30 quotes
Max Bialystock's Frustration with a Character
Max Bialystock
What are you shooting at us for, you teutonic TWIT?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Timing of Bloomsday
Leo Bloom
When's it gonna be Bloomsday?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bold Promise of Adventure
Max Bialystock
I'll send you to the moon Thursday. I may even join you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Escape Before It's Too Late
Max Bialystock
Let's get out of here before they kill us.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning a Lack of Rhythm
Max Bialystock
What are you in for, lack of rhythm?
[to a prisoner in Sing Sing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Ovation from a Seated Audience
Max Bialystock
Even though we're sitting down, we're giving you a standing ovation.
[to Ulla]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Max Bialystock's Rhetorical Conversation Moment
Max Bialystock
Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day of Unexpected Encounters
Leo Bloom
And what a day! In the same day I have taken the Siegfried oath, I've danced with a cop, a sailor and an extremely friendly Cherokee Indian.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Perception and Hidden Depths
Max Bialystock
There's a lot more to you than there is to you! What the fuck?
[mouthed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Financial Gain
Max Bialystock
Dear Lord... I want that money!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Younger Guests on the Couch
Max Bialystock
For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation for a Beloved Blanket
Leo Bloom
MY BLUE BLANKET! GIVE ME BACK MY BLUE BLANKET!! AAAAARGH!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Letter from Rio to Max
Max Bialystock
Dear Max, Rio is everything you said it was and more. Ulla and i think of you every chance we get. In the morning, when we have Breakfast on our Terrace, many different Herrings. In the afternoon, we rub each other's sun-drenched bodies with Banana Cream Coconut Oil, Number 15. And then, in the evening, when we samba together in the moonlight.... Sorry, must run, Ulla's waiting. It's almost 11, wish you were here. Your pal, Leo!
[reading a postcard]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflecting on Mistakes in The Producers
Max Bialystock
We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Change and Adventure
Leo Bloom
Stop the world! I wanna get on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of a Smile and Sanity
Max Bialystock
Well, you know what they say: "smile and the world smiles with you." This man should be in a straightjacket!
[To Leo; to bust]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Max Bialystock's Audition Directive
Max Bialystock
Please make audition - make audition allll over the office.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mistaken Identity of Courage
Leo Bloom
Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've made a terrible error in judgement. You've mistaken me for someone with a spine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Allure of Opportunity
Max Bialystock
Smell it. Touch it. Kiss it. Kiss it! It's the mother lode...
[holding play]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of a CPA's Character
Leo Bloom
You were right about one thing. You are a CPA - a certified public asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concealing the Truth in Plain Sight
Max Bialystock
...She painted over the numbers...
[After Ulla has painted the entire room white, he goes to the safe with the tax books]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Demand for Books Amidst Nervous Energy
Max Bialystock
Leo, you are nervous, over-stimulated. GIVE ME THOSE FRIGGIN BOOKS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing Show Business Over Mundane Tasks
Leo Bloom
I'm not going into the toilet! I'm going into show business!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Intimacy and Connection
Max Bialystock
Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identifying a Controversial Character in The Producers
Max Bialystock
THAT'S OUR HITLER!
[after seeing Franz perform at the auditions]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation and Discontent in The Producers
Max Bialystock
As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant cock-a-roach. Nah, too good.
[reading a play; speaking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Departure with a Taxi Call
Max Bialystock
And now I'll be on me way, before me voice gets any higher! As we say in the old country... TAXI!
[with a very high Irish accent; normal voice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity Crisis in a Moment of Despair
Max Bialystock
I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa! And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch, in a worn but clean gingham gown... And I hear my mama calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin and the cows need a-milkin'! Alvin! Alvin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?! I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx! Leo's taken everything... even my past!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Producers - Leo Bloom
Leo Bloom
FAT! FAT! FAT-FAT-FATTY-FAT!!!
[Going hysterical, and pointing at Bialystock]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Movie Experiences
Leo Bloom
I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.