Marcy Goldman

Charlie: I need a word with ya, pal.

Shorty: Who is you? I'm busy.

Charlie: Too busy to make $50,000?

Shorty: Show's over, folks!

Drake: I want my gold watch! Put it here.

Shorty: Which one?

Drake: Which one"?

Charlie: Drake! This ape is a genius!

Drake: Is it true you do burglaries with that little ape?

Shorty: True? That's what we do best. Is that how I'm gonna make fifty grand?

Drake: We'll talk about that later. First, we need a little demonstration, free of charge.

Eva: But Dad, Katie has a dog. Jesse has a dog. Catherine has a dog. Billy has a dog. Even Maya has a dog.

Tom: Then you can be special and not have a dog.

Eva: [She is beaten momentarily, but she won't–––can't––give up hope. She taps the intercom button as her father does cramming bits and pieces of her clothing into her weekend bag] Very funny, Dad.

Eva: [She beams] Dad, look! Isn't he adorable?

Tom: Hi, Peter. C'mon in!

Eva: Scram, Jack!

Eva: Are you deaf? I said, stay out!

Eva: Dad? I'm ready for you!

Eva: That's me. That's you...

Tom: And who's this?

Eva: That's our rottweiler, Dad. Best dog in the world.

Tom: Eva, airline pilots don't have dogs. We travel too much.

Eva: No problemo. If you're flying, he could stay here with me.

Tom: Darling, how many times do you have to hear it? You can't keep a dog here.

Eva: It's not my fault if he's allergic to animal hair.

Tom: It's not his fault, either.

Eva: The only fashion he's not allergic to is Mum. And Jack.

Peter: C'mon, be reasonable. If you want a pet, you have to do it in stages. You start off with a clam, then a goldfish, then a turtle....

Eva: Then a rottweiler.

Shorty: You see? I warned yous! I trained him to pick gold, jewelry, cash, silver!

Shorty: It's a monkey, not an appraiser. Well, whaddya say?

Drake: This is perfect for the Marlow gig. Anything goes wrong, only a monkey'll be there to take the heat. He has to love it.

Shorty: Who's "he"? Just warn me what you need me to do. I won't let you down, I promise. Whaddya need me to do?

Charlie: Take it easy. First, we have to run it among the boss.

Drake: Charlie, let's give him a down payment. I have a hunch we're gonna do business with this guy.

Charlie: I had it, Drake, I––

Drake: Smart little guy! There's your advance, keep it!

Eva: My school nurse said people can get over allergies. Sometimes having a dog around makes your body get used to it.

Amy: Tom's allergy is not the only reason.

Amy: You're not responsible enough to care for a dog. You don't do anything I ask, your room is a disaster area, you never get anything finished on time...

Amy: Throw this in the kitchen, please.

Eva: No, stank you.

Amy: If you can't even deal with a dirty diaper, how are you going to clean up after a dog?

Eva: Because I'd be doing it for my own puppy.

Amy: Here, do this for your own brother.

Eva: Do I have to? I'm eating. He can hold it himself.

Amy: But a dog can't feed himself. You'd "have to" do it twice a day.

Eva: I know.

Amy: Would you give up watching your favorite TV shows since the dog had to be walked?

Amy: Eva, listen...

Amy: If you're so sure you can handle it, then convince us. Help out around here a little more, pick up after yourself......

Eva: And then if I––––

Tom: [He points to Jack, who is silently doing the hand motions of "Itsy Bitsy Spider"] Amy, look!

Eva: Down came the rain, and washed the brother out!

Amy: Your brother loves you so much, Eva.

Eva: Well, fine. I just don't want you to love him so much. You think everything he does is so...precious. I hate him, he's a nerd.

Amy: Don't you remember how emotional you've had if I warned you I was pregnant?

Eva: It sounded cool since Tom said I was getting a half-brother, but then an entire one showed up instead.

Amy: Warn you what. Why don't I pack his bag right now? I'll leave him on the street tonight, and let's hope someone really nice finds him and takes brief care of him.

Eva: C'mon, Mum...just shoot him.

Shorty: [The tacky trailer has been stripped clean––kitchen shelves, cabinets and all] She even took my freaking food!

Shorty: The little jerk's gone. She left and took him with her––because of you. She hated you and your stinking mess, and she hated me for keeping you around!

Amy: Eva, c'mon, get dressed!

Eva: Everything looks disgusting on me.

Amy: Do we have to do this every single morning? You're already late, and you know Paul isn't going to wait. Look at this mess!

