Steve CooganQuotes

Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.

Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.

Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.

Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!

Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.

Dana Marschz: It was?

Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.

Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.

Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.

Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?

Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.

Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.

Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.

Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?

Cricket Feldstein: My balls?

Dana Marschz: It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

Dana Marschz: [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!

Dana Marschz: It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.

Dana Marschz: Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.

Dana Marschz: I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!

Jason Cresswell: Never take your eye off the ball, Pat. First rule of business. Second rule of business, always be prepared for an opportunity when it arises, like I was just then. Yeah. Course I wouldn't expect you to understand that. It's Darwinian. You're a runt.

Pat Farrell: Is that what you think, Alan?

Alan Partridge: I wouldn't quite, you know, use those words. Well, I think... I think... The sort of the gist of what, you know...

Pat Farrell: I just don't like bullies.

Jason Cresswell: Seriously, did you give her one?

Alan Partridge: Well, I... I gave her a ruddy big kiss she won't forget in a hurry. Hand on the outside of the bra. Er... you know, reconnaissance. And then I just held her in my arms because told me she never knew her mother, and I said, "Well, my mother raised me and lived to a ripe old age. But guess what? I never really knew her." Erm... and... To get back on track, erm...

Pat Farrell: Alan, did you ever imagine what life would be like in your 50s?

Alan Partridge: I had hopes and dreams. I think we all did.

Pat Farrell: Penny for them.

Alan Partridge: Keep the penny, you've got a gun. But, yeah, I used to dream that one day I'd drive a brand-new Range Rover towing a speed boat.

Pat Farrell: I used to dream about growing old with someone I love.

Alan Partridge: Hm. Both valid.

Jason Cresswell: All I need to know is can you handle it?

Alan Partridge: Well, er... Would you ask that of a man who'd gone paintballing, realized he'd left his goggles at reception but carried on anyway?

Jason Cresswell: Why?

Alan Partridge: You're looking at him.

Jason Cresswell: Change is healthy, you shouldn't fear it.

Alan Partridge: I'm not scared of anything. Not even an elephant, which is interesting, because there's one in this room.

Alan Partridge: No-one's getting sacked. It's like Bobby Brushes, the caretaker, when the swimming pool allegations came out.

Pat Farrell: He was in bits!

Alan Partridge: Yeah. It turned out he was just helping those lads towel off. He was being nice. He didn't even know them.

Pat Farrell: Yeah, but where is he now?

Angela Ashbourne: He runs his own business.

Alan Partridge: There. He's back on his feet.

Angela Ashbourne: Rents out bouncy castles.

Alan Partridge: [turning, concerned] For adults, yeah?

Alan Partridge: Michael's just sent a text saying he hasn't bought toilet paper in 18 months.

Lynn Benfield: How does he...

Alan Partridge: He steals it from a pub.

Lynn Benfield: Oh.

Alan Partridge: That's a relief. Shared a bag of salty popcorn with him last week.

Alan Partridge: Oh. Hello, Mister Seagull. Have you come to take my spirit away? Go, gull! Gull... gull... gull.

Alan Partridge: I'm not going to sell my soul, Lynn. I want to, if you like, lend my soul to Goredale Media on a long-term basis for cash. It's a very different thing.

Alan Partridge: I am siege face.

Alan Partridge: That was a majestic voice. You can keep Jesus. As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews.

Alan Partridge: [pulled back into the building by a rope] I'm not retreating, Pat's tugging me off.

Alan Partridge: Michael. You look like some sort of big Geordie Anne Frank.

Alan Partridge: I've gotta say, Pat, kids don't make you happy. Some of the unhappiest times of my life have been with my kids. I remember... a holiday on the beach in Prestatyn. The kids came over to me and said, "Papa, Papa! Follow me," and... you know... I followed them about 200 yards across the sand dunes. When I got there, finally, all they'd done was dug a big hole. Miserable.

Alan Partridge: Oh, shit. This is the theme from Ski Sunday. Sorry for swearing.

Alan Partridge: Do I look like I suffer from panic attacks? I've had one panic attack in a car wash. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. By the time the giant hair dryer came on, I was in the footwell.

Alan Partridge: [about a one-night stand] Lynn, get rid of her. She's a drunk racist. I'll tolerate one, but not both.

Alan Partridge: [about fistbumps] Some people say it's more hygienic than a handshake. But who's to say you can't get shit on your fist?

Alan Partridge: [[Muslim|Muslims; [Christianity|Christians; [Judaism|Jews] Never, never criticize ]! Only ]. And ], a little bit.

Alan Partridge: It's the near future. An unprovoked chemical attack from France, or possibly China, has left us without a sense of smell. In a whiff-free world, what smell would you miss the most?

Alan Partridge: Which is the worst monger? Fish, iron, rumour or war? Pretty clear, that one.

Alan Partridge: I would've taken it off sooner but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child. Just passed his details on to the Social Services.

Tony Wilson: You know, I think Shaun Ryder is on a par with W.B. Yeats as a poet.

Tony Wilson: It's says so in the Bible, though, doesn't it? God made man in His own image'.

Rob Gretton: Yeah - but not a specific man.

Roger Ames: Tony, you're fucking mad.

Tony Wilson: Well, that is a point of view.

Rob Gretton: You've dropped a bollock, haven't you?

Tony Wilson: Yes, I've dropped a bollock. I've dropped a big massive hairy bollock.

Tony Wilson: What's wrong with London Records?

Rob Gretton: The name, for a start.

Tony Wilson: Martin, what are you doing?

Martin Hannett: Recording... silence.

Tony Wilson: You're recording silence?

Martin Hannett: Now, I'm recording Tony fucking Wilson!

Tony Wilson: Can I buy you half a lager?

Rob Gretton: You can buy me a pint.

Ian Curtis: [shouting across the bar] Wilson, ya fucking cunt!

Tony Wilson: [to Rob] That's original. Your drink's coming. Is he a friend of yours?

Rob Gretton: Yeah, he's our singer.

Ian Curtis: [crossing the bar to approach Tony] Out of the way, Steve.

Tony Wilson: Hi, Tony Wilson, pleased to meet you.

Tony Wilson: ... Is he gonna hit me? You're quite close to me there.

Ian Curtis: Yeah, I know, I wanna be.

Tony Wilson: Why?

Ian Curtis: Cos you're a cunt, mate.

Tony Wilson: I know, I heard you the first time.

Tony Wilson: Most of all, I love Manchester. The crumbling warehouses, the railway arches, the cheap abundant drugs. That's what did it in the end. Not the money, not the music, not even the guns. That is my heroic flaw: my excess of civic pride.

Tony Wilson: [To Roger Ames, explaining his'' raison d'etre ''for running Factory as he had been doing] I have protected myself from ever having to sell out by having nothing to sell out.

Tony Wilson: [To Roger Ames, explaining Factory's vision] Factory Records are not actually a company. We are an experiment in human nature. You're labouring under the misapprehension that we actually have a deal with, er, with our, our bands. That we have any kind of a contract, er, at all, and I'm afraid we, er, we don't because that's, er, that's the sum total of the paperwork to do with Factory Records, deal with, er, their various bands.

Tony Wilson: [About a scene involving Vini Reilly] This scene didn't actually make it to the final cut. I'm sure it'll be on the DVD.

Tony Wilson: [Whilst hosting 'Wheel of Fortune'] Welcome to the Wheel of Fortune. There it is, the wheel that throughout the centuries has been used as a symbol for the vicissitudes of life. Boethius himself in his great work The Consolation of Philosophy compares history to a great wheel, hoisting us up, then dropping us down again. "Inconsistency is my very essence" -says the wheel- "Raise yourself up on my spokes if you wish, but don't complain when you plunge back down" Now spin the wheel.

Tony Wilson: [after Shaun Ryder fires a gun in his general direction] You really ought to be careful with that, Shaun. You could take somebody's eye out.

Tony Wilson: [On the glossing over of Hilary, his second wife] OK. I should have found time to tell you earlier: I did have children with my second wife, Hilary, and there was a time when I was with Lindsay when that was all I wanted, and no, I've not been the best father in the world; yes, I could have been there, more than I have; and obviously I've got regrets. But this is not a film about me. I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be. I'm a minor character in my own story. This is a film about the music, and the people who made the music: Ian Curtis, Shaun Ryder, and Martin Hannett.

Tony Wilson: [About the music scene surrounding the Haçienda] It was like being on a fantastic fairground ride, centrifugal forces throwing us wider and wider. But it's all right, because there's this brilliant machine at the center that's going to bring us back down to earth. That was Manchester. That is the Haçienda. Now imagine the machine breaks. For a while, it's even better, because you're really flying; but then, you're fucked, because nobody beats gravity.

Tony Wilson: [After a stoned Martin Hannett tries to set fire to him] I am not a lump of hash. I'm in charge of Factory Records. I think.

Tony Wilson: [To the camera, while leaving Granada studios with Yvette Livesey for the first time] I'm being postmodern, before it was fashionable.

Tony Wilson: [To an overweight Martin Hannett, during some sessions with the Happy Mondays] You can't threaