Michael CaineQuotes

General Anton Vincent: I'm a rebel, and I go on until someone stops me.

General Anton Vincent: Tell her you're sick. You will learn far more from me than you will learn from the US education system.

Capt. Helena Anderson: Did we finally beat them? Or is this just a temporary victory?

Brad Crane: I - I don't know. But we did gain time. If we use it wisely, and if we're lucky, the world might just survive.

Capt. Helena Anderson: Won't the noise of the helicopters drown out your sound?

Brad Crane: No. It's an entirely different sonic level.

General Slater: The bees have formed almost a complete circle. Billions of em. And that's what we've been waiting for.

Brad Crane: Waiting for what?

General Slater: The battle plan is to get em all into one area - and then zap em.

Brad Crane: Are you endowing these bees with human motives? Like saving their fellow bees from captivity, or seeking revenge on Mankind?

General Slater: I always credit my enemy, no matter what he may be, with equal intelligence.

Brad Crane: General, if you use that, nothing will grow out there for the next ten years.

General Slater: Why worry about shaving when somebody's going to cut your head off?

Brad Crane: These bees, General, are of joint concern, and they are killing Americans, without reference as to whether or not they have a serial number and are expected to salute you! So there will be no air drops of any kind until I give the OK.

General Slater: Your OK, huh? Then it is just possible I can persuade you to attack this particular swarm, now that we know where it is. Attack and eliminate it!

Brad Crane: Possibly, if you can explain to me, how you air drop chemicals, without killing the native insect life. If your chemical will kill the African bee, it will also kill the American bee, right?

General Slater: Right. And better a few American bees than a lot of American people!

Brad Crane: [Crane storms off] That is the point, general. The honey bee is vital to the environment. Every year in America, they pollinate six billion dollars worth of crops. If you kill the bee, you're gonna kill the crop. If you kill the plants, you'll kill the people. No. No, general. There will be no air drop, until we know exactly, what we are dropping, and where, and how. Excuse me.

Brad Crane: [Holding it up; He starts pointing out the other fragments] Plastic. It's a piece of a plastic cup. There are pieces all around here. Look. Look, there. There. There.

General Slater: What's so significant about that?

Brad Crane: I'm afraid to speculate. But, I think, the bees, did this.

General Slater: Are you saying these bees eat plastic?

Brad Crane: No, no.But I'm wondering. Your American Honeybee has a weak mouth, that couldn't even break the skin, of a grape. But it looks like this species, is tearing up, plastic cups, possibly to line their hives. Now, if this is true, they didn't, just get here. I mean, the invasion, didn't, just now begin. They have been here some time. Breeding. Increasing.

General Slater: So?

Brad Crane: Well, suppose these bees, are using plastic, to insulate their hives.

General Slater: No bee is that smart.

Brad Crane: Suppose these African bees are.

Brad Crane: Bees, bees, what a lot of bees.

Brad Crane: We've been fighting a losing battle against the insects for fifteen years, but I never thought I'd see the final face-off in my lifetime. And I never dreamed, that it would turn out to be the bees. They've always been our friend.

Brad Crane: Look, what I do for a living isn't important. What is important, critical, is that there are probably other invading swarms and what these bees did here, they can do again, all over the Southwest and, ultimately, all over the country.

Brad Crane: [About the killer bees] We have been invaded, by an enemy far more lethal than any human force.

Robert Spritzel: What happened to you?

Dave Spritz: I got hit with a Frosty.

Robert: What is a Frosty?

Dave: It's a shake. From Wendy's.

Robert: Why did you get hit with a shake?

Robert Spritzel: This shit life.... you must chuck some things. You must chuck them in this shit life.

Robert Spritzel: Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. "Easy" doesn't enter into grown-up life.

Renee Pelagie: Can I impart to you his cruelest trick?

Dr. Royer-Collard: Of course.

Renee Pelagie: Once, long ago in the folly of youth, he made me love him.