Amy: Now get moving. And I'm leaving the rest of this stuff right here for you to put away if you get home.

Eva: Mum, have you been crying?

Eva: No, I'm just tired. I––I couldn't sleep last night.

Paul: [Eva hears every word––now she really has to hustle] Mrs. Gregory? If she's not down in two moments, I'm going without her.

Amy: [She pushes Eva out the front door of the apartment building] Why do you do this to me? You knew Paul wouldn't wait for you, and now I have to walk you to school.

Amy: Eva, that's enough! I said no!

Annie: Good morning, Eva!

Jesse: Well, this is my dog, Toto.

Eva: Do you feed him? Do you walk him? Do you clean up his poop?

Jesse: Well, actually, my mum does most of that stuff.

Eva: Then he's not really yours.

Jesse: Wanna bet? He is so mine.

Eva: Only until your parents decide he's a big agony and get rid of him.

Jesse: They're not getting rid of him!

Christine: Eva, please, wait! It's Jesse's time to speak. Do you want us to pay attention to you tomorrow if it's your turn?

Eva: Tomorrow? I can't do it tomorrow! I forgot–––I'm not ready.

Christine: That's what you've been saying all month, Eva. You have to learn to be more organized, to follow a schedule. Go ahead, Jesse.

Katie: Don't worry. You could always bring your baby brother.

Eva: My brother? Yuck. Forget it.

Drake: Shorty, this is Drake.

Drake: Looks like your monkey has a job. Call me as soon as you get in. The boss wants to meet you.

Coach: Boylan, whaddya you think you're doing here?

Eva: She shoved me first!

Sally: I did not! I never touched her!

Eva: You did so, you liar!

Sally: I did not, you troublemaker!

Coach: Alright, Boylan, that's it! Take a time-out!

Eva: [She manages to squeak] Help, please... Help...

Kaye: Oh, Harold, look at that little monkey! Isn't it precious?

Harold: [He turns to the woman] That's quite a pet you've had there, young lady. Isn't that some pet, Kaye? Does it bite?

Eva: I hope not!

Kaye: He's so soft!

Harold: Wherever did you get an adorable monkey like this?

Eva: He...ah...in the Caribbean––from some pirates!

Eva: Well, you know, retired pirates. They have a restaurant now.

Harold: What's his name?

Eva: [She bites her lip] His name? Uh...Dodger! Because he likes the hat!

Eva: [She smirks. What is the little guy up to?] Do you know you look like a monkey like Santa Claus with a sack complete with goodies?

Eva: Hey, you frightened him! Dodger, are you alright?

Eva: Hey, little dude. You're so cute! Did you run away from the zoo or the circus or something? Why did you come to me like that? My name is Eva. Do you need a friend?

Eva: [She slips him into the knapsack] Alright, now you're mine.

Eva: This is my room. You can stay here with me, but we can't let anyone see you, or they won't let me keep you. You're my secret, alright?

Amy: Eva?

Amy: Sure, you're cleaning up. Want a snack or something?

Eva: Whew! That was close. I mean, if she had seen you––

Eva: [She pauses, trying to think] What's wrong? What are you doing here? Are you trying to warn me something? You...ah...you...need to go pee.

Eva: Gross! Dodger, you can't do that!

Eva: Naughty, Dodger! Naughty. No pee-pee on floor! Naughty!

Eva: Pee-pee here. Yes! Poo-poo here. Sure. And then look...

Tom: Eva? Katie on the phone for you!

Eva: I'm in the bathroom. I'll call her later!

Tom: I've had the phone here, take it!

Eva: [She tries to motion Dodger to jump onto the toilet seat] I can't, I'm on the toilet! On the toilet!

Mark: What have you done?

Shorty: Don't you dare speak to me like that.

Mark: How did you find us? She knows you're here, she'll murder you.

Shorty: I'm not after her.

Woman: Who is this?

Mark: It's nobody!

Mark: You were always a nobody.

Shorty: Where's my monkey?

Mark: You don't know?

Woman: Who are you speaking to there?

Mark: I'm speaking to myself!

Shorty: Is the monkey here or ain't he?

Mark: [He gives his father a look] Of course not. She'd never let me keep him around. What just happened, you lost him? I can't believe it! You lost him!

Shorty: I didn't lose him, I just can't find him!

Shorty: [He peels off a bill] Warn that ungrateful two-timing mother of yours that the nobody is becoming somebody. Here, get yourself new sneakers.

Eva: I can't have a litter box because they'd see it, where we have no choice. Until you learn to use the potty.

