I am screamin is, yo, check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! I mean if it doesn't groove or what I'm sayin ain't straight trippin just say, "Oh, no you didn't! You know, you're gettin on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's... then I'll - I'll know it's whack!
[gets hit in the face with a branch that Artie had evidently pulled back]
Artie
SOMEBODY HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER WHO'S TRYING TO RELATE TO ME! Help! Hello?!
[runs up to Merlin's house; knocks on the door of a tree incessantly]
Merlin
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare- I knew I should have got that warranty.
[the holograph cuts off; comes out the front door and says; bangs on the holograph, which gives him an electric shock]
Artie
Mr. Merlin?
[recognizes his former teacher]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Surprising Realities of Royalty
Artie
I can't believe it. Me, a king? I… I mean I knew I came from royalty and all, but I just figured everyone forgot about me.
Shrek
Oh, no, the King asked for you personally.
Artie
Really? Wow. Look, I know it’s not all gonna be fun and games.
Shrek
It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle.
Artie
Boat with the bottle? Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.
Shrek
Well, I’ve heard it’s harder than it looks.
[chuckles sheepishly]
Artie
Whoa. This is gonna be huge. Parties, princesses, castles… princesses.
Donkey
It’s gonna be great, Artie. You’ll be living in the lap of luxury. They got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order.
Puss
And fortunately you’ll have the royal food tasters.
[jumps up onto the railing next to Artie]
Artie
Oh, yeah? What do they do?
[intrigued]
Puss
They taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it’s not poisoned.
Artie
Poisoned?
Shrek
Or too salty.
[senses trouble and immediately steps in; tries to shut Puss and Donkey up]
Donkey
Don’t worry about it. You’ll be safe and sound with the help of your bodyguards.
[to Artie]
Artie
Bodyguards?
Puss
All of them, willing at a moment’s notice to lay down their own lives out of devotion to you.
Artie
Really?
Puss
Si, and the whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance.
Donkey
Just make sure they don’t die of famine.
Puss
Or plague.
Donkey
Oh, plague is bad.
Puss
The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores.
Shrek
Oh. Festering sores. Hey, you are one funny kitty cat.
[interrupts with a mock laugh; sternly to Puss]
Puss
What did I say?
Shrek
We don’t want Artie here getting the wrong idea. Uh, Artie?
[motions to Artie, but he is gone. They all look around.]
Captain
Oh, there goes my hip.
Shrek
Artie! What are you doing?
[turns the wheel the other way]
Artie
What does it look like?!
Shrek
This really isn't up to you.
Artie
But I don't know anything about being king!
[falls underneath the wheel and stands up shoving the wheel back the other way]
Shrek
You'll learn on the job!
Artie
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm going back.
Shrek
Back to what? Being a loser?! Now look what you did!
[As soon as the word leaves his lips, Shrek knows he’s gone too far. Stung, Artie lets go of the wheel, leaving Shrek to yank hard on it. He pulls the steering column from the decking.]
Artie
Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief?
Donkey
SHREK!!
[climbs up onto the railing and is seasick and about to puke when he sees jagged rocks ahead]
Captain
LAND HO!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pinocchio's Confusing Response to Prince Charming
Prince Charming
You! You can't lie. So, tell me, puppet... where is Shrek?
Pinocchio
Well...I don't know where he's not.
[turns his body around, thinks nervously]
Prince Charming
You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
[gets in Pinocchio's face]
Pinocchio
It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume, that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
[still a little nervous]
Prince Charming
So you do know where he is.
Pinocchio
On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way. With any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably.
Prince Charming
Stop it.
[angrily]
Pinocchio
I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean that I wouldn't completely not know where he wasn't.
[Captain Hook scratches his head, even the Three Little Pigs are frustrated]
Gingy
]"] On the good ship Lollipop...
[continues to singing "[[w:Lollipop (1958 song)|Lollipop Song]
Heimlich
ENOUGH! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir!
[gasps in horror for Shrek's reveal and Pinocchio chuckles nervously]
Prince Charming
He’s bringing back the next heir?
Pinocchio
No!
[Pinocchio's nose gets longer]
Prince Charming
Hook! Get rid of this new king.
Captain Hook
Right!
Prince Charming
But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him.
Pinocchio
He'll never fall for your tricks!
[Pinocchio's nose gets longer again]
Big Bad Wolf
Oh, boy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Puss in Boots Reflects on Love and Fate
Puss in Boots
It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny, but I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you... And you... And, uh...hi. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I gotta go.
[talking to cats; another female cats talking; to another female cat; more cats get angry at each other; the cats yowl and screech; then leaves on the journey]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Final Request from Harold
Harold
I'm dying.