Renee Pelagie: Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy.

Dr. Royer-Collard: My schedule is not the subject to the whims of lunatics.

Renee Pelagie: I beg to differ, you work in a madhouse. Your every walking moment is governed by the insane.

Dr. Royer-Collard: If you're going to martyr yourself, do it for God, not a chambermaid.

Dr. Royer-Collard: You prefer a book to your husband's company? Well no wonder, I'm only flesh and blood - that's no match for the printed page!

Dr. Royer-Collard: You know how I define idealism, Monsieur Delbenet? Youth's final luxury.

Alfie Elkins: You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?

Alfie Elkins: If a bird ain't got you one way, she's got you another.

Alfie Elkins: Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful. After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty, it's how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful.

Alfie Elkins: You've got to live for yourself in this world, not for others.

Alfie Elkins: It don't do to get dependent on nobody in this life.

Alfie Elkins: When a married woman gets too hot on, it's time to cool off.

Alfie Elkins: I told Gilda from the start that I ain't the marrying sort. And do you know what? She don't mind. She's a stand-by and she knows it. And any bird that knows its place in this world can be quite content.

Alfie Elkins: If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different.

Alfie Elkins: She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life.

Alfie Elkins: I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Alfie Elkins: [about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant] Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I said "Blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought".

Alfie Elkins: I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've got to say something for appearance's sake.

Alfie Elkins: What I loved once and what I love now are two different things.

Alfie Elkins: A married woman, see. Every one of em in need of a good laugh. It don't never strike their husbands. I always say, make a married woman laugh and you're halfway there with her. Of course, it don't work with the single bird. Start you off on the wrong foot. You get one of them laughing, you won't get nothing else.

Alfie Elkins: My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.

Walter: If I'm gonna live here, there's gonna be some conditions.

Hub: Conditions?

Walter: No more dangerous stuff. No more fighting teenagers. No airplanes. More vegetables, less meat.

Hub: [''Incredulous''] What do you expect us to die of? Old age?

Garth: Well... welcome home.

Hub: Damn. She doesn't deserve that kid. Maybe we'll get a lawyer.

Garth: No judge is gonna take a kid away from his mother, give im to two old bachelor uncles.

Hub: Well, maybe she'll sell im to us. How much money we got?

Garth: Hub- there's nothin we can do. He's gone.

Garth: Howdy, Stan.

Hub: You know, you're lucky, Stan. Lucky the lion got to you before *we* did.

Garth: Looks like he's going to need stitches.

Hub: Yeah, a lot of damn stitches.

Walter: What happened to her?

Garth: Looks like her heart gave out in all the excitement.

Walter: Look. I think she's smiling.

Garth: Yeah, I guess she died happy.

Hub: She died with her boots on, that's the main thing.

Garth: Protecting her cub.

Walter: She was a real lion, wasn't she? There at the end. A real jungle lion. A real Africa lion.

Walter: What kind of greedy, no-good scum would turn in Uncle Hub for money?

Garth: [''Leans in and grins''] Well, I would.

Walter: [''eyes widening with realization''] Ah, it was a trick.

Garth: Yeah, it was a trick.

Walter: So can I keep him? I'll look after him and take care of him and feed him and everything! I never had a pet of my very own before.

Hub: So kid, you want to take care of it, nurse it back to health?

Hub: Good. Then we shoot it.

Garth: That's some lion you bought.

Hub: That's some garden seeds you bought.

Walter: Don't worry, they're not as bad as they seem right at first.

Salesman: Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Garth: He's been here before! This is no ordinary salesman.

Salesman: Brothers McCann?

Hub: Hell, I like me a challenge.

Salesman: Can we talk?

Hub: Come out where we can see you!

Salesman: Put down your guns and I'll come out!

Garth: [''Grins''] This guy is good.

Hub: [Walter tugs at his arm] I'll cover him- you sneak around. What're you-what? What?