Eva: You don't like it?

Tessa: [She wears a vampire shade of lipstick that matches her recently dyed hair and a bored expression on her face] Dinner's ready.

Eva: It says "Do Not Disturb" on the door! Can't you at least knock? I'll be there in a sec.

Tessa: You'll be there now, Eva.

Amy: Eva, Mr. Flynn called to say you closed the elevator on his dog's nose and didn't let them in on purpose.

Eva: I had to, Mum! If that dumb dog has hair all over me, just think how hard it would have been for Tom's allergy.

Tom: As that is, I've been sneezing all afternoon.

Eva: You see?

Amy: Nice girl!

Tom: Eva. It's for you, Katie.

Eva: Can you keep a secret? I mean, really swear to keep it? No, I don't have a crush on anybody. This is a real secret, Katie!

Eva: Oh, my heavens! I have to go. I'll warn you tomorrow at school!

Tom: What are you doing here?

Eva: Why, what's wrong?

Tom: I need the phone, and your mum wants you back at the table.

Jack: Whaa-haa-haa.

Eva: Shut up, Jack! Shut up and eat!

Amy: [sings] One little monkey, jumping on the bed. He fell over and bumped his head. Mama called–––

Eva: Please, wait! I hate all these rhymes!

Amy: Eva, what's the matter with you? Jack loves them.

Eva: I'm sorry, sing all you want. I'll go eat in my room for some peace and silence. Excuse me from the table, please.

Eva: Good morning, Mum.

Amy: You cleaned up! You dressed, you––

Eva: I'm supposed to learn responsibility, remember? Let's have some breakfast––I'm starved!

Amy: Something's up with Eva. Last night she gave up her favorite show to do her homework. As I went to wake her up this morning, she was already washed and dressed. At breakfast, she asked how Jack was thinking about on his toilet training. She was real curious about how I'm teaching him. Then she made her own lunch, with two bananas and an extra sandwich...

Tom: Sounds like she met a guy. That would explain the two bananas and the extra sandwich.

Amy: Right. And she's teaching this "guy" to use the potty?

Annie: A capuchin! Where did you get it?

Eva: What the? Capu-what?

Annie: Isn't it a capuchin?

Eva: I wish it is. My, um, my father brought him from the Caribbean. He's had it from a pirate. There's one fashion he isn't sure of. Is he going to grow up to be as big as a gorilla?

Annie: Oh, dear! I'd say he's probably completely grown now.

Eva: Whew! I, ah...it's supposed to be like a surprise present for my mum, but my dad wants me to train him first. And since I know this place is safe because my mum will never, ever come in here––could you keep him while I'm at school?

Annie: Of course! I'd love to.

Annie: What a grand surprise for your mum. Can you imagine her face if she sees it?

Eva: No, and I don't really want to.

Katie: Eva! We've all been waiting to hear the news! What's going on?

Eva: News? It's not news, it's a secret!

Girls: We won't warn anybody! Promise!

Katie: Go ahead, go inside! You can't listen to our secret!

Katie: Now you can warn me. What is this? I won't warn, I swear!

Eva: Katie, I can't. If I warn you, and you warn even one other person, it could ruin everything.

Katie: Ruin what? Perhaps I can help you. I'm your best friend.

Eva: Help me? I warned you I had a secret and you warned the entire class!

Katie: You're not my friend anymore.

Eva: Grand best friend, Katie.

Shorty: That's right, it's a very....ah...expensive brown capuchin trained to aid the quadriplegic. We assume the zoo would be the logical place to report a lost monkey, where I wanted to make sure yiz, ah, yous, ah...you, you knew where to reach me. Yes, I'm Dr. Benjamin Stevenson, 555-1232. This is my beeper number, then please don't hesitate to call, day or night.

Shorty: Would you mind if I tackled these up around the park?

Park Attendant: Be my guest.

Christine: Rough day?

Christine: I'll see you tomorrow, Eva.

Eva: Wait here a moment, alright?

Eva: He missed me!

Annie: [She grins appreciatively; She pauses as Eva packs Dodger into the knapsack] He was a very big hit around here. All the customers fell in love with him. The funniest stuff is how he loves the cash register. I couldn't keep him aside from it. He thinks it's the biggest toy in the world.

Eva: Do you have any books about monkeys like this?

Annie: No, we don't. Try the library. You know, the one down the street?

Eva: Grand idea! See you tomorrow!

Eva: Capuchins live in tropical forests. They eat fruit, dry seeds, eggs, insects, spiders––ew––small animals such as lizards––yuck!