[inhales and launches into a violent coughing fit. Shrek looks a bit guilty about his last admission. Queen Lillian comes to the King’s aid and he settles down.]
Queen Lillian
Harold.
Harold
Don’t forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.
[Queen Lillian is used to these kind of non-sequiturs.]
Queen Lillian
Of course darling.
[The King suppresses a few coughs. He turns to his daughter.]
Harold
Fiona…
Fiona
Yes, Daddy?
Harold
I know I’ve made many mistakes with you.
Fiona
It’s okay.
Harold
But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son.
[Fiona smiles. The King addresses Shrek.]
Shrek
And I’m proud to call you my Frog… King Dad in-law.
[smiles]
Harold
Now, there is a matter of business to attend to.
[wheezes and coughing passes out]
Puss
The frog king...is dead.
[Fiona starts weeping. The King suddenly wakes up, coughing.]
Donkey
Put your hat back on, fool.
[to Puss]
Harold
Shrek, please come hither.
[Fiona gives Shrek a look. Shrek walks over to the King.]
Shrek
Yeah, Dad?
Harold
This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne.
Shrek
Oh! Next in line. Now you see Dad, that’s why people love you. Even on your deathbed you’re still making jokes. Oh, come on Dad… an ogre as king? I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I mean, there’s got to be somebody else. Anybody!
[laughing; laughs with point; The King stares at Shrek, stone-faced. Shrek leans in closer.]
Harold
Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.
Shrek
Really? Who is he, Dad?
Harold
His name is... is...
Shrek
What's his name? What's his name?!
Harold
...is-
[wheezing]
Fiona
Daddy!
[A fly comes out of his mouth and flies away. Puss starts to take his hat off. The fly buzzes into frame. A harold's tongue catches it. Puss puts his hat back on.]
Harold
His name is Arthur.
[after swallowing a fly and one last time]
Shrek
Arthur?
Harold
I know... you'll do what's right--
[coughing; exhaling; He's sick for real]
Queen Lillian
Harold?
[emotionally]
Shrek
Dad? Dad! Dad?
[King Harold doesn't respond; his ears droop]
Donkey
Do your thing, man.
[to Puss; emotionally; Puss takes his hat off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Fiona's Fate
Captain Hook
YA COWARDS!
Shrek
What has Charming done with Fiona?!
[barges to Hook]
Captain Hook
She's gonna get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him!
[raises his hook, but gets caught on an Evil Tree's branch and is dragged away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles of an Ogre's Identity
Shrek
Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre! I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Shrek Seeks Arthur Pendragon's Location
Shrek
Now, where can I find Arthur Pendragon?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Lameness between Artie and Merlin
Artie
This is lame.
Merlin
You're lame.
[whacks him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dinner Theater Discontent
Prince Charming
Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower, where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming!
[Lightning cracks. Thunder booms. Charming straddles a wooden hobby horse and gallops in place. A stage hand uses a bellow to blow air into Prince Charming's face and hair. Another stage hand turns a crank that creates the moves background. In the orchestra, a man uses coconuts to create the sound effects of a galloping horse. Two more stage hands back stage create the cheap sound effects of thunder and lightning. A crudely constructed castle tower sits in front of a cheaply painted backdrop. The Fairytale Creatures are sitting at a table in the audience]
Gingerbread Man
This is worse than "Love Letters". I hate dinner theater!
Pinocchio
Me, too.
[his nose grows]
Prince Charming
Whoa there, Chauncey!
[rides to the base of the tower; dismounts and sets his hobby horse on the ground, and strikes a dramatic pose]
Actress
Hark! The brave Prince Charming approacheth.
[as the princess, leaning from the tower window]
Prince Charming
Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you, then take my place as rightful king.
[puffing his chest out; An old couple at a table look confused]
Old Lady
What did she say?
[to the old man; Prince Charming glares as the bored audience largely ignores him. A man dressed in a prince too costume comes onto the stage. The whole crowd erupts into applauses]
Gingerbread Man
Yeah! It's Shrek!
Little Pigs and Pinocchio
Whoo, Shrek, yeah!
Prince Charming
Prepare, foul beast, to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar!
[ignoring the cheers, pulls out his sword, and confronts the prince]
Waiter
Happy birthday to thee / Happy birthday to thee
[singing while carrying a birthday cake]
Prince Charming
Do you mind?!
[hops out of the way when a chair lands on stage. It slides past him and bumps into the tower facade]
Gingerbread Man
Do you mind?! Boring!
[The audience laughs]
Prince Charming
Prepare, foul beast... Someday, you'll be sorry.