Walter: Why not see what he's sellin'?

Salesman: Let me just show it to you!

Hub: What the hell for?

Salesman: It's right behind my car!

Walter: Well, what's the good of having all that money if you're never gonna spend it?

Salesman: Trust me!

Garth: Could be the kid has a point.

Hub: Well. We'll see what the man's sellin'. Then we'll shoot im.

Garth: Good plan.

Hub: See, this here is exactly what I've been talkin bout. Ever since this kid was suckin on his momma's titty he's been shown everything but discipline. And now his idea of courage is ridin around botherin folks too good-natured to put a stop to it.

Hood 1: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?

Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.

Hub: [''to Garth''] Right.

Hub: [''Throws Hood 1 at the other teenagers.''] I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and TANKS! I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN! And loved only one woman, with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!

Hood 1: Let's show this old bastard who's tough! Get out your knives!

Garth: [the thugs immediately drop their switchblades] Now, boys, you're fixin to let those teenage hormones get you into a world of trouble.

Hub: Damn it, Garth, did I ask you to butt in?

Garth: Hub, you've just come out the hospital.

Hub: There's only four of em.

Garth: Well, look, look. You fight this one first, then I'll let you fight the other three after, okay?

Hub: [''To Walter''] Yeah! Watch this, kid.

Garth: [''To Hood 1''] Now, you- you better pick that knife up. Cause, son, you're gonna need all the help you can get.

Ralph: Hub, I don't see why you have to drive, it's my car!

Hub: Quit whinin'.

Ralph: We find that kid he's gonna get a piece of my mind.

Garth: There he is.

Hub: Lawyer! Stay in the car!

Garth: Hub, come on.

Hub: [hesitant] No, not me. You-

Garth: [Garth and Hub go over and sit beside Walter] Hub. Get out of the car. Planning your next move? Where you goin'?

Walter: Here. Area code 406, Montana.

Garth: How come you're not headin to Fort Worth, where your mum is?

Walter: She's not there. She lied. Again.

Garth: Listen, kid, we know you got your heart set on goin to Montana, but... it's late. Hub, help me out here.

Hub: Why? Sounds like his mind's made up. Good luck in Montana, kid.

Garth: We got better maps than that one at the house, right Hub?

Hub: Yeah, man needs a good map, that's for sure.

Walter: I've been to the orphan home before. I don't wanna go back.

Hub: [Garth gives him another look] Damn it, kid. It ain't our fault you got a lousy damn mother.

Walter: I guess I should get going. Which way is North?

Hub: I'll say one thing for this kid, he sure pisses off the relatives!

Garth: Listen, kid, do us a favor. If you come back to the house and stay awhile... Why, our relatives are going to hate it. I bet they hate it so much, they go away and leave us all the hell alone.

Hub: It's crazy enough, it just might work.

Garth: Come on, kid. Help us out here.

Garth: He's runnin for it!

Hub: I got im!

Garth: Damn. Empty!

Hub: Get ammo; I'll keep him covered!

Mae: Yoo-hoo!

Garth: Huh?

Hub: You send for a hooker?

Mae: Uncle Hub, Uncle Garth- it's me, Mae!

Mae: Mae! Pearl's daughter! And I brought Walter, your nephew!

Garth: Relatives.

Hub: [Groans] Damn.

Freddy Benson: [Sitting at the dinner table] Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?

Lawrence Jamieson: Of course you may.

Freddy Benson: [after a long pause, and with relief] Thank you.

Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?

Freddy Benson: No!

Freddy Benson: [omitted from the profit distribution] Excuse me. What about me? What do I get?

Lawrence Jamieson: You are the student. You get knowledge.

Lawrence Jamieson: You've been banging on your pots again, haven't you? I've told you... if you keep on doing it, you won't have any pots left.

Lawrence Jamieson: A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.

Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.