Eva: From now on, I'm putting you a low-yuck diet. No more lizards and no more spiders.

Eva: [She glances proudly across the room at Dodger. So far, she has been doing a nice job as Dodger's mama] At birth, capuchins depend on their mothers for food, protection and transportation. The females in the social group may mate with different males. Members may leave and new members join in.

Eva: We're not different at all!

Eva: Like all New York monkeys, capuchins are at home in areas rich with trees. They spend most of their time up in the branches.

Eva: Monkeys can use their tail to grasp branches, swing and climb. Their feet are larger and more powerful than their hands.

Eva: He's alright. He won't rat on us. He can't speak.

Eva: Want to meet somebody? Wait.

Eva: Don't worry. This is my brother, Jack. Jack, this is Dodger.

Eva: Isn't he cute? You see, he's wearing diapers like you. You guys play while I do reading.

Amy: Tom! Come here, come see this!

Tom: Boy! What have we done right?

Amy: This is major. Whoopee!

Tom: Oh, I meant to ask you. This guy that you're going out with––

Tom: I mean your boyfriend. Excuse me, this little pal at school, who you always make the extra lunch for...

Tom: Does he have a dog?

Eva: I don't know who you're speaking about.

Tom: Hello, is this Pest Terminator?

Eva: Why are you calling a pet terminator?

Tom: Pest Terminator, Eva, pest. I haven't stopped sneezing in weeks. We must have rats.

Eva: Rats, exactly! I meant to warn you––I wish I saw one, or heard one, in the walls or the ceilings. I certainly think we have rats.

Eva: Did you see the rat guys?

Tessa: What the? Rat Guys? Must be a new band, because I never heard of them.

Eva: Can they warn if it's not rats?

Eva: Listen to me! Do these guys work on weekends? They can't, right?

Tessa: You're right, I can't work this weekend. I'm going to four concerts, and you're going to your dad's!

Eva: Oh, my heavens! My dad! One on one for two entire days!

Eva: Annie, I...I have to go to my dad's this weekend, and...

Annie: How grand! You won't have to concern about hiding Dodger, right?

Eva: Right.

Tessa: Want to go to the park?

Eva: Where am I going to hide him? How can I leave him here? What should I warn Dad? How can I change this? Who can I give him to?

Tessa: Eva! Your father's on the phone!

Tessa: Eva! Did you hear me?

Eva: I'm coming!

Eva: I have to stay calm.

Eva: Thanks, pal. I'll be alright.

Eva: Hey, perhaps I shouldn't be alright. I'm sick! Toxic! Temperature of 104!

Eva: Hello, Dad?

Peter: Darling, what's wrong? You sound awful.

Eva: I feel awful.

Peter: Well then, perhaps I don't have such hard news after all.

Eva: Hard news? What hard news?

Peter: I was calling to say I can't see you this weekend.

Peter: They switched my flight schedule just a few hours ago. I'm already at the airport. I have to be in Vancouver until Monday. Anyhow, if you're so sick––––

Eva: I'm feeling better, thanks.

Peter: Darling, I'll make it up to you, I mean it.

Eva: Don't be upset, Dad. I love you!

Peter: I love you, as well. Now hang up and let me leave a message for your mum.

Electronic Voice: Thursday. Five fifteen P.M.

Electronic Voice: I will erase your messages.

Katie: Hello?

Eva: Katie, it's me.

Katie: I'm not speaking to you.

Eva: Who cares? I need to speak to your mother.

Amy: What's the stuff for the weekend?

Eva: I'm going to Dad's.

Amy: Tessa warned me he called, but I didn't find a message.

Eva: [Boy, has she ever] I handled everything. He said he'll be waiting for me. And, Mum? Katie said they're going to the beach, where they could drop me off if you want.

Amy: I'll call Missie after dinner.

Tessa: You're a cool little babe, you know that?

Tessa: What's the matter with you guys? You're so silent.

Katie: Perhaps we don't have anything to say to each other.

Eva: Do you swear?

Eva: Are you ready? Don't shriek.

Tessa: That's more like it. Now go back to your seats and put on your seat belts.

Eva: He's here, you see? Must be waiting for me in the backyard.

Tessa: Just do me a favor, Eva. Make sure he's there and then come out and give us a wave.

Eva: [She disappears behind the house. She reappears seconds later, giving them a thumbs-up sign and a cheery wave] Okey-dokey!

Katie: Thanks for the ride!

Eva: Perfect.

Eva: Except I don't have a key. Dodger, we're in danger.

Eva: Two entire days alone, free to play and do anything we want––and I blew it!

Eva: He's totally trying to get us in!

Eva: Dodger! Open up!

Eva: [She smirks in embarrassment at the neighbor] Dad? My dad locked me out by mistake.

Eva: Open the door!

Eva: You're unreal!

Eva: I forgot the alarm!

Eva: Let go, I can't see!

Eva: He punches numbers, but which ones? Why don't I ever pay attention to the reluctant nonsense in life?

Eva: [She sighs and collapses against the wall. Speak about nerve-shattering experiences] Here goes. Whew.

Machine: This is Ned at West Tec Security. If you're there, Mr. Boylan, please pick up.

Eva: [She makes a face at Dodger; She pauses, listening, but laughs heartily] Hello? Yes, we're here. Uh-huh, everything's fine. You see, my dad had to go to the bathroom until we came in, and he forgot to shut off the alarm. If you must go, you must go. Yes, I'll warn him. Thanks for checking, it's alright!

Eva: This is not as easy as I thought.

Eva: Don't touch this stuff! If we break something, my dad will know somebody was here. C'mon, I'm starved!

Eva: Dad didn't go shopping because he wasn't going to be here. And I didn't bring any money because I'm foolish. Foolish nonsense!

Eva: Everybody on the boardwalk does it. If you don't have money, and you can't find it, you have to make it.

Eva: Have you ever been on a bike before? It's fun. Ready, Freddie? Let's go make money!

Eva: Boy, are you emotional? I knew you'd love it!

Eva: No, Dodger, no! Down here, you don't have to hide. Hey, you're going to be the special presentation today.

Eva: I'm sorry, we can't go home yet. We have to find the right spot and try to earn some money.

Eva: Careful, or you'll fall down!

Drake: Where have you been? You were supposed to check in, warn us how the training's going.

Shorty: Does it have to be now? Training's grand–––I'm trying to get in shape myself, jogging, you see?

Drake: I've had the boss breathing down my neck about this monkey stuff now. My job is on the line. I need to know I can depend on you.

Shorty: I'm sorry. I didn't want ya to concern. The monkey gets a cold, nothing serious. We was training at the vet's. It's all under control.

Charlie: [Drake takes the other, and they escort him to their limo] C'mon. Let's take a walk.

Drake: Yes. And then, we'll take a little ride.

Eva: Dodger, I–I can't do it.

Eva: Step right up, and pet this rare and beautiful monkey! He's sweet, he's neat, give yourself a treat! Don't be shy, give it a try! Come one, come all, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!

Eva: No, thanks, I don't take cameras––cash only. Understand? Money.

Japanese Woman: You take a picture, please?

Eva: [What a dumb mistake] Oh, sure!

Eva: Step right up and see the wonderful Caribbean pirate monkey! Pet him for a quarter, pictures for a buck, rub his head and get a farewell!

Man: My wallet's gone! Somebody stole my wallet!

Man: There's a pickpocket in the crowd!

Abigail: My earrings!

Amelia: My bracelet!

Eva: It's alright, we've had enough. You're brilliant, you know that? We made a fortune!

Eva: [She chortles and snaps the twenty] Woah! Who gave you twenty bucks? They would have made a mistake! But that's not our fault, is it? Dodger, this is our lucky day! Let's go to the store and stock up on food. I'm starved!

Eva: Stop it! They know my dad here.

Cashier: Cash, check or credit card?

Eva: What? Just regular money.

Woman: Little girl, can I look into your backpack?

Eva: No, why not?

Woman: [Then she faces Eva directly] I know her dad. He has a charge account here. I just want to see what you've had in there.

Eva: It's personal.

Woman: Where's your dad?

Eva: He's at the stores across the street. Can I please go now?

Man: What's going on?

Woman: I think this little girl has been shoplifting.

Eva: I didn't steal anything!

Woman: Then why don't you want me to look in your sack?

Store Manager: Look, darling, we all make mistakes. All I want you to do is walk up an aisle, and if there's anything in your backpack you forgot to pay for, just leave it there. If you do, I'll forget the entire nonsense.

Eva: Dodger, I have to leave you somewhere, then I'll––

Eva: How could you do this to me? You made me a thief!

Eva: Why did you have to do that? If they caught you, I'd have to get rid of you! Is that what you want?

Eva: Don't you kiss up to me now! You have no idea what you did, do you?

Eva: Yes, you should hide in here and think about what a naughty little monkey you've been!

Eva: What is that? Where did you get this?

