26 quotes
Misunderstanding About the Poor
Robin Hood
The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all?
Randall
Who?
Robin Hood
The poor.
Randall
The poor?
Robin Hood
Oh, you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Supreme Being's Self-Awareness Statement
Supreme Being
Well I am the Supreme Being. I'm not entirely dim.
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Embracing the Thrill of Evil
Evil
Oh, Benson! I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins, filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong! I feel so bad, Benson!
Benson
Good! Good!
Evil
Yes, it is good, for this is the worst kind of badness that I'm feeling!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Unusual Goodness
Evil
Suddenly, I feel very, very good.
Robert
Oh, I'm sorry, Master.
Evil
No, it'll pass, it'll pass.
Benson
Shall I bring them in, Master?
Evil
Yes, Benson. Bring them into the Time of Legends!
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A Tense Moment Over Food Choices
Vermin
Rat, anybody? Might be the last meal you get.
Randal
Oi, leave off!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Work Ethic Beyond Life and Death
Supreme Being
Dead? No excuse for laying off work.
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The Quest for Technological Supremacy
Evil
When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding.
Minion
Uh, understanding of what, Master?
Evil
Digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being! God isn't interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how He spends His time! Forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!
Robert
Slugs.
Evil
Slugs! He created slugs. They can't hear! They can't speak! They can't operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic?... If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, day one! Sorry.
[accidentally zaps a minion, who screams]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty After the First Heist
Kevin
Is it always like this after you've done a raid?
Fidgit
I don't know. We've never done one before.
Kevin
But I thought you were international criminals.
Randall
Going to be. Going to be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Depths of Dreams and Reality
Taglines
All the dreams you've ever had - and not just the good ones...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Robin Hood's Promises to the Poor
Robin Hood
Oh yes, and believe you me, the poor are going to be, well not just absolutely thrilled, but also considerably less poor. Aren't they Redgrave?
Robin Hood
You see- what did he say?
Marion
He says yeah, what with Christmas coming up and all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparation for Mind Control Directive
Evil
Stand by for mind control!
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Debate on Robin Hood's Character and Legacy
Kevin
I'll never get the chance to meet Robin Hood again.
Randall
Oh, stop moaning. He's obviously a dangerous man, unbalanced if you ask me. Giving away what isn't even his!
Kevin
That's what Robin Hood always did. Even I know that.
Randall
Of course, you know it all.
Kevin
He was one of my heroes.
Randall
Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation Amidst Unexpected Danger
Fidgit
I wanna go home! I can't stand it! You're gonna get us all killed, Randall!
Randall
Stop whimpering Fidget! How was I to know we were gonna run slap bang into an iceberg? It didn't say Get off before the iceberg on the ticket!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divine Decisions and Consequences in Time Bandits
Supreme Being
I should do something very extroverted and vengeful to you. Honestly, I'm too tired. So, I think I'll transfer you to the undergrowth department, brackens, small shrubs, that sort of thing... with a 19% cut in salary, backdated to the beginning of time.
Randall
Oh, thank you, sir.
Supreme Being
Yes, well, I am the nice one.
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The Imperfections of the Universe Explained
Randall
You see, to be quite frank, Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of botched job, you see. We only had seven days to make it. And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes. Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinking rich?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Claiming Power Over the World
Evil
I have the map! I have the map! And the day after tomorrow... The world!
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Conflict Over Leadership in a Gang
Randall
Look, do you want to be leader of this gang?
Strutter
No, we agreed: No leader!
Randall
Right. So shut up and do as I say.
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Unexpected Edibility in Time Bandits
Wally
Vermin, that is not meant to be eaten.
Vermin
You never know till you've eaten it!
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Divine Creation and Its Incompetence
Evil
What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent?
Baxi Brazilia III
But He created you, Evil One!
Evil
What did you say?
Baxi
Well He created you, so He can't be totally—
[Evil blows him to bits]
Evil
Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long before good. I made myself. I cannot be unmade. I am all powerful!
[Minions applaud]
Cartwright
But why, if that's the case, are you unable to escape from this fortress?
[Evil obliterates him]
Evil
It's a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?
Robert
Because you—
Evil
Shut up. I'm speaking rhetorically.
Robert
Oh, of course.
Evil
I let Him keep me here in order to lull Him into a false sense of security.
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Transformation into a Dog
Evil
Now Benson, I'm going to have to turn you into a dog for a while.
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Perceptions of Control and Evolution
Supreme Being
They'll think I've lost control again and put it all down to evolution.
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The Perils of Ignorance and Flattery
Evil
Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Benson
Oh, you say such nice things, Master.
Evil
Yes I know, I'm sorry!
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Evil's Unusual Lesson Proposal
Evil
You are a very troublesome little fellow. I think I should teach you one of my special lessons? What do you think, Robert? Benson? What would look nice? Half-warthog? Half-donkey? Half-oyster? Half-carrot?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stealing History in Time Bandits
Taglines
...they didn't make history, they stole it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Length of a Robber's Experience
Robin Hood
And how long have you been a robber?
Strutter
Four foot one.
Robin Hood
Good lord! Jolly good. Four foot one? Well that-that-that is-is- a long time, isn't it?
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The Value of Money in Isolation
Kevin
The money wasn't important to him.
[referring to Agamemnon,an ancient Greek king]
Randall
He didn't have anything to spend it on, did he? Stuck out in Greece. Lowest standard of living in Europe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.