Fred WardQuotes

Henry Miller: She is my fucking wife.

Anaïs Nin: You don't understand your own fucking wife.

Henry Miller: All right, I'll tell you. June appeared like an Angel, and I offered her a fool's faith. She was a taxi dancer. I paid my dime, she put her head on my shoulder, but then the lies began. She told me her mother was a gypsy and her father was a count. Later, I saw a film and realized she swiped her whole childhood right out of the film.

Anaïs Nin: And so?

Henry Miller: So I married her.

Henry Miller: Hell of a place you got here, Hugo. Peaceful. Been here long?

Hugo Guiler: Just since the crash.

Hugo Guiler: We lived well. This is Henry Miller, the American writer Osborn is putting up. My wife, Anaïs Nin.

Henry Miller: How are you, Anaïs?

Hugo Guiler: Eduardo Sanchez, Anaïs cousin. Anaïs, you should read Henry's stuff.

Richard Osborn: [[D.H. Lawrence] For my money, he's got it over ].

Anaïs Nin: I'd love to read your writing.

Richard Osborn: He hasn't been published yet.

Henry Miller: I'm not a portrait painter.

June Miller: I'll say you're not. Look what you've done to Anais. You make everything ugly! Beauty is a joke for you. You're so negative. You're a failure as a writer. You're not a man, you're a child! You use women! You used me, you fucker!

Henry Miller: AAAHHH!

June Miller: You fucker!

Henry Miller: I'd believe only in a god that understood how to dance. Isn't that something?

Henry Miller: And that's our task. Liberation. Freedom. Let's toast to Lawrence. Let's toast to our defects. Toast, to our friendship. Drink cold, piss warm.

Remo Williams: You know, Chiun, sometimes you're a real pain in the ass.

Chiun: That is because it is the shortest route to your brain.

Remo Williams: Chiun, you're incredible!

Chiun: No!... I am better than that...

Remo Williams: Are you hurt?

Chiun: No. When you approach middle age, there is a tendency toward bruising, my son.

Remo Williams: What? What did you call me?

Chiun: I called you a clumsy oaf! You drive like a monkey in heat!

Remo Williams: You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.

Chiun: Of course. I am Chiun.

Remo Williams: And there are times when I could really kill you.

Chiun: Good! We will practice that after dinner.

New York City traffic control cop: Excuse me. What are you doin to that boy?

Remo Williams: Oh, uh, unnecessary use of the horn, officer.

New York City traffic control cop: Well, I'll make unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull if you don't let him go.

Remo Williams: Whatever happened to police courtesy and that kind of stuff, huh?

New York City traffic control cop: We save that bullshit for the upper east side.

Chiun: It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it. Why must everything in this country be coated with monositi-... monosoti...

Remo Williams: Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.

Chiun: I can say "rat droppings." That does not mean I wish to eat them.

Remo Williams: Jesus.

Chiun: Concentrate. This is no time for prayer.

Remo Williams: Do you always talk like a Chinese fortune cookie?

Chiun: [striking Remo] Chinese! I am Korean! The Korean is the most perfect creature ever to sanctify the earth with the imprint of its foot.

Conn MacCleary: All I can promise you is terror for breakfast, pressure for lunch, and aggravation for sleep. Your vacations will be two minutes when you're not looking over your shoulder, and if you live to draw a pension, it'll be a miracle.

Remo Williams: Are there any disadvantages?

Conn MacCleary: Hell, I'm lucky I've lasted this long.

Sean Dunne: Tough loss tonight. Nine innings, six hits, five runs, three walks, eight strikeouts and one big mistake. I was talking to one of the scouts, the guy in the suspenders. He's from the Phillies. He was curious about your college career. I made up a few stories.

Ryan: That's great, Dad.

Sean Dunne: I'm trying to help here, hotshot. Most important thing in your life, you don't want my help? Not interested?

Ryan: I got some place to be!

Sean Dunne: Chasing some Shore Road princess who's trying to get Daddy's attention by screwing the lawn boy.

Grady Hoover: [referring to Burt] Jesus! Bagged himself another one.

Earl Bassett: The man never sleeps.

Burt Gummer: [over radio] Guys, Burt here. Doing a little night fishing. Got three of em on a cluster charge. I'd say we're about even now. Over.

Earl Bassett: Come on, Burt. This isn't a competition.

Burt Gummer: [over radio] Well, who's competing? I'm just saying the score is tied, that's all. Over.

Grady Hoover: Well, son', no it isn't, cuz we just caught a live one. How bout that.

Burt Gummer: [over radio] A live one? How in the hell...

Grady Hoover: [turns radio off] Well, that's our little secret. Happy hunting, Burt.

Earl Bassett: Something's wrong with it. Must be sick.

Grady Hoover: Probably ate someone that didn't agree with it.

Earl Bassett: We're gonna need some help!

Grady: Who'd be crazy enough to help us with this mess?!

Earl Bassett: [as Burt arrives] That ain't no Graboid. It's something even more dangerous!

Earl Bassett: [to Grady] Doesn't anything get you down?

Earl Bassett: Goddamn worms never give you a break!

Earl Bassett: [''yelling to Grady''] Will you shut up and get off the damn ground!

Earl Bassett: [''to Grady after losing at rock-paper-scissors''] No! Rock rips through paper!

Gordon Cooper: Uh, where are you putting the window?

German Scientist #1: Window? There is no window.

Gus Grissom: No window? What about the hatch?

German Scientist #1: The hatch?

Gus Grissom: Yeah, the hatch. We need a hatch with explosive bolts that we can open ourselves.

German Scientist #1: I think there is something you do not understand. This is the final form of the capsule. No hatch.

Deke Slayton: What if the automatic controls went out?

German Scientist #1: Backups, checks, etcetera. This would not happen.

Deke Slayton: I said, what would happen if it did?

Scott Carpenter: The pilot would have to fly it back.

German Scientist #2: This is the way it is.

John Glenn: You know, I wonder how the press is going to feel about this.

German Scientist #2: The press? What does the press have to say about this?

German Scientist #1: Yeah, what do they have to say about it?

Gordon Cooper: You boys know what makes this bird go up? Funding makes this bird go up.

Gus Grissom: That's right. No bucks, no Buck Rogers.

Gordon Cooper: And, uh, the press over there, they want to see Buck Rogers.

Deke Slayton: And that's us. Buck Rogers.

John Glenn: You see, those fellas over there, they've been making us out as the seven finest, and bravest pilots in all America. And if a story were to come out in the press that we were not being allowed to fly as pilots...

Alan Shepard: We want a window.

German Scientist #2: Uh, there could maybe be in future capsules, be a window, right here.

Gus Grissom: No, that's where the hatch with explosive bolts goes.

German Scientist #1: The hatch with the explosive...? Yeah. There could be a hatch with explosive bolts on the capsule.

Alan Shepard: That is a spacecraft, sir. We do not refer to it as a "capsule". Spacecraft.

German Scientist #1: Yeah. The hatch with explosive bolts on the... spacecraft. There. And there will be pitch and yaw thrusters which will enable the astronaut occupant—

Deke Slayton: The pilot. "Astronaut occupant"?

German Scientist #1: Yeah, the astronaut... pilot to have some...

German Scientist #1: To have...

German Scientist #1: ... control of the re-entry procedures.

John Glenn: Thank you. we appreciate it. You wouldn't mind if we had the press over here take a few photos of us by our spacecraft now, would you?

Griffin Mill: So, what's the story?

Walter Stuckel: Twenty-five words or less? Okay. Movie exec calls writer. Writer's girlfriend says he's at the movies. Exec goes to the movies, meets writer, drinks with writer. Writer gets conked and dies in four inches of dirty water. Movie exec is in deep shit. What do you think?

Griffin Mill: That's more than 25 words and it's bullshit.

Earl Smooter: Well even if he is a Yankee, at least he's sober.

Earl Smooter: [to Kate] Careful, you just smashed the state bird of Alabama.

Earl Smooter: You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.

Claire Kane: Oops, excuse me, sweetie. I really like the Wymans, don't you?

Stuart Kane: Who?

Claire Kane: The doctor and his wife, Marian. Ralph, I think his name. You know, the ones from the concert.

Stuart Kane: He seems kind of lofty. You're off to work early, huh?

Claire Kane: Yeah, I got two birthdays today. He's a doctor, remember? And she is artist, I think.

Stuart Kane: Oh yeah? What kind?

Claire Kane: What kind? She's a painter. She paints pictures, you know? They really want us to come to dinner.

Stuart Kane: Well, We'll see. I'm off.

Claire Kane: What does that mean? We already agreed to go. We made a date. Bye. Close the door, Stuart.

Stuart Kane: Sorry!

Claire Kane: [Stuart has just returned from his fishing trip] Your hands stink.

Stuart Kane: [sniffs his fingers] Kinda smells like pussy, don't you think?

Claire Kane: [laughs, smacks him on the shoulder] I hate that. Go wash your hands.

Stuart Kane: Smells like a rainbow to me!

Alex Corvis (The Crow): The jolt - eight amps at two to three-thousand volts. It lasts a few seconds. The current surges and is turned off. And they check to see if the heart is still beating. If it is... Ba-Boom! Another jolt is applied. Experts say unconsciousness occurs before pain has time to register. They agree that electrocution does not hurt. But it does. Unimaginably... Believe me... I... don't expect a call from the governor. Any last words... Captain?

The Captain: Yeah, fuck you!

Alex Corvis (The Crow): Was that it?

The Captain: I'm not dying for your goddamn illusion, you got that?! You think you and your girlfriend had some rosy future taken from you?! Bullshit! She was already bored! Why do you think she was lookin around?! You're nothing, Corvis! Less than nothing! You can't do this to me, you little fucks! You hear me?! You understand?! I'll be back! Just like you! A big, fucking, shit-spewing bird! And guess which little bitch I'm taking out first!

Erin Randall: [''Alex closes the execution mask over the Captain's face. Erin throws the execution switch. The Captain is violently electrocuted, as Alex watches grimly. Smoke starts to fill the execution chamber. The Captain's forearms swell, blood starts to trickle out. Blood also pours out at his neck; his clothes catch fire, and it quickly spreads around his head. In his eye, now surrounded by burned skin, the crow flies out.''] You are so dead.

The Captain: The dead can return given sufficient motivation.

Earl Bassett: [''Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle''] Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.

Earl Bassett: No breakfast?

Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.

Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.

Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!

Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.

Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.

Valentine McKee: Well, sure.

Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.

Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!

Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.

Valentine McKee: I'm a victim of circumstance.

Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker?

Earl Bassett: [''pricks his hand while setting up a fence''] I ask ya: Is this a job for an intelligent man?

Valentine McKee: Well, show me one. I'll ask him.

Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!

Earl Bassett: [''waking up''] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.

Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to pede?

Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!

Earl Bassett: Melvin! One of these days someone's gonna kick your ass!

Earl Bassett: [''To Melvin after he scares Earl by throwing his basketball at him''] You little asswipe! You don't knock it off you're gonna be shittin this basketball... pardon my French!

Earl Bassett: [''To Val''] Here's the plan. We don't even stop. Ride like hell. Tonight we keep right on going. We'll walk the horses.

Earl Bassett: Well, there sure as hell ain't nothing to stop us now... everybody we know between here and Bixby's already dead.

Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?

Earl Bassett: [''repeated line''] Pardon my French!

Connie Stone: [Lovecraft joins her in the car's back seat after it's all over] How's the hand?

Connie Stone: Broken. What's going on?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Just missed the fuck that saved the world.

Connie Stone: [pause] I miss everything. I even missed being a god. What happens now?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Grimaldi takes you in for killing Borden.

