Jack Nicholson Quotes

As Good as It Gets

Escalating Tensions in a Frustrating Encounter

Melvin Udall Oh, now I'm pissed! Now, I am REALLY PISSED!

Melvin Udall OH! Don't touch! Don't touch!

Frank Sachs Shh! Shh!

Melvin Udall Don't touch!

Frank Sachs Shut up! You think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but you don't intimidate me. I grew up in hell, home boy! My grandmother had more attitude!

Melvin Udall POLICE! DONUT-MUNCHING MORONS! HELP ME! HELP ME...!

[calling]

Frank Sachs Shh!

Melvin Udall HELP ME!

Frank Sachs Stop it! Shh!

[to Melvin Udall]

Melvin Udall Assault and battery! And you're black!

[to Frank Sachs]

Frank Sachs I like Simon! I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him, or so much as touch that dog again! Meantime, I'm gonna think of some way that you can make it up to him. I HATE DOING THIS! I'M an art dealer...! Have a nice day. Okay! Party! Party!

[suddenly loud; lowers his voice; running off]

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The Last Detail

Authority and Rebellion in a Bar Setting

Buddusky I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer.

Meadows I don't want a beer.

Buddusky You're gonna have a fuckin beer!

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The Last Detail

Life's Surprising Experiences and Perspectives

Meadows Are they really doing that when they take that picture?

[looking at porn]

Buddusky Well kid, there's more things in this life than you can possibly imagine. I knew a whore once in Wilmington. She had a glass eye... used to take it out and wink people off for a dollar.

[pause]

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The Witches of Eastwick

Fear and Power Dynamics in Masculinity

Daryl Van Horne Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.

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The Missouri Breaks

Desire and Disconnection in Relationships

Jane Braxton I forgot, you do have your whores, don't you?

Tom Logan Sure do. Like em, too.

Jane Braxton Well, I'll tell you something. If you want them more than you want me...

Tom Logan I keep telling you, I want them a lot. I don't want you at all.

Jane Braxton Well, why are you being so mean to me?

Tom Logan People have been neglecting to tell you what a nasty little bitch you are, and I'm just having to make up for their negligence.

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Reds

Conflict of Desire and Constraints

Eugene O'Neill I'd like to kill you, but I can't. So you can do whatever you want to. Except not see me.

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The Raven

A Disturbing Revelation of Family Tragedy

Rexford Bedlo Shhhhhh.

Rexford Bedlo I was afraid you would scream.

Estelle Craven Is anything wrong?

Rexford Bedlo Don't be alarmed but I'm afraid Dr. Scarabus killed my father.

Estelle Craven Killed him?

Rexford Bedlo Yes, during the dueling I observed Dr. Scarabus making furtive gestures with his fingers. Now we must speak to your father.

Estelle Craven But I already have. He trusts Dr. Scarabus.

Rexford Bedlo We'll have to try.

Rexford Bedlo It's locked!

Estelle Craven What'll we do?

Estelle Craven What are you doing?

Rexford Bedlo This ledge leads to your father's room.

Estelle Craven But you might be killed!

Rexford Bedlo I hope not!

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The Last Detail

Marriage Perspectives in The Last Detail

Mulhall You ever been married?

Buddusky Not so you'd notice.

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The King of Marvin Gardens

Life as a Game of Monopoly

Jason Staebler You notice how it's Monopoly out there? Remember Boardwalk, Park Place, Marvin Gardens?

David Staebler Go to jail?

Jason Staebler Well, that's me. Don't pass go, don't collect $200.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Carnal Knowledge

Job Offer in a Messy Situation

Jonathan You want a job? I got a job for you. Fix up this pigsty! You get a pretty goddammed good salary for testing out this bed all day! You want an extra fifty dollars a week, try vacuuming! You want an extra hundred, make this goddammed bed! Try opening some goddammed windows! That's why you can't stand up in here, the goddammed place smells like a coffin!

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As Good as It Gets

Strict Work Boundaries and Personal Space

Melvin Udall Well, I work all the time. So never, NEVER interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're gonna faint - even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?