[glares at them, then rises to recover, and points his sword at the monster again. The tower facade starts to topple; looks over his shoulder and sees the facade falling. He cringes. The scenery slams against the stage, but Prince Charming is unharmed, perfectly framed in the princesses' window. The crowd laughs at the embarrassed Prince Charming. He shakes his mangled sword at the audience]
Heckler
We already are!
[off-screen; They laugh again. Prince Charming throws down his sword, picks up his hobby horse, and exits]
Ogre Mascot
Grr!
[The song and the laughter follow Prince Charming backstage. Prince Charming walks through a tunnel backstage that leads to a door. The door has a star with his name written on it. He opens it. Prince Charming sits at his broken vanity and sobs. His make-shift dressing room is in an alley way next to the theater. Horses whinny as a carriage passes by. The castle of Far Far Away can be seen on the hill in the background. Prince Charming breaks down and cries. He looks up and sees a picture of the Fairy Godmother taped to the vanity. "Don't stop believing! Mommy's Little Angel" is written on the picture]
Prince Charming
Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can’t!! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother, I will restore dignity to my throne! And this time, no one will stand in my way.
[heavy sobs; weeps again and then looks back at the picture. A determined change grows across his face; looks at the castle on the hill. He stands up, faces the castle, and holds his chin up high; a big gust of wind blows a newspaper page across his face. He peels it off and looks at the headline. His eyes tense and narrow. In the newspaper is a picture of Shrek and Fiona waving to the crowd; crumples up the newspaper in his fists. The camera booms down from the Far Far Away sign. The sun rises and the birds sing. The sun shines through the bedroom window as the camera pans over to Shrek and Fiona waking up]
Shrek
Good morning.
Princess Fiona
Good morning. Morning breath.
[dreaming]
Shrek
I know. Isn't it wonderful?
[dreaming]
Donkey
Good morning, good morning! The sun is shining through / Good morning, good morning To you! And you! And you! They grow up so fast.
[singing; Shrek sinks further into the blankets as the Dronkeys exuberantly lick him. Fiona is amused; coming closer and closer to Shrek; to Fiona; to the Dronkeys; the Dronkeys fly out of the room, knocking down everything in their path as Puss comes in]
Shrek
Not fast enough.
[greatly annoyed; lifts his hand and snuffs out a little fire on the bed]
Puss in Boots
Okay. You have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir.
[leaps onto the bed]
Shrek
Great! Let's get started.
[very sarcastically; immediately pulls the covers up over his head and starts to snore]
Donkey
Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving! AAH!!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!
[yanks off the sheets, surprised to see Shrek's bare legs]
Shrek
I knight thee. Heh, heh. Ooh.
[holding the sword, then looks at Puss, who indicates how to knight a person with his own sword; accidentally stabs the knight in the head]
Donkey
Well, since you're filling in for one, you might as well look like a real king. Can somebody come in here and work on Shrek, please?!
Raul
Ahem. I will see what I can do.
[stares at Shrek, who raises his eyebrow]
Princess Fiona
Ow!
Donkey
Oh!
Puss in Boots
Yeah, wow.
[rolls his eyes]
Princess Fiona
Uh, is this really necessary?
[feeling uncomfortable]
Raul
Ho, ho. Quite necessary, Fiona.
[to Shrek]
Prince Shrek
I'm Shrek, you twit.
Raul
Whatever.
Puss in Boots
Okay, peoples. This isn't a rehearsal. Let's see some hustle!
Donkey
Smiles, everyone! Smiles!
Prince Shrek
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up Fiona.
Princess Fiona
I'm sorry, Shrek, but can you please just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek?
[Shrek lets out another frustrated sigh]
Prince Shrek
Yeah.
Princess Fiona
You look handsome.
Prince Shrek
Ah. Come here, you. Oh, my butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Oh. Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?
[she gives him a supportive smile. He relaxes and smiles back. Fiona puckers up her lips and he leans in for a kiss, but their bulky outfits prevent it. They let out a huge breath of air; tries to scratch his butt but to no avail; whistles; a man holding a ruby scepter walks over to him]
Fiddlesworth
Uh, Fiddlesworth, sir.
Prince Shrek
Hoo-hoo-hoo. Perfect.
Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, Prince Shrek! and Princess Fiona
Prince Shrek
Ahh! You've done it. A little to the left, yeah. That's great.
Princess Fiona
Uh, Shrek?
Prince Shrek
Ahh! All right, you got it...Oh yeah, you're on it. Oh, that's it! Oh, that's good.
Princess Fiona
Shrek...
Shrek
Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. That's great!
Princess Fiona
Shrek!
[Shrek and Fiddlesworth finally see the crowd. They both freeze. Shrek laughs nervously. Suddenly, Shrek's belt buckle snaps off and hits Donkey in the eye]
Donkey
Ow! My eye! My eye!