Connie Stone: [pause] We were a hell of a team, you and me. We still could be.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Maybe someday.

Connie Stone: Phil?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Yeah?

Connie Stone: Kiss me before I faint.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [referring to Amos Hackshaw] But you know the thing that kills me is how out of the whole phone book he had the dumb luck to pick you. Maybe it wasn't luck, partner... maybe it's fate.

Harry Bordon: Thought you didn't believe in that stuff.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: What I don't believe in is unfinished business! Took this to get us face to face so we could settle accounts!

Harry Bordon: Oh, we'll settle up, you bet we will. No more Lovecraft, no more waking up with the shakes thinking about you hovering over me like some goddamn angel. No more.

Amos Hackshaw: The wheel has turned. Yog-Sothoth knows the Gate. That is the promise of the Necromnomicon. Open the Gate, let the Old Ones back in and they will make you a god.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Ooohhh, you get to be a god. What does Harry get?

Harry Bordon: Tell him.

Amos Hackshaw: For services rendered, Mr. Borden gets to be Ruler of the World.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: What kind of world?

Amos Hackshaw: A world of the unburied dead, and a sky dark with ashes. A blasted, maimed planet. But he'll be the most important person in it.

Harry Bordon: How do you like them apples partner, huh?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [ordering a drink at Borden's club] Bourbon. Show it some water, but be discreet.

Bartender: [grins] Like an orchid in the moonlight.

Det. Morris Bradbury: [in Bradbury's office] I used to hate your guts... you know that, don't you?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: You told me often enough.

Det. Morris Bradbury: Now you're about the only man in this town I can trust.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Gosh, Bradbury... I didn't know you cared.

Det. Morris Bradbury: It's just you're the only guy now walking around without a magic wand up his ass. I got vampires in West Hollywood, salamanders coming out of the fire hydrants in Santa Monica, black rain, red rain, hail the size of your fist.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Magic is the way of the future. You wouldn't want to buck the future, would you, Bradbury?

Det. Morris Bradbury: [he slams his office door shut] If this is the future,

Det. Morris Bradbury: I'll take vanilla.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: You'd better take that blouse off.

Olivia Hackshaw: Oh... why?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: You can't get blood stains like that out after they set.

Olivia Hackshaw: Well, after the hunt I usually just take all my clothes off and burn them. You have to be naked for the ceremony.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Oh yeah? What ceremony's that?

Olivia Hackshaw: Tribute to Diana, Goddess of the Hunt. Would you like to watch?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Thanks, but I'm supposed to get my teeth cleaned this afternoon.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [referring to Borden's zombie enforcer] What happened to your regular leg-breakers?

Harry Bordon: Progress.

Tugwell: Zombies don't eat, don't complain...

Harry Bordon: Don't get ideas.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Don't they start to smell after a while?

Tugwell: They're good for three months, depending on the weather. Then they begin to rot.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Then what?

Harry Bordon: Then you get some more. Thirty bucks a head, come fresh from the West Indies, six to a box.

Tugwell: Like bon-bons.

Connie Stone: I heard something about you at the club.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Such as?

Connie Stone: You don't use magic.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: You heard right.

Connie Stone: How do you expect to get out of dumps like this if you don't start playing the game?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Seems to me we've already had this discussion.

Connie Stone: Everybody uses magic.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: I don't.

Connie Stone: What have you got to show for it? Fly-specked office, a broken-down car and an ugly necktie, that's what all this integrity buys you. Damn it, everybody's got to compromise.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: That's what I keep hearing.

Connie Stone: And what makes you so special?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: What makes me special is that I'm my own man. When I started out, I said there were things I would do and things I wouldn't do. Lot of guys start like that and a lot of them sell out along the way, but the more who fall, the easier it gets. See, look... everybody compromises, everybody cheats, everybody uses magic. So they empty ideals out of their pockets and get on with the job of sticking it to their neighbor before they stick it to them. That's the way it's done. To which I say "nuts." My collar may be a little frayed, maybe I need a shoeshine, but nobody's got a mortgage on my soul. I own it, free and clear.