[to Simon Bishop]

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Easy Rider

The Vision of an Evolved Society

George Hanson Well, they are people, just like us - from within our own solar system. Except that their society is more highly evolved. I mean, they don't have no wars, they got no monetary system, they don't have any leaders, because, I mean, each man is a leader. I mean, each man - because of their technology, they are able to feed, clothe, house, and transport themselves equally - and with no effort...Why don't they reveal themselves to us is because if they did it would cause a general panic. Now, I mean, we still have leaders upon whom we rely for the release of this information. These leaders have decided to repress this information because of the tremendous shock that it would cause to our antiquated systems. Now, the result of this has been that the Venutians have contacted people in all walks of life - all walks of life. Yes. It-it-it would be a devastatin blow to our antiquated systems - so now the Venutians are meeting with people in all walks of life - in an advisory capacity. For once man will have a god-like control over his own destiny. He will have a chance to transcend and to evolve with some equality for all.

[laughs]

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As Good as It Gets

A Beautiful Day for a Walk

Melvin Udall I think it's a beautiful day for our walk today. Very nice. What? Huh? Hey! Hey! Look at that! Look at him! I've gotta give you something. I gotta give you something real good, too. Now, I'm gonna show it to you. Come on, buddy. Don't be like me, don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are cause you are a perfect man, and I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat.

[to Verdell; Verdell is avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, just like Melvin does. Melvin slows and observes the dog mirroring his behavior. Verdell carefully places his paws again to avoid a crack in the sidewalk.; to Verdell; He laughs out loud.; He puts on plastic gloves.; He lifts Verdell to eye level.]

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The Shining

Desire for Alcohol and Desperation

Jack Torrance God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my goddamned soul for just a glass of beer.

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Prizzi's Honor

Family Dynamics and Marriage Expectations

Charley Partanna Pop? Charley. I'm in L.A., and that ain't all. I'm gonna get married.

[On the telephone]

Angelo Pop Partanna Ah, the same woman, the contractor?

Charley Partanna Yeah. She's Polish, but the family will get used to that gradually.

Angelo Pop Partanna Yeah, every time she walks in a room, all the rest of the women in the family are gonna have to shut up. But I know how you feel about it, Charley. I won't try to stop nature. Good luck, son.

Charley Partanna Thanks, pop.

Angelo Pop Partanna Say listen, the Don wants you here for a big meeting tomorrow night.

Charley Partanna Jesus, Pop, what about my honeymoon?

Angelo Pop Partanna Well, you'll have it in Brooklyn!

Charley Partanna Aw, shit.

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Easy Rider

Celebrating the Start of a New Day

George Hanson Here's to the first of the day, fellas. To ol ]. Nik-nik-nik-f-f-f-Indians!

[[D. H. Lawrence]

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As Good as It Gets

Questioning the Nature of Satisfaction

Melvin Udall What if this is as good as it gets?

[to patients in Dr. Green's waiting room]

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As Good as It Gets

Setting Boundaries in Neighborly Relations

Melvin Udall As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap when or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?

[to Simon Bishop]

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Carnal Knowledge

Questioning Relationships and Responses

Jonathan Do you always answer a question with a question?

Susan Do you always date your best friend's girlfriend?

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Goin' South

A Humorous Take on Hunger

Henry Moon Well?! Anybody hungry?

Big Abe Hungry?! Shit, I could eat a frozen dog.

[deadpan]

Henry Moon Well, we'll go on out to the kitchen and see if we got one already froze.

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Easy Rider

UFOs and Government Conspiracies Explained

George Hanson That was a UFO, beamin back at ya. Me and Eric Heisman was down in Mexico two weeks ago - we seen forty of em flying in formation. They-they-they've got bases all over the world now, you know. They've been coming here ever since nineteen forty-six - when the scientists first started bouncin radar beams off of the moon. And they have been livin and workin among us in vast quantities ever since. The government knows all about em.

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As Good as It Gets

Expressing Hatred for the Dog

Melvin Udall Yes, I hate the doggy! Yes, I hate the doggy!

[to Verdell, affectionately]

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Goin' South

A Memorable Connection Beyond Payment

Henry Moon I'll never forget you, Hermine. You was the first woman I didn't have to pay for.

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The Last Detail

The Harsh Reality of Marine Life

Buddusky He don't stand a chance in Portsmouth, you know. You know that, don't you? Goddamn grunts, kickin the shit outta him for eight years... he don't stand a chance.

Mulhall I don't want to hear about it.

Buddusky Maggot" this, "maggot" that... Marines are really assholes, you know that? It takes a certain kind of a sadistic temperament to be a Marine.

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As Good as It Gets

Missed Opportunities and Regrets in Relationships

Melvin Udall The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.