Charlie Croker: [when the bus is hanging over a cliff and the gold is sliding away; also the film's last lines] Hang on a minute, lads; I've got a great idea.

Charlie Croker: [after introducing everybody and laying out the plan] It's a very difficult job and the only way to get through it is we all work together as a team. And that means you do everything I say.

Charlie Croker: [just before the operation] Just remember this - in this country they drive on the wrong side of the road.

Charlie Croker: [when Camp Freddie accosts him] You wouldn't hit a man with no trousers on, would you?

Charlie Croker: [after an attempt at blowing a van open goes wrong] You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

Homer Wells: [voiceover] Dear Dr. Larch. Thank you for your doctor's bag, although it seems that I will not have the occasion to use it, barring some emergency, of course. I am not a doctor. With all due respect to your profession, I'm enjoying my life here. I'm enjoying being a lobsterman and orchardman. In fact, I've never enjoyed myself as much. The truth is, I want to stay here. I believe I'm being of some use.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: [voiceover] My Dear Homer: I thought you were over you adolescence - the first time in our lives when we imagine we have something terrible to hide from those who love us. Do you think it's not obvious to us what's happened to you? You've fallen in love, haven't you? By the way, whatever you're up to can't be too good for your heart. Then again, it's the sort of condition that could be made worse by worrying about it, so don't worry about it.

Homer Wells: Dear Dr. Larch, What I'm learning her may not be as important as what I learned from you, but everything is new to me. Yesterday, I learned how to poison mice. Field mice girdle an apple tree; pine mice kill the roots. You use poison oats and poison corn. I know what you have to do. You have to play God. Well, killing mice is as close as I want to come to playing God.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Homer, here in St. Cloud's, I have been given the opportunity of playing God or leaving practically everything up to chance. Men and women of conscience should sieze those moments when it's possible to play God. There won't be many. Do I interfere when absolutely helpless women tell me they simply can't have an abortion - that they simply must go through with having another and yet another orphan? I do not. I do not even recommend. I just give them what they want. You are my work of art, Homer. Everything else has been just a job. I don't know if you have a work of art in you, but I know what your job is: you're a doctor.

Homer Wells: I'm not a doctor.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: You're going to replace me, Homer. The board of trustees is looking for my replacement.

Homer Wells: I can't replace you. I'm sorry.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: [Speaking to the nurse] Sorry"? I'm not sorry. Not for anything I've done. I'm not even sorry that I love you. I think we may have lost him to the world.

Homer Wells: [giving back an X-ray that Dr. Larch gave to him] I don't need this. I know about my condition.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: It's your heart. You ought to take it with you.

Homer Wells: Uh, nobody's named this one yet.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Oh, it's my turn. Henceforth, you shall be Little Dorrit.

Homer Wells: Oh, you don't like that, do you? He's a boy, that's why.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Can't a boy be Dorrit?

Homer Wells: I don't think so.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: You do it.

Homer Wells: OK. Henceforth, you shall be Little Wilbur.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: I'm not crazy about the "Little".

Homer Wells: OK, just Wilbur then.

Buster: [digging grave of botched abortion victim] What did she die of?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: She died of secrecy. She died of... ignorance. Homer, did you expect to be responsible for their children, you have to give them the right to decide whether or not to have children. Wouldn't you agree?

Homer Wells: I'm not excepting people to be responsible enough to control themselves to begin with.

Fuzzy: Is your father dead?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Cirrhosis. It's a disease of the liver.

Fuzzy: What, a liver killed him?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: No, alcohol killed him. He drank himself to death.

Fuzzy: But did you know him?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Barely. But it hardly mattered that I knew him.

Fuzzy: Did you know your mother better?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Mm-hmm. She's dead now too. She was a nanny.

Fuzzy: What's a nanny do?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: She looks after other people's children.

Fuzzy: Did she grow up around here?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: No. She was an immigrant.

Fuzzy: What's an immigrant?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: Someone not from Maine.

Dr. Wilbur Larch: [discussing the legality of performing abortions] I know it's against the law. I ask you, what has the law ever done for this place?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: You don't find it depressing that Homer Wells is picking apples?

Dr. Wilbur Larch: In other parts of the world young men leave home and travel far and wide in search of a promising future. Their journeys are often fueled by dreams of triumphing over evil, finding a great love, or the hopes of fortunes easily made. Here in St. Cloud's not even the decision to get off the train is easily made, for it requires an earlier, more difficult decision - add a child to your life, or leave one behind. The only reason people journey here is for the orphanage. I came as a physician to the abandoned children and unhappily pregnant women. I had hoped to become a hero. But in St. Cloud's there was no such position. In the lonely, sordid world of lost children, there were no heroes to be found. And so I became the caretaker of many, father of none. Well, in a way, there was one. His name was Homer Wells.

Alexander Anderson: Who's up for an adventure?

Jasper: Julian and Theo met among a million protesters in a rally by chance. But they were there because of what they believed in in the first place, their faith. They wanted to change the world. And their faith kept them together. But by chance, Dylan was born.

Kee: [picks up a photo] This is him?

Jasper: Yeah, that's him. He'd have been about your age. Magical child. Beautiful. Their faith put in praxis.

Miriam: Praxis"? What happened?

Jasper: Chance. He was their sweet little dream. He had little hands, little legs, little feet. Little lungs. And in 2008, along came the flu pandemic. And then, by chance, he was gone. You see, Theo's faith lost out to chance. So, why bother if life's going to make its own choices?

Kee: Baby's got Theo's eyes.

Jasper: Yeah.

Miriam: Oh, boy. That's terrible. But, you know, everything happens for a reason.

Jasper: That, I don't know. But Theo and Julian would always bring Dylan. He loved it here.

Jasper: What did you do for your birthday?

Theo: Nothing.

Jasper: Oh come on, you must have done something.

Theo: Nope. Woke up, felt like shit. Went to work, felt like shit.

Jasper: That's called a hangover, Amigo.

Jasper: So, Human Project is having this dinner and all the wisest men in the world are there...

Theo: Human Project." Why do people believe this crap? You know, even if these people existed with these facilities in secret locations... Fuck me, that's strong. Even if they discovered the cure for infertility, it doesn't matter. Too late. The world went to shit. You know what? It was too late before the infertility thing happened, for fuck's sake.

Jasper: I was just trying to tell a joke, man.

Theo: Oh, I'm sorry, go on.

Jasper: No, I'm not tellin it now!

Theo: No, c'mon Jasper, go on!

Jasper: No, fuck it! I'm not tellin it to you!

Theo: C'mon, I'm sorry!

Jasper: OK, the Human Project gives this great big dinner for all the scientists and sages in the world. They're tossing around theories about the ultimate mystery, why are women infertile? Why can't we make babies anymore? Some of them say it's genetic experiments, gamma rays, pollution. Same old, same old. Anyway, in the corner, this Englishman's sitting. He hasn't said a word. He's just tucking into his dinner. So they decide to ask him. They say, "Well, why do you think we can't make babies anymore?" And he looks up at them, and he's chewing on this great big wing, and he says, "I haven't the faintest idea," he said. "But this stork is quite tasty, isn't it?

Jasper: Any girls?

Theo: No.

Jasper: What about the one we had lunch with? Lauren?

Theo: Lorna. That was ages ago.

Jasper: I liked her. What happened?

Theo: She decided to renounce.

Jasper: Renouncers? Are those the ones that kneel down for a month for salvation?

Theo: No. They're the Repenters. The Renouncers flagellate themselves for the forgiveness of humanity.

Jasper: Oh, right. Dating ain't what it used to be, is it, amigo?

Eggsy: Who the fuck are you? Where am I?

The Interrogator: This knife can save your life.

