Billy BartyQuotes

Crazy Ernie: If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal! That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy!

Richard Fletcher: [sarcastically, after having tripped up Noodles Macintosh] Awwwww, did I do that? Oopsie!

Joe Earley: [after cutting off a finger with a table saw] Can you believe this?! Would you look at that! Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers"! I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red.

Sy Greenblum: [In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial] Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.

Earl Ramsey: Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people; I do!

Teri: George Newman, you are a thoughtless, insensitive CREEP! From now on you can forget all my birthdays, because WE'RE THROUGH!

Philo: [unfolds a piece of paper with the title written on it; recites title with echo effect; folds paper back up] Hello, my name is Philo and welcome to... Secrets Of The Universe. Today we are going to learn how to make plutonium from common household items.

Young book customer: [in a preview for "Conan the Librarian"; Conan slices him in two!!] These books are a little overdue.

Gandhi: Give me a steak, medium-rare.

Kuni (and other karate experts): SUH-PLIIEES!!

Noodles Macintosh: [having just vengefully stuck a foot out and tripped up Richard Fletcher, now throwing Richard Fletcher's sarcasm right back at him] Awwww... did I do that? Oopsie!

Oona: I'll do what you ask if you'll kiss me, Jack.

Jack: [pecks her quickly on the cheek] Easy enough.

Oona: You call that a kiss? Am I not sweet?

Jack: Sweeter than bee pollen on summer wind.

Oona: [taking the form of Lili] Sweet as the wind that blows me to you!

Screwball: It's fairy magic!

Jack: Lili? Lili!

Oona/Lili: Yes, Jack?

Jack: This isn't real.

Oona/Lili: Oh, but it is! I'm warn and alive and want to be in your arms.

Jack: [hesitating] No, I can't! No. It's just more fairy glamor. Human hearts don't work that way.

Oona: What care I for human hearts, soft and spiritless as porridge? A fairy's heart beats fierce and free!

Screwball: There's only one thing I want to know.

Brown Tom: What?

Screwball: Why me?

High Aldwin: [Disperses the bones on the ground, pausing for a moment, then whispering to Willow discreetly] I will consult the bones!! ... The bones tell me... nothing.

High Aldwin: Magic is the bloodstream of the universe. Forget all you know, or think you know. All that you require is your intuition.

Man-At-Arms: Mmm... good food.

Teela: I wonder why they put the meat on these little white sticks?

Man-At-Arms: Those are rib bones.

Teela: [pauses in shock] You mean this used to be an animal?

Man-At Arms: [continues eating] Mm-hmm.

Teela: Ugh! What a barbaric world...

Man-At-Arms: Never think while you're hungry.

Teela: I think we've wasted enough time. We'd better get back to our sectors.

Gwildor: It tasted good...