[to the bartender]

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Ironweed

Acknowledge Your Potential and Shine Bright

Francis Phelan By God, Helen. That's as good as it gets. You were born to be a star.

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Easy Rider

Lawyer's Warning in a Hostile Environment

George Hanson Well, you boys don't look like you're from this part of the country. You're lucky I'm here to see that you don't get into anything...Well, they got this here - see - uh - scissor-happy Beautify America thing goin on around here. They're tryin to make everybody look like ]. They used - uh - rusty razor blades on the last two long-hairs that they brought in here and I wasn't here to protect them. You see - uh - I'm - uh - I'm a lawyer. Done a lot of work for the ]

[[w:Yul Brynner|Yul Brynner; [w:American Civil Liberties Union|A.C.L.U.]

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Carnal Knowledge

A Question About Sexual Desire

Jonathan Sandy, do you wanna get laid?

Sandy Please.

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Prizzi's Honor

Illuminated Decision in the Oriental

Maerose Prizzi So let's do it.

Charley Partanna With all the lights on?

Maerose Prizzi Yeah. Right here. On the Oriental. With all the lights on.

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About Schmidt

Reflections on Life and Mortality

Warren Schmidt Relatively soon, I will die. Maybe in 20 years, maybe tomorrow, it doesn't matter. Once I am dead and everyone who knew me dies too, it will be as though I never existed. What difference has my life made to anyone. None that I can think of. None at all.

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The Missouri Breaks

Consequences of Justice and Desperation

Tom Logan I understand you had to hang someone here.

David Braxton I did that.

Tom Logan Ah, that's tough. What was this, some kind of desperado?

David Braxton No, he was a thief... with probably a million good reasons for being on hard times. The main thing is that we put him out of his misery.

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Reds

Revolutionary Conversations and Intimacy in Relationships

Eugene O'Neill You dream that if you discuss the revolution with a man before you go to bed with him, it'll be missionary work rather than sex.

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Prizzi's Honor

Loyalty to Family vs. Personal Relationships

Don Corrado Prizzi Charley, you swore an oath of blood, my blood and yours, that you would always put the family before anything else in your life. We are calling on you to keep that sacred oath.

Charley Partanna Irene is my family. She's my wife.

Angelo Pop Partanna Charley, she is a woman you have known only for a few weeks. She is your wife. We are your life.

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Prizzi's Honor

Love and Conflict in Unexpected Places

Charley Partanna I met her in a church. It just happened. I knew she was the woman for me. She'd organized the scam in Vegas. I go looking for the bad guy and it turns out to be my woman, can you imagine this? Not only that - Pop tells me she's the piece man for the Nettabino contract. Just the same, I love her, Mae... I love her.

[about Irene]

Maerose Prizzi Well...

Charley Partanna How can I live with this? I gotta do something about it. I gotta straighten it out.

Maerose Prizzi Then do.

Charley Partanna Do what? Do I ice her? Do I marry her? Which one of these?

Maerose Prizzi Marry her, Charley. Just because she's a thief and a hitter doesn't mean she's not a good woman in all the other departments. If she was some kind of fashion model, well it wouldn't last more than thirty days. But you and she is in the same line of business. You are lucky you found each other, you know that, Charley?

Charley Partanna Yeah, I guess.

Maerose Prizzi She's an American! She had a chance to make a buck so she grabbed it. Marry her, Charley. Then at least I'll be able to get something out of it... I'll be able to go back in the family.

Charley Partanna Yeah.

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Easy Rider

Caution Against Substance Dependence

George Hanson You- you mean marijuana. Lord have mercy, is that what that is? Well, let me see that. Mmmmm-mmm. Mmmm...I-I-I couldn't do that. I mean, I've got enough problems with the - with the booze and all. I mean, uh, I - I can't afford to get hooked...it-it-it leads to harder stuff.

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As Good as It Gets

Repetitive Affirmation of Refusal

Melvin Udall Never," she says. "Never," she says.

[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him]

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Prizzi's Honor

Discussion on Responsibility and Consequences

Irene Walker I can't get over it. What kinda creep wouldn't catch a baby? If it was real it coulda been crippled for life.

Charley Partanna He wasn't paid to bodyguard the baby.

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The Missouri Breaks

A Harsh Awakening to Reality

Tom Logan You know what woke you up? You just had your throat cut.