Eva: You tore apart this stuff, as well?

Eva: Oh, dear! This stuff is from these people on the beach! This is horrible, really horrible!

Drake: [Shorty has swallowed hard. He knows that shopping means stealing. But can he find his monkey in time? Drake and Charlie have their own doubts. They've slapped an electronic surveillance bracelet––a tracking device––on his ankle] The monkey will drop in here to do some shopping.

Charlie: This is just to make sure we know where you are.

Shorty: Tisa, look into my cards.

Tisa: I see danger. Woman danger. She left and took her with a boy.

Shorty: Yes, yes. Who cares about that? What else?

Tisa: I see men. Dangerous men. Men who want to hurt you.

Shorty: They want to hurt me?

Tisa: They are capable of grand violence.

Shorty: That's why I need to find my monkey!

Tisa: A monkey? A brown-and-black one?

Shorty: That's it! You see him?

Tisa: [She nods in agreement] I really saw him. This afternoon, heading toward Lincoln on the back of a little girl's bike.

Eva: He's a break-in artist, as well. He knew exactly how to get into this house!

Eva: In here, hide!

Eva: Police!

Eva: That's the kind of English you understand. You're not from the circus, you're from a gang!

Eva: [Dodger lays behind her, stroking her hair in a typical monkey fashion; She begins patting the monkey's head] I bet you don't even know what "stealing" means. The books never said anything about you being a thief. You do it because somebody trained you. Whoever it was, I hate them! I'm going to un-train you. Starting tomorrow, I will dis-teach you to un-learn every single nonsense these jerks taught you!

Eva: No, Dodger! No luck! No! Absolutely not!

Eva: This isn't going to be easy.

Shorty: A cute little girl like that. Can you imagine? She stole from me, totally tore me off.

Woman: [She leans forward, lowering her voice] I'm not surprised. I caught her in here yesterday trying to shoplift. My boss let her go. Didn't even warn her dad.

Shorty: If I knew where she lived, I'd go speak to her old man right now.

Woman: I know him, he's single–––I mean, divorced. He's had a charge account here. I'll give you the address.

Eva: [Turning her head away, she bellows Dad's name; She speaks into the receiver again] The address is 227 Hillcrest. Hang on. Are you yet in the shower? I'm sorry, he can't pick up. He said just send the cab over. Thanks!

Eva: What are you staring at? I'm innocent, you're the one who did it. I'm just using it to get us safely home.

Eva: Let's do one last check upstairs and then we'll wait outside. C'mon!

Eva: It can't be the cab guy already.

Eva: Perhaps if we ignore them, we'll go away.

Hook: Hello? Anybody there?

Eva: You're shaking all over! Don't be so frightened.

Eva: Keep silent. We'll see who it is.

Eva: It's the pirate!

Hook: Open up! I need to speak to you!

Eva: Come down here! Hurry up! There's a man trying to get in!

Hook: I'm not trying to get in. I only want to speak.

Eva: Go away!

Hook: Get your father, girl.

Eva: He's busy.

Hook: Or perhaps, he ain't there at all!

Eva: We have to hide!

Hook: Mr. Boylan?

Hook: [It doesn't fool Eva. He means to hurt them. She has to get Dodger to a safer hiding place] Oh, little girl!

Shorty: Oh, little girl, don't be afraid. I only want to speak with ya.

Shorty: Where are you, darling?

Boylan: Driver, please, wait!

Eva: Farewell, Dad! See you in a couple of weeks!

Driver: I don't take minors. You've had money?

Eva: You see? Now go!

Eva: Can't you go a little faster?

Cabby: How much faster?

Hook: This much!

Tom: Hi. Where's Peter?

Eva: He, ah...you know, he was late for a date or something. Where's Mum?

Tom: With Jack at Megan's festival. Did you have a nice weekend?

Eva: Sure.

Tom: What's this?

Eva: I don't know–––how would I know? It's not mine.

Tom: Alright.

Eva: I'm tired.

Tom: Want to watch the ball game with me? Your Dodgers are playing the Pirates.

Tom: What did I say? What's wrong?

Kaye: You don't look like a doctor.

Shorty: What can I warn you, I've been in surgery all night. I can't rest until I find my monkey.

Harold: Now, we can't be sure it was your monkey we saw. First time was right here in the park, with a little girl. Same day Mother lost her earring and I lost my wallet.

Shorty: Sounds like it could be my monkey. Do you know where the girl lives?

Kaye: I'm afraid we don't.