Eggsy: [Struggling to get out of the ropes] Fuck!

The Interrogator: My employer's got two questions for you, Eggsy. What the fuck is Kingsman? And who is Harry Hart?

Eggsy: I don't know who the fuck that is! Shit!

The Interrogator: Oh, Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends who gave me the same bullshit answer!

Eggsy: Fuck! Just cut the fucking ropes, please!

The Interrogator: Hey, Eggsy, is Kingsman worth dying for?

Eggsy: FUCK YOOOOOOU!

Harry: Congratulations. Bloody well done.

Eggsy: How'd the others do?

Harry: Roxy passed with flying colours. Charlie's up next. Want to watch?

Eggsy: Yeah. Alright.

The Interrogator: Is Kingsman worth dying for?

Charlie: No it fucking isn't! Shit! I'll tell you what you want, please! Chester King's Arthur! Arthur's head of the secret spy agency! It's called Kingsman! Get me out of here!

The Interrogator: Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated.

Charlie: No, that wasn't the fucking deal! FUUUUUUUCK!

Arthur: I've had such high hopes for you. You're a bloody disgrace.

Charlie: I'm so sorry. Please untie me.

Arthur: Untie yourself.

Charlie: Arth- Arthur, please. Shit. Anyone!

Merlin: Galahad, Percival, congratulations. Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you will have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. From now on, there are no safety nets. Understood?

Merlin: Good. Dismissed.

Merlin: Charlie. Time to go home.

Charlie: Fuck you! Fucking Dad's going to hear about this!

Hoagie Newcombe: Hang on to your socks, lads.

Jake: Hey! Wait a minute, man! You sure you know how to do this?

Hoagie Newcombe: Of course not! What kind of pilot do you think I am?

Hoagie Newcombe: I have an irresistible urge to kiss you, Ellen Brody.

Ellen Brody: Why?

Hoagie Newcombe: Because... it would not occur to you why.

Hoagie Newcombe: [shark rises out of water] Damn passengers! You're all the same! Complain, complain! Ohh shit!

Jack Carter: You bloody whore! Frank was too careful to die like that. Now, who killed him?

Margaret: I don't know nothing!

Jack Carter: Listen, the only reason I came back to this crap house - was to find out who did it. And I'm not leaving until I do.

Jack Carter: [on the phone with Anna] I fancy you. I wish I was touching you - right now - making love to you. I want - to stroke you - and kiss you all over. Where are you?

Anna: I'm in the bedroom. My black underwear.

Jack Carter: The sexy, silk ones? Take your bra off.

Anna: Stop it, darling.

Jack Carter: Now. Go on. Now. Now, hold them - gently. Slowly. Imagine it's me. When we're in South America - we'll make love in the sun. Roll over. Make love again - and again.

Margaret: I can't help the way I am.

Jack Carter: Why'd you see him so regular?

Margaret: Once a week.

Jack Carter: I call that regular.

Margaret: He was gentlemanly. I like that.

Jack Carter: Once a week, you like a gentleman, do you?

Margaret: Look! I'm me, right? We are what we are, like it or not!

Edna: What's that gun doing in your room? Suppose I phone the police, told them there's a bloke in my hotel... who's planning to shoot somebody?

Jack Carter: You wouldn't do that.

Edna: How do you know I wouldn't?

Jack Carter: Cause I know you wear purple underwear.

Edna: What's that supposed to mean?

Jack Carter: Think about it.

Jack Carter: Alright, I want to square things with you, first.

Keith: [laying in bed, bloody and beat up] Oh, yeah. How?

Keith: Stuff it! My girlfriend's coming from Liverpool tonight. Nice surprise, isn't it?

Jack Carter: I'm sorry. Here, get yourself a course in karate.

Keith: Frank said you were a shit and he was bloody well right! You even screwed his wife, didn't you! The poor bastard didn't even know if the kid was his!

Harry: [playing poker] Thought you were going soon.