[to Clayton, whispering]

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Carnal Knowledge

A Proposal Met with Resistance

Bobbie Marry me, Jonathan! Please, please!

Jonathan You're trying to kill me.

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Carnal Knowledge

Confrontation and Ultimatums in Relationships

Jonathan Is this an ultimatum? Answer me, you ball-busting, castrating, son of a cunt bitch! Is this an ultimatum or not?

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Blood and Wine

Disappointment in Luxury Accommodations

Victor This is not an ocean front suite, in Marbella. Did you notice that?

Victor There's no

Victor There are no flowers or champagne from the management. I don't, I don't see a Swiss chocolate on my pillow.

Victor My masseuse is not at the door.

Victor And I am, fucking dying, Alex!

Alex Take it easy, Vic.

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Terms of Endearment

A Direct Approach to Desire

Garrett Breedlove If you wanted to get me on my back, all you had to do was ask me.

[Lying in the surf after being thrown from the car]

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The Last Detail

Unexpected Party Expectations and Reactions

Meadows Drop your socks and grab your cocks, we're going to a party.

Buddusky If this kid gets pussy out of this, I'll eat my fucking flat hat, man.

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As Good as It Gets

Metaphors and Relationships in Conversation

Woman at table I said, "You love me the way you do your remote control as long as I switch every time you press one of my buttons.

Man at table That's great! That's terrific--

Melvin Udall People that talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch. Eat up!

[after the couple look at Melvin]

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The Missouri Breaks

The Nature of Regulators in Conflict

Tom Logan Regulator? Ain't that like a dry gulcher?

Lee Clayton Well, that's not the softest term you could use, I'd say.

Tom Logan Well, Regulator, correct me now if I'm wrong, isn't a regulator one of these boys that shoots people and don't never get near em?

Lee Clayton That's it.

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The Witches of Eastwick

A Quirky Exchange About Seasons and Lunch

Daryl Van Horne Of course, I wouldn't know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. Lunch?

Alexandra Medford I think it's a little late in the season.

Daryl Van Horne For lunch?

Alexandra Medford No, pissing on birds.

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Goin' South

Unpleasant Comparisons of Experience

Deputy Towfield It's bad, huh?

[of Moon's marriage]

Henry Moon Like eggs rolled in sand.

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As Good as It Gets

Critique of New York's Sidewalk Conditions

Melvin Udall Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it.

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The King of Marvin Gardens

A Family's Tension and Unspoken Threats

Jessica What's going on?

David Staebler Your mother's gonna murder one of us. So far the only one she hasn't nominated is you.

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The Raven

A Conversation About Imprisonment and Disgrace

Estelle Craven Can't you get your hands free father?

[Estelle, Dr. Craven, Dr. Bedlo and Rexford are all bound to columns in the dungeon]

Dr. Craven I'm afraid not, my dear. What with Dr. Scarabus having turned me into a statue and then binding me like this.

Dr. Bedlo I know, I-I know, I'm a disgrace.

Rexford Bedlo I had a somewhat stronger word in mind.

Dr. Bedlo But son, you know that-that everything I tried in life I was a failure. Only-only the day I joined the Brotherhood of Magicians. Oh I-I was the happiest man on earth. I still remember how happy I was. And then when-when Dr. Scarabus offered to teach me superior magical knowledge for luring Dr. Craven here, I just couldn't resist that magnificent award. But Erasamus, believe me with all my heart I regret what I have done to you.

Dr. Craven You are not alone in guilt, sir. I, too, have failed at the task of living.

Dr. Bedlo Oh, no.

Dr. Craven Oh yes, yes. Instead of facing life I turned my back on it. I know now why my father resisted Dr. Scarabus. Because he knew that one cannot fight evil by hiding from it. Men like Scarabus thrive on the apathy of others. He thrived on mine and that offends me. By avoiding contact with the brotherhood I've given him freedom to commit his atrocities, unopposed.

Dr. Bedlo You sure have!

Dr. Craven I'm sorry.

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Carnal Knowledge

The Value of Looks in Relationships

Sandy Looks aren't everything, you know.

Jonathan Believe me, looks are everything.

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As Good as It Gets

Desire for Presence Amidst Chaos

Melvin Udall I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too.

[to Brian]

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Goin' South

Self-Worth and Acceptance in Unconventional Situations

Henry Moon Well, I ain't no slab of meat to be auctioned off, but what the hell? Fine by me.