Shorty: You said you saw the monkey the "first time". Where was the second time?

Harold: [He gives Shorty the address] Oh, over at the pet shop.

Eva: Don't let Dodger near the cash register! I'll explain later!

Eva: I did something I thought was alright. Only it turned out not to be alright, and now it's out of control. I want to undo it, but I don't know how.

Christine: No matter what you've done, Eva, you have to warn your parents. Go to your mum, speak to her. Don't be afraid.

Eva: I've been lying too much.

Christine: Then warning the truth is the only fashion to make stuff better. And you know what? It'll make you feel better after you've warned them.

Man: Store's closed. You can't come in.

Eva: Who are you?

Man: I'm from the laundromat next door.

Eva: Where's Annie?

Man: She's––she's not here, she had to go to the police station. A bit of an emergency, actually.

Eva: What's going on? Is she alright?

Eva: [There is a tight feeling in her stomach] Where's my monkey?

Man: Oh, dear, I don't know anything about a monkey.

Eva: Annie was keeping my monkey for me!

Man: All I know is that some horrible man came in and stole some stuff, got her horribly upset, and she had to run off and report it to the police.

Eva: The pirate! He found us! Now he's stolen my poor little Dodger, and I'll never see him again!

Mark: Where's my money?

Shorty: [He brushes him aside] Later, boy. Go back to the car. I don't need you right now.

Drake: [He looks at Charlie] This is it, Shorty, one step away from the big score. Amigo, let's show him the demo loot.

Charlie: Hey, wait! Why did he do that?

Shorty: C'mon, this ain't the time for joking around!

Charlie: I don't get it, Drake.

Shorty: You guys have a wallet? Give me a wallet.

Assistant: He's ready for you guys.

Drake: In a second.

Assistant: Now, Drake! C'mon, Charlie.

Drake: Don't move.

Eva: Mum, I want to speak to you. I'm in such big danger...

Tom: [He holds out Eva's jewelry box, crammed to the top with jewelry, wallets, tie clips and money] You bet you are!

Amy: Tom found this in your room! Eva, how could you have done this? Why?

Eva: I've never seen this stuff before, Mum. I didn't steal anything. It's my monkey. My monkey did it.

Tom: Your monkey? What monkey?

Eva: He jumped down on me in the park one day! I've had him for over a month.

Amy: What are you speaking about? We've never seen any monkey.

Eva: Because I've been hiding him! And just the other day, I found out that he steals like a maniac! And today, I went to pick him up at the pet shop, and the pirate who trained him had taken him back! My poor Dodger....I was trying to make him stop stealing, but now...

Eva: Tom, you have to help me find him!

Tom: For heaven's sake, Eva, if you're going to make up a lie––

Eva: But it's the truth!

Amy: No! Absolutely not!

Tom: Alright, let's call the pet shop.

Eva: No, wait! The stuff is, the man who's there now doesn't know about my monkey, because Annie had to leave after the pirate, and––

Amy: [She begins to weep] That's enough, just stop it! How could you steal from me?

Eva: I didn't, Mummy.

Tom: Her antique pin, her ring. They're not in here. Where are they?

Shorty: What has she done to him? Years of training, wrecked!

Tessa: Of course I never saw a monkey.

Eva: [She can shout it fifty more times, and no one will believe her. She has hidden Dodger too well, Eva thinks] Because I kept him hidden in my knapsack!

Amy: Peter! I'm glad you're here. Do you know anything about this?

Peter: About what? I was in the neighborhood doing errands, and since I missed Eva on the weekend––

Amy: Whaddya mean "missed" her?

Peter: Amy, I was flying all over Canada last weekend. What's going on?

Eva: Uh-oh. Dad.

Amy: Where were you this weekend while your father was out of town?

Eva: At his house.

Peter: What? Were you down at my house since I got robbed?

Tom: She stole from you, as well?

Peter: Eva did?

Amy: How could you have gone to your father's by yourself! What were you thinking?

Eva: I just needed time alone with my monkey.

Peter: What monkey?

Amy: She's been stealing all over town, and now she's trying to blame it on some imaginary, invisible monkey!

Eva: I'm warning you, he's real!

Amy: Go to your room.

Eva: But, Mum––

Amy: Go and stay there until you're ready to warn us the truth!

Driver: Hey, your monkey jumped off!

Jack: Da?

Eva: Here, Gus! I'm open!

Peter: This doesn't make sense.

Tom: Eva has always been so honest. I don't think she's ever lied to us before, do you?

Amy: It's not just like her. I don't believe she's a thief, and she certainly wouldn't steal from me.