Jack Carter: Soon. When you've lost your money. Won't take long.

Harry: Clever sod, aren't you?

Jack Carter: Only comparatively.

Jack Carter: [Pulls out some large banknotes, giving some to Doreen] I'm off tomorrow, so I don't suppose I'll be seeing you again. Here. Go and get your hair done.

Doreen Carter: Thanks!

Jack Carter: Be good... And don't trust boys.

Con McCarty: [to a naked Jack, who is pointing a gun] Jack, don't you think you ought to get dressed first.

Jack Carter: Out!

Con McCarty: Come on Jack, put it away. You know you're not going to use it.

Peter the Dutchman: The gun he means!

Eric Paice: So, what're you doing then? On your holidays?

Jack Carter: No, I'm visiting relatives.

Eric Paice: Oh, that's nice.

Jack Carter: It would be... if they were still living.

Jack Carter: You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. They're still the same. Pissholes in the snow.

Eric Paice: Still got your sense of humour

Jack Carter: Yes, I retained that, Eric.

Cliff Brumby: [blocking Carter's path] Listen, I don't like it when some tough nut comes pushin his way in and out of my house in the middle of the night! Bloody well tell me who sent you!

Jack Carter: You're a big man, but you're in bad shape. With me it's a full time job. Now behave yourself.

Jack Carter: [as he's leaving] Goodnight, Mrs. Brumby.

Jack Carter: I'm going to sit in the car and whistle Rule Britannia.

Jack Carter: [To Eric] You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.

Jack Carter: [snaps fingers as barman walks away] A pint of bitter in a thin glass.

Victor: This is not an ocean front suite, in Marbella. Did you notice that?

Victor: There's no

Victor: There are no flowers or champagne from the management. I don't, I don't see a Swiss chocolate on my pillow.

Victor: My masseuse is not at the door.

Victor: And I am, fucking dying, Alex!

Alex: Take it easy, Vic.

Ebenezer Scrooge: Must we return to this place? There is something else I must know, is that not true? Spirit, I know what I must ask. I fear to, but I must. Who was the wretched man whose death brought so much glee and happiness to others?

Ebenezer Scrooge: Answer me one more question: Are these the shadows of things that will be, or are they the shadows of things that may be only?

Ebenezer Scrooge: These events can be changed... A life can be made right.

Ebenezer Scrooge: [gasps and breaks down; Goes back to the Ghost, crying; Gestures to his gravestone; Falls to his knees, grasping the Ghost's robe desperately] Ebenezer Scrooge"?! Oh, please, Spirit, no! Hear me! I–I'm not the man I was! Why would you show me this if I was past all hope? I–I will honor Christmas and try to keep it all the year. I will live my life in the past, the present, and the future. I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me. Tell me that I may sponge out the writing on this stone. Oh, Spirit...Please speak to me!

Ghost of Christmas Past: Let us see another Christmas in this place.

Ebenezer Scrooge: They were all very much the same. Nothing ever changed.

Ghost of Christmas Past: You changed.

Jacob Marley: Why do you doubt your senses?

Ebenezer Scrooge: Because a little thing can affect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes, there's more gravy than of grave about you!

Robert Marley: More of gravy than of grave"?

Jacob Marley: What a terrible pun! Where do you get those jokes?

Robert Marley: Leave the comedy to the bears, Ebenezer!

Bob Cratchet: Excuse me, Mr. Scrooge, but it appears to be closing time.

Ebenezer Scrooge: Very well. I'll see you at 8 tomorrow morning.

Bob Cratchet: Um, tomorrow's Christmas.

Ebenezer Scrooge: 8:30, then.

Bob Cratchet: If you please, sir, half an hour off hardly seems customary for Christmas Day.

Ebenezer Scrooge: And how much time is customary, Mr. Cratchet?

Bob Cratchet: Well, the, uh, whole day.

Ebenezer Scrooge: The entire day?