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About Schmidt

Seeking Forgiveness and Understanding in Reflection

Warren Schmidt Helen, what did you really think of me, deep in your heart? Was I really the man you wanted to be with? Was I? Or were you disappointed and too nice to show it? I forgive you for Ray. I forgive you. That was a long time ago, and I know I wasn't always the king of kings. I let you down. I'm sorry, Helen. Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me?

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As Good as It Gets

Melvin Udall's Frustration with Love

Melvin Udall Love was..." Son of a BITCH! Pansy-ass stool pusher!

[trying to write; Simon Bishop knocks on his door]

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As Good as It Gets

Melvin Udall's Perspective on Relationships

Melvin Udall Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag.

[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other]

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The Last Detail

Timing and Priorities Among Friends

Mulhall We'd better catch that train.

Buddusky We still got time for a beer.

Mulhall Now wait a minute, man...

Meadows I ain't old enough.

Buddusky Ain't old enough for what?

Meadows For a beer.

Buddusky Everybody's old enough for a beer. Ain't that right, Mule?

Mulhall Yeah.

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The Last Detail

A Moment of Quick Decision

Young Whore Jesus Christ! That's what I call quick.

Buddusky You wanna try it again, kid?

Meadows Yeah.

Buddusky Okay, honey.

[to prostitute]

Mulhall Don't worry about it, kid... plenty more where that came from.

Buddusky We got all night, kid.

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Carnal Knowledge

The Nature of True Masculinity

Louise I don't think we're gonna have any trouble tonight. You're a real man, a kind man.

Jonathan I'm not kind.

Louise I don't mean the weak kind the way so many men are. I mean the kindness that comes from enormous strength, from an inner power so strong that every act, no matter what, is more proof of that power. That's what all women resent. That's why they try to cut ya down, because your knowledge of yourself and them is so right, so true, that it exposes the lies by which they, every scheming one of them, live by. It takes a true woman to understand that the purest form of love is to love a man who denies himself to her - a man who inspires worship, because he has no need for any woman, because he has himself. And who is better, more beautiful, more powerful, more perfect... you're getting hard... more strong, more masculine, extraordinary, more... bust. It's rising, it's rising... more virile, domineering, more irresistible. It's up - in the air...

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Blood and Wine

Questions About Relationships and Attraction

Alex Frank ever come on to you?

Gabby He have a beautiful wife.

Alex Oh. She ever come on to you?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Witches of Eastwick

Daryl Van Horne's Playful Encouragement

Daryl Van Horne Take it easy. We don't want the whole household in here, do we, boys? That's it. Good boys, we're gonna do just fine. Now come on, come on to daddy and gimme a big kiss. Come on, good boys, come on. Come on, come to daddy, cootchie, cootchie, cootchie, coo. That's it, come on, come on. come on. Aw ladies, come on.

[Last lines; Daryl appears on the multiple video monitor screens; sounds of babies overlapping; laughs, his face then reacts in dismay as the scene cuts to the three witches approaching, with Sukie holding the montitors' remote control; Sukie presses the "off" button, turning off the screen and ending the film]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

As Good as It Gets

Misunderstanding About a Dog's Identity

Simon Bishop Have you seen Verdell?

Melvin Udall What does he look like?

Simon Bishop My dog. You know, my dog with the adorable face? Don't you know what my dog looks like?

Melvin Udall Oh, I got it. You were talking about your dog. I thought it was the name of that colored man I've been seeing in the halls.

Simon Bishop Which color was that?

Melvin Udall Uh . . . like thick molasses, with a broad nose. Perfect for smelling trouble and prison food.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Raven

Family Identity and Regret in Conversation

Rexford Bedlo I am Dr. Bedlo's son!

Dr. Bedlo I am sorry...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

About Schmidt

Reflections on Personal Impact and Legacy

Warren Schmidt I know we're all pretty small in the big scheme of things, and I suppose the most you can hope for is to make some kind of difference, but what kind of difference have I made? What in the world is better because of me?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Blood and Wine

The Impact of Timing on Relationships

Alex Get her to go easy on the codeine, will ya? Makes her mean.

Jason Well, maybe if you got home on time once in a while, she could skip the chemical help.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Easy Rider

Freedom and Consequences in Society

George Hanson You can get out of here, if you haven't killed anybody - at least nobody white.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Prizzi's Honor

Assessing the Frequency of Professional Hits

Irene Walker Charley, I've been doin three to four hits a year for the past couple of years, most at full pay.