[stumbling through the crowd, screamed; grabs hold of a lady in the crowd]
Woman
What are you doing?!
[pushes Donkey away. He falls, knocks over a guard holding an axe on his way down. The guard drops the axe. It flies past Puss, who is in the arms of a lady. The axe knocks over a vase. The vase flies up on stage and Fiona maneuvers to catch it. In flight, water spills out of the vase which causes Fiona to fall over. Shrek's tuxedo bib slaps him in the face. The clasp holding Shrek's pants up breaks off. Shrek stands on stage with his pants around his ankles. He shuffles towards Fiona]
Shrek
Fiona!
[trips over his pants and hits a loose wooden plank on the stage. The plank flings up and sends Fiddlesworth flying through the air where his jacket slips over a banner pole, trapped him]
Fiddlesworth
Uhhh...
[whimpers]
Shrek
Are you okay?
[has reached Fiona who is still lying on the floor]
Princess Fiona
Yeah. I'm fine.
[her eyes widen]
Fiddlesworth
Ahhhh!!!
[his jacket rips and he falls onto a waiter carrying flaming skewers; The skewers fly through the air. Donkey stands up in frame with one eye half shut. The flaming skewers shoot by him and land in the curtains, setting them on fire]
Donkey
Oh! Shrimp! My favorite!
[blows one of the skewers out and takes a bite. The fire causes a Far Far Away shield to detach from a wooden ceiling beam and fall onto the stage, breaking it in half. The whole stage collapses in the middle. The buffet tables slide toward Shrek and Fiona at the other end and collide. Crash! Bang!]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Among Characters in Shrek the Third
Artie
Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!
Shrek
Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
Artie
He's a star, people! Hello?! I'm Sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
Shrek
I'm gonna lose it!
[continues trying to keep his cool]
Artie
I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
Donkey
Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño honey butter. Because our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño HONEY BUTTER!!!!
[in Puss' body; aggravated]
Shrek
I just lost it.
Guard
Maybe we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
Puss
Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, i promise!
[in Donkey's body]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Attention Among Friends
Princess Fiona
Shrek!
[suddenly feels a bump in her stomach]
Shrek
Yeah?!
Princess Fiona
Wait!
Shrek
What is it?!
Princess Fiona
I'm... I'm...
[taking a deep breath; but was cut off by the ship captain's foghorn]
Shrek
I love you too, honey!
[laughs]
Princess Fiona
No! No, I said I'm-
[gets cut off by the foghorn again]
Shrek
You're what?!
[grabs the foghorn from the captain and throws it overboard]
Princess Fiona
I said I'm pregnant!
Shrek
Oh... what was that?!
[can't believe his ears]
Princess Fiona
You're going to be a father!
Shrek
That's great.
[laughs nervously]
Princess Fiona
Really?! I'm glad you think so! I love you!?
Shrek
Yeah... Me, too. You...
[smiles back at Fiona; laughs nervously]
Donkey
I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!!
[pops up onto the railing]
Puss in Boots
And you, my friend, are royally-
[the different foghorn blasts again as the boat disappears into the fog]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Journey to the Soul in Shrek the Third
Shrek
Quiet! Alright, alright, journey to the soul.
[?]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Responsibility and Titles
Shrek
Oh, nice going, Your Highness.
[to Artie shortly after they crash the ship]
Artie
Oh, so now it's "Your Highness"? What happened to "loser", huh?
Shrek
Hey! If you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn't! We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another. And you're gonna be a father!
Artie
What?
[confused]
Donkey
You just said "father".
[clears his throat, to Shrek]
Shrek
I said king! You're gonna be king!
[to Artie]
Artie
You're gonna be king!" Yeah, right.
[imitates Shrek; reverts back to his normal voice; walks away]
Shrek
Where do you think you're going?!
Artie
Far Far Away... from you!
Shrek
You get back here, young man, and I mean it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing honesty and natural expression
Shrek
Better out than in, I always say.
[chuckles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Among Fairy Tale Characters
Donkey
We went to high school, the boat crashed, and we've got Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Booped by the magic man!
[in Puss' body]
Doris
You poor sweet things.
Cinderella
I don't get it.
[confused]
Snow White
The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?
Sleeping Beauty
Huh? Who dat?
[wakes up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern Over Unforeseen Circumstances
Shrek
Well, somebody better be dying.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Search for Arthur in Shrek the Third
Shrek
Oh, Arthur, come out, come out, wherever you are!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Captain Hook and Mother
Captain Hook
Well, well, well! If it isn't Peter Pan!
[looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook]
Mother
His name's not Peter!
Captain Hook
Shut it, Wendy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.