Bookkeepers: [all talking at once] Oh, no! No! It was the frog's idea!

Bob Cratchet: If you please, Mr. Scrooge, why open the business tomorrow? Other businesses will be closed; you'll have no one to do business with. It'll waste a lot of expensive coal for the fire.

Ebenezer Scrooge: It's a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every December the 25th. But as I seem to be the only one around who knows that... take the day off.

Dylan: What do you want?

Walter Mabry: [to his henchmen] We need you to understand something very important. You and I are mirror images. You see, because like you, I share a very deep connection with my father. And like you, I'll stop at nothing to avenge any wrongs done to him. You know the only difference between your father and mine? No? Well, guess what? Mine's still alive. Get him up.

Arthur Tressler: So... this is the man who's spent a lifetime plotting against me. I wouldn't have known your face if it had been on a billboard outside my bedroom window. And you've spent, what? 30 years... thinking about mine?

Dylan: When my father died, your insurance company denied my mother her claims. And she died a pauper!

Arthur: I wouldn't have even known who your mother was! She was a digit, a nanobyte in a stream of data.

Dylan: Because nothing is personal to you, and everyone and everything is just a number, isn't that so?

Arthur: That is where you're wrong, Mr. Rhodes. Once you've made yourself known, it became very clear, very personal. My son...

Dylan: [referring to Walter Mabry] Yeah; the sociopath.

Arthur: The funny thing is, I have seven so-called legitimate children. Sniveling, snobbish, selfish, stupid runts. I have one illegitimate child who's a lot like me. The point is, he desperately wants something very much, and like any good parent, I will stop at nothing to get it for him. Your Horsemen have it. You will turn it and them over to us, now.

Dylan: I'm sorry, but the answer is no.

Arthur: Then I'm afraid you must die.

Arthur Tressler: What is your role with them?

Thaddeus Bradley: Role?

Arthur Tressler: Yes, you seem to know everything about them. What they're gonna do, where they're gonna be.

Thaddeus Bradley: If it makes you feel any better, this wasn't about you.

Arthur Tressler: Please tell me why this was not about me.

Thaddeus Bradley: This is a magic trick, Mr Tressler. Played out on a global scale. You, sir, are the "abracadabra", the distraction, while they set up the real trick.

Arthur Tressler: I was a $140 million distraction?

Thaddeus Bradley: Yes. And that very ego, which got you involved with them in the first place, is what keeps you from seeing that.

Arthur Tressler: You know-

Thaddeus Bradley: I can destroy you", yes, I know. Well, you won't. And you won't destroy them. Whatever this grand trick is, it was designed a long time ago, and I believe that what's about to follow, is really going to amaze. So I suggest you sit back and enjoy your front row seat. You paid quite a lot of good money for it.

Arthur Tressler: Whatever you stand to make...I'll double it, if you expose them now, and destroy them.

Thaddeus Bradley: I stand to make five million.

Arthur Tressler: Am I flinching?

Thaddeus Bradley: No, you're not.

Cutter: Take a minute to consider your achievement. I once told you about a sailor who described drowning to me.

Angier: Yes, he said it was like going home.

Cutter: I was lying. He said it was agony.

Angier: I thought you said I'd have to get my hands dirty.

Cutter: Maybe someday you will; I just needed to know that you could.

Judge: What a way to kill someone.

Cutter: They're magicians, your honor. Men who live by dressing up plain and simple truths to shock, to amaze.

Judge: Even without an audience?

Cutter: There was an audience. You see, this water tank was of particular significance to these two men. Particularly awful significance.

Cutter: * Closing narration

Cutter: Every magic trick consists of three parts, or acts. The first part is called the pledge, the magician shows you something ordinary. The second act is called the turn, the magician takes the ordinary something and makes it into something extraordinary. But you wouldn't clap yet, because making something disappear isn't enough. You have to bring it BACK. Now you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be fooled.