Charley Partanna That many?

Irene Walker Well, it's not many when you consider the size of the population.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Carnal Knowledge

Conflicting Perspectives on Past Relationships

Jonathan Talk about the pot and the kettle. When I caught wind of your checkered past, I felt like a celibate.

Bobbie You made me tell you.

Jonathan Sure. I twisted your arm.

Bobbie It got you hot!

Jonathan Something has to.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Missouri Breaks

Critique of a Night's Experience

Tom Logan I couldn't get no credit at the whorehouse, so I picked up this chubby little girl off some sodbuster's outfit.

Little Tod How was she?

Tom Logan About like a Swiss clock... same exact movement over and over again.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Missouri Breaks

Perils of Proximity to Canada

Tom Logan The closer you get to Canada, the more things'll eat your horse.

Reds

Prioritizing Passion Over Practicality in Rehearsal

Louise Bryant Would you rather I not smoke during rehearsal?

Eugene O'Neill I'd rather you went up in flames than crush out your cigarette during a monologue about birth.

The Last Detail

Questioning the Value of Chanting

Meadows If you're Catholic, do you think it's, uh, sacrilegious to chant?

Buddusky Did it get you laid?

Meadows No.

Buddusky Then Meadows, what the fuck do you want to go on chanting for?

Mulhall Chant your ass off, kid. But any pussy you get in this world, you gonna have to pay for, one way or another.

Buddusky Hallelujah!

About Schmidt

A Final Message from Warren Schmidt

Warren Schmidt Well Ndugu, I'll close now. You probably can't wait to run and cash this check and get yourself something to eat.

Easy Rider

Struggling to Reach Mardi Gras Destination

George Hanson I must've started off to Mardi Gras six or seven times. Never got further than the state line.

Prizzi's Honor

Questioning Intelligence and Mortality

Charley Partanna Marxie Heller so fuckin smart, how come he's so fuckin dead?

Goin' South

Understanding Poultry and Chicken Terminology

Henry Moon Poultry is just another way of sayin chicken.

The Missouri Breaks

A Cunning Criminal's Clever Strategy

Tom Logan The first time I met Sandy, he was rustling on his own. He had a stolen cavalry pony and he kept this dog. As soon as he would kill a steer, why he'd cut the brand off and feed it to the dog. So before they could get enough evidence to convict him, they'd have to lock that dog up and pick through his shit for a week before they could find the brand.

The King of Marvin Gardens

A Family Dinner's Unforeseen Consequences

David Staebler I promised that I would tell you... why I never eat fish. When we all moved into my grandfather's house... it somehow fell to me to keep the old man's mind off of things. We would play casino over an old card table. He never let me win. One time he put one of those tiny model trains... into my hamburger. He was a practical joker. I broke my tooth on it. On Friday evenings we had fish at our house. Every Friday. Not on religious grounds, but because... Grandpa was a fish enthusiast. "Keeps ya from going blind," he would say. Even though the bones always got caught in his throat. My brother and I would sit next to one another... waiting for his terrible coughing to begin. Then one of us would be dispatched to the kitchen to get a heel of bread... to clear the bones. He'd gulp it down, and slowly his coughing would diminish. And then everything would be quiet again and we would go on with the meal... as though nothing had happened. One Friday... my parents went out... leaving my brother and I alone to serve ourselves and Grandfather. Mom left the fish warming on the stove. Breaded sole. The bread crumbs only helped to conceal the bones. When the inevitable coughing began... my brother and I just sat... and looked at each other... not moving. Grandfather's eyes got wide. His face became contorted and red... his arms flailing about. I raced to the kitchen and back with a heel of pumpernickel. Grandfather reached out for it convulsively. But... I... handed it to my brother instead. And he... back to me. Grandfatherpitched... Grandfather pitched... face forward onto the dining room table and then... back, knocking his chair over... pulling the tablecloth, silverware... mashed potatoes, fish... stewed tomatoes with peppers and onions... all of it on top of him. Heaped on the floor... behind the table he... Iooked like the remains... of some chaotic dinner party. My brother took the incriminating pumpernickel from my hand and... stuck it... into Grandpa's fingers. I think at that moment, my brother and I became accomplices forever. "Don't ever say a word about this," he said. "Just go to bed and pretend... that you're asleep." The next morning... my parents explained to me that... Grandpa had gone away on business... and had left me a very special kiss good-bye.