Connie Stone: I'm not gonna apologize for my life.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Didn't ask you to.

Connie Stone: I'm happy the way things are.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Glad to hear it.

Connie Stone: You've got to look ahead. You can't drag around the past. There's nothing you can do about it.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Sounds like you have a real good grip on things.

Connie Stone: [a few moments of silence] Why did you have to walk back into my life?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Why did you walk out of mine?

Connie Stone: Because you're a wiseacre son of a bitch who doesn't know which way the wind is blowing.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: And?

Connie Stone: And did you really remember the sound of my breathing?

Det. Morris Bradbury: Phil, this doesn't have to be a trip to the dentist. Like I say, we've got no beef with you. Fella's partner goes bad, goes on the take, that happens. You are square with us... just because Harry Borden-...

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: I don't need a history lesson!

Det. Morris Bradbury: Someone's throwing lesser demons at you, black magic from the Pit of Asagoth, and you don't even carry a rabbit's foot!

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: I can handle it.

Det. Morris Bradbury: Well, I'm not worried about you, Phil... I'm worried about the people who might get in the way.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: How is it?

Det. Morris Bradbury: Bad.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: It's always bad.

Det. Morris Bradbury: There's bad and then there's bad. Something's coming, something ugly. And it's guys like me got to clean up the mess. Now I got enough to worry about, Phil, so do us both a favor... watch your back.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Thanks.

Det. Morris Bradbury: [Lovecraft shows Bradbury a voodoo doll] What's this?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: It's the murder weapon. Well, Bradbury, at least she found a nice clean way to bump him off.

Det. Morris Bradbury: Time was you had to look a man in the eye before you could kill him... you owed him that.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Yeah, now with the miracle know-how you can do it by tying six knots in a piece of string. Ain't modern living grand?

Det. Morris Bradbury: Magic... gives me the shakes what you can buy in this town.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Well, they said it would make things easier.

Det. Morris Bradbury: And it has.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [to his female client, whom the police have just arrested] Sorry, angel, but I don't play the sap for anybody. Bad for business.

Det. Otto Grimaldi: Hey, Lovecraft... too bad you're losing out on your fee! With a client like this, maybe you already collected... up front, if you know what I mean.

Det. Morris Bradbury: [arriving on the scene] Get up, Grimaldi... people'll think you've never been socked by a dame before.

Olivia Hackshaw: I'm serious!

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Then why do you wear that hat?

Amos Hackshaw: [Lovecraft has just proved that he uses no magic talismans] It's true... no tokens, no fetishes... nothing. You really don't use anything... any magic, that is.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Just like I told you on the phone.

Amos Hackshaw: You don't believe in magic?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: I believe it, just don't use it.

Amos Hackshaw: Why?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Personal reasons.

Amos Hackshaw: And they are?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: Personal.

Amos Hackshaw: Do you realize how long they've waited for me? Centuries! Millennia!

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: How long is that in dog years?

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [voice-over] I was tired as hell, but I could afford to be tired now... now that it was over. Over for a lot of people... for Locksteader, Willis, Hackshaw and Borden... and all over for Connie. I needed it to be morning... I wanted to hear doors open and cars start and human voices talking about baseball and the weather. I wanted to make sure that there were still folks out there facing life with nothing up their sleeves but their arms. They didn't know it yet, but they had a better shot at happiness and a fair shake today than they did yesterday. Cause today... I've got the Book.

Det. Harry Philip Lovecraft: [voice-over] Bradbury was right... there's bad and there's bad. But what I walked into when I left that night made all the magic and witchcraft I'd seen up til then look like a sideshow. My name's Lovecraft... and I'm the guy who knows. Just about the only guy who knows it all... who's still breathing. It started that night and it started with a woman. It always starts with a woman.