Wedding Crashers (2005) - Quotes

Humorous remark about a sack lunch

Sack's Friends: That's what we call a sack lunch! Num-num-num-num-num!

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Prepare for the upcoming chaos

Sack's Friends: Are you ready to have the noise brought on you?

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Maryland's Unique Traditions: Crab Cakes and Football

Sack's Friends: Crab cakes and football, that's what Maryland does!

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A Wish for Painful Consequences

Jeremy Grey: I hope you flip your bike over and knock out your two front teeth, you selfish son-of-a-bitch!

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Feeling Like Jodie Foster in The Accused

Jeremy Grey: I felt like Jodie Foster in The Accused

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Consequences of Actions in the Real World

Jeremy Grey: This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!

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Nostalgia of an Imaginary Childhood Friend

Jeremy Grey: I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid and his name was Shiloh. We used to play checkers with each other every day and bless his heart, Shiloh'd always let me win!

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A Colorful Compliment from a Wedding Crasher

Jeremy Grey: You motor-boating son of a bitch, you old sailor you!

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Self-Identification of a Casanova

Jeremy Grey: I'm a cocksman!

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Unexpected Attraction in a Social Setting

Jeremy Grey: Proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me.

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The Versatility of Maple Syrup

Jeremy Grey: I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?

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First Asian Experience Expressed

Jeremy Grey: Give me a break! That was my first Asian!

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Unexpected Events in a Hotel Room

Jeremy Grey: Yeah that, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night.

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Claiming the Gift of the Painting

Jeremy Grey: The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.

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A Call for Restraint

Jeremy Grey: Lock it up!

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The Joy of Humor in Relationships

Jeremy Grey: It feels so good when he jokes.

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Embracing Imperfection in Relationships

Jeremy Grey: I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it.

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Confidence in Skills and Performance

Jeremy Grey: I was first-team All-State. I can put the ball wherever I want to. I'll make it rain out here.

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Trauma Affects Enjoyment of Simple Pleasures

Jeremy Grey: I'm a little too traumatized to enjoy a scone right now.

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Confronting Fear in Unexpected Situations

Jeremy Grey: I don’t think that you’re appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she’s totally off the reservation. I’m terrified of this broad.

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Urgent Escape from Relationship Complications

Jeremy Grey: Did you hear what I just said to you? Stage five? Virgin? Clinger? Let’s go, I’m gonna start the car, I’m serious, let’s go.

A Painful Commitment to Team Spirit

Jeremy Grey: You go have fun. I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood, Team Player!

Play Like a Champion Without Excuses

Jeremy Grey: Rule number 76: no excuses. Play like a champion.

A Statement on Personal Style Choices

Jeremy Grey: I don't even wear a belt...beltless.

Confidence in Dance Skills

Jeremy Grey: Oh please! You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer!

Advice on Controlling Emotions

John Beckwith: You better lock it up.

Embracing Reality Amidst Wedding Chaos

John Beckwith: It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all.