[on the radio]

David Staebler Are you out of your mind?

Spot Operator Sorry, Dave. The guy said it was an emergency.

David Staebler I don't care what the story is. I'm on the air.

Spot Operator Anything you say. I'm sorry.

David Staebler Enough talk. Let's hear our theme all the way through tonight. Until Wednesday, then, this has been Etcetera... and I have been your host, David Staebler.

Reds

Dreams of Revolution and Wealth in America

Eugene O'Neill Jack dreams that he can hustle the American working man, who's one dream is that he could be rich enough not to work, into a revolution led by his party.

Goin' South

Refusal to Participate in Dog Fight

Henry Moon I wouldn't take you to a dog-fight if you was the defendin champ!

[to a homely woman who's sizing him up for matrimony]

Easy Rider

The Paradox of Freedom and Society

George Hanson Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin about it and bein it, that's two different things. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, cause then they're gonna get real busy killin and maimin to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare em.

The Witches of Eastwick

Questioning God's Intentions Regarding Women

Daryl Van Horne Sorry, uh, just having a little trouble, a little trouble at home. A little domestic problem. Nothing to be alarmed at. Just a little female problem. Hi. Don't pay any attention. It's a cheap trick. Anybody can do it. I taught it to them myself. Ungrateful little bitches, aren't they? May I ask you something? You're all church-going folk. I really want to ask you something. Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? Huh? No shit! I really want to know. Or do you think it was just another one of his minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, floods! Do you think women are like that? What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes! Of course, when we make mistakes, they call it evil! When God makes mistakes, they call it nature. So whaddya think? Women. A mistake?! Or did He DO IT TO US ON PURPOSE!? Because I really want to know! Because if it's a mistake, maybe we can do somethin about it! Find a cure! Invent a vaccine! Build up our immune systems! Get a little exercise! You know, twenty push-ups a day, and you never have to be afflicted with women EVER AGAIN!

[he vomits; he pukes again; laughs; more chuckling]

The Witches of Eastwick

Power Dynamics Between Men and Women

Daryl Van Horne I see men running around, trying to put their dicks into everything, trying to make something happen. But it's women who are the source, the only power. Nature. Birth. Rebirth. Cliché. Cliché, sure, but true.

Alexandra Medford Why are you telling me this?

Daryl Van Horne Because you're an honest woman and I'm being honest with you. I like women. I admire them. But if you want me to treat you like a dumb twit, I will. But what's the point? You have brains, Alex, more than brains. And you don't even know it, do you? Well, most women do not.

[he stands]

Alexandra Medford Are you married?

Daryl Van Horne Good question! You see? Brains. The answer is no. I don't believe in it. Good for the man. Lousy for the woman. She dies. She suffocates. I've seen it. And then the husband runs around complaining to everyone that he's fucking a dead person. And he's the one who killed her. Where is your husband?

[laughs]

Alexandra Medford Dead.

Daryl Van Horne Well, sorry, but you're one of the lucky ones. When a woman unloads a husband, or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens - death, desertion, divorce - the three D's - when that happens, a woman blooms. She blossoms. Like flowers. Like fruit. She is ripe. That's the woman for me. Would you like to see my house?...In case anybody ever needed any exercise, the uh, pool's right over there, past the piano, where the, uh, ballroom used to be. Interesting word - ballroom.'... And, uh, over there is, uh, my study. Ah, this is my bedroom...The Borgias once owned the bed. Of course, you have to pay for it with your soul, but, uh, what the hell, I deserve a little luxury. You have to take care of yourself. No one's gonna do that for you, are they, hmm?

[he lights a cigar; he reclines on the bed]

Alexandra Medford What is it that you think you're doing?

Daryl Van Horne Being as direct with you as I know how. I thought you might appreciate it. And, uhm, anyway, I always like a little pussy after lunch. Whaddya say?

Alexandra Medford Are you trying to seduce me?

Daryl Van Horne I wouldn't dream of seducing you, Alexandra. I wouldn't insult your intelligence with anything as trivial as seduction. But, uh, I would love to fuck you.

Alexandra Medford Well, you know, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Daryl. And I will try and be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. Uh, I think - no, I-I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded. You're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Daryl Van Horne Uhm, would you like to be on the top or the bottom?

Alexandra Medford Good-bye Daryl, and thank you for a lovely lunch.

Carnal Knowledge

The Choice of Mutual Love

Jonathan If you had a choice...

Sandy Yeah?

Jonathan Would you rather love a girl, or have her love you?

Sandy I want it mutual.

Jonathan I mean if you couldn't have it mutual.

Sandy You mean would I rather be the one who loves, or is loved?

Jonathan Yeah.

Sandy It's not that easy a question. But, I think I'd rather be in love.

Jonathan Me too.

As Good as It Gets

Making It in New York

Melvin Udall This is New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere.

[to Verdell, as he throws him down the garbage chute]

About Schmidt

A Father's Dream of Warning

Warren Schmidt You're making a big mistake, don't marry this guy, don't do it.

Jeannie Schmidt What are you talking about?

Warren Schmidt The other night I had a dream and it was very real. Your mother was there and you were there and your aunt Estelle. And there was a... well, it wasn't really a spaceship, it was more like a blimp or an orb of some kind. And then a bunch of weird creatures came out and started trying to take you away, and you wanna know what? They all looked like Randall. Do you understand? And I was jumping up and down to save you.

As Good as It Gets

Humor in Overeating and Appearance

Melvin Udall How much more you got to eat? Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?

[Walks up to the couple he harassed earlier; Couple look at Melvin quizzically]

The Witches of Eastwick

A Mysterious Encounter with a Charming Stranger

Alexandra Medford Who are you?

Daryl Van Horne Just your average, horny little devil.

Carnal Knowledge

Conflicted Feelings About Commitment

Jonathan Why don't you leave me?... For God's sake, I'd almost marry you if you'd leave me.

Carnal Knowledge

Discontent in Domestic Life

Jonathan Alright, where the fuck is my shoehorn? This place is a mess! There's not any food in the house, half the time you look like you fell out of bed! You spend more time in bed than any other human being past the age of 6 months than I ever heard of!

Carnal Knowledge

Struggling with the Meaning of Life

Bobbie The reason I sleep all day is because I can't stand my life!

Jonathan What life?

Bobbie Sleeping all day!

Bobbie I need a life.

Jonathan Get a job!

Bobbie I don't want a job. I want you.

Jonathan I'm taken, by me. Get out of the house, do something useful, Goddammit.

Goin' South

Alcohol Accusation Among Friends

Sheriff Andrew Kyle Julia, are you drunk?

Julia Tate Sheriff Kyle, you know I don't drink.

Henry Moon Course she don't drink!

As Good as It Gets

Critique of Attitude Towards Depression

Melvin Udall Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression.

[to Simon Bishop]

Carnal Knowledge

The Complexity of Relationships and Their Endings

Jonathan At one time, it was great what we had... the kidding around. It can't have a natural time span. Affairs can't dissolve in a good way. There's always got to be poison. I don't see why, I really don't see why!

The Last Detail

Trust and Deception in a High-Stakes Situation

Buddusky Now don't worry about a thing. I'm hustling this guy, you understand? I got him right where I want him.

Mulhall Maybe he's hustling you.

Buddusky Yeah. Maybe he is, but, uh, this is not the time to argue about because if I don't win, we don't leave ], huh?

[[w:New York City|New York]

The Last Detail

Understanding Emotions in Complex Relationships

Meadows After... after... well maybe it was an act for her. I mean I know she was a whore. But I think she liked me.

Buddusky They got feelings just like everybody else, kid; she probably did.

Meadows Well, it was real for me. That's what counts.

Reds

Desire for Exclusivity in Love

Eugene O'Neill If you were mine, I wouldn't share you with anybody or anything. It'd be just you and me. We'd be the center of it all. I know it would feel a lot more like love than being left alone with your work.

Easy Rider

A Notable Establishment in New Orleans

George Hanson Madame Tinkertoy's House of Blue Lights. Corner of Bourbon and Toulouse, New Orleans, Louisiana. Now this is supposed to be the finest whorehouse in the South. These ain't no pork chops. These are U.S. Prime.

Easy Rider

Miscommunication Among Friends in Confinement

Billy I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.

George Hanson There was no misunderstanding. We're all in the same cage here.

Billy You must be some important dude. That treatment--

George Hanson What does he mean "dude"? Dude ranch?

Wyatt Dude" means a nice guy, you know? "Dude" means a regular sort of person.

Goin' South

A Disturbance in Good Luck Bandana

Henry Moon Hold on, Towfield, you're wrinklin my good luck ban-dan-na.

Memorable Quotes from Jack Nicholson