Tom: I've had the evidence. But it doesn't add up for me, either.

Amy: I just find this "monkey" very hard to believe.

Tessa: Hello...Katie?

Tessa: Katie, listen to me. Is it real that Eva has a monkey?

Katie: Monkey? No luck, she would have warned me. No, I swear. Can I speak to her? Please, Tessa?

Tessa: Katie for you.

Eva: Ask her, she knows! She's seen my monkey!

Tessa: I already did. She has no idea what you're speaking about.

Tom: We need to decide how we're going to handle this. You have to try to get to the root of the problem. I see it happen all the time. A girl starts lying, does something wrong, next stuff you know, the parents call us to report a runaway.

Jack: Daah!

Amy: To Mum, Dad and Tom. I love you very much. Katie just warned me she saw my monkey in the park. I have to go rescue him. P.S.––this is not a lie. I swear. I'll never lie again, and I'll never keep a secret from you guys again.

Amy: Not now.

Amy: Not now, Jack! Please, wait!

Amy: Wait, what?

Amy: I know she's gone. I have to go look for her.

Jack: M-m-m...mo-kky!

Amy: What did you say?

Jack: Mon-key!

Amy: Peter! Tom! Hurry up!

Amy: Shush! He's saying his first word.

Jack: [He almost jumps up and down with emotion] Monkey! Monkey!

Amy: Don't you think he's trying to warn us something? That a monkey is here, and he saw it?

Peter: [He holds the toy out to Jack] This is what he's trying to warn us. Here's your monkey. Right, Jack?

Amy: Amazing! There is a monkey! She was warning the truth!

Peter: C'mon. Let's go find Eva.

Eva: [echoes] DODGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hook: [His grin is phony, his eyes dangerous] What have you done to my monkey, darling?

Eva: He's not your monkey anymore! He ran away from you because he hates you! He came to me!

Hook: He came to you just because he likes children! He belongs to my son, Mark, who's around here somewhere, looking like crazy for his monkey. You stole it from him. Now, you don't want to break this poor girl's heart, do you?

Eva: I don't believe you! Liar!

Hook: What have you done to my monkey? You brainwashed him! He doesn't steal anymore!

Eva: Are you serious?

Hook: That's right. And don't pretend you ain't did it! Don't you lie to me, girl!

Eva: I've quit lying! And I'm glad he doesn't steal anymore! Well done, Dodger!

Hook: My monkey's name is Fingers, not Dodger! I hate the Dodgers!

Peter: The monkey's getting away!

Tom: Don't lose sight of him!

Tom: My gun! He has my gun!

Eva: He came to rescue me!

Shorty: Where'd you get that gun? Drop it!

Eva: C'mon, baby, drop it and run!

Shorty: Easy now, Fingers! Easy there...

Amy: Eva! We're here!

Eva: Momma!

Eva: I'm sorry! I'm very sorry about everything.

Amy: Thank heavens you're safe, darling.

Peter: And thank heavens this monkey exists!

Drake: Get in the car.

Charlie: Get in the car!

Tom: Alright, pal! You're under arrest!

Shorty: Thank you!

Shorty: These men are murderers, they want to murder me!

Officer: Lieutenant, check this out.

Eva: He doesn't steal anymore! The pirate even said so. Ask him.

Amy: My––how come? This is grand!

Eva: Hey, Tom's not sneezing!

Tom: He's been with us so long, I've probably had used to him.

Eva: Can I keep him? Please? Now you know how responsible I can be––I took care of him so well, you didn't even know I had him!

Peter: She has a point.

Amy: Yes, I do, I really do.

Tom: [He winks at Eva] It's fine with me. I have to take that guy in. See you later, bucko.

Eva: Then whaddya say? Can I keep him? Can I?

Eva: He's your daddy, isn't he?

Eva: I love him a lot, you know?

Boy: Who cares? He belongs to me.

Amy: What's going on?

Eva: That's Dodger's real dad. I let Dodger choose, and he decided to go live with him. Can we go home now?

Peter: Perhaps you can work something out. A joint-custody agreement...

Eva: Now I know why he liked my hat. I mean, I understand. It's only fair, Dodger was his first. If I lost him, I assure you want somebody to give him back to me.

Eva: I just want Dodger to be happy. I'm going to think of him and love him for the rest of my life.

Eva: C'mon, don't be afraid. This is our big day!

Jack: Ev-a...mon-key.

Eva: E-va...Jack!

Eva: I'm ready for my show-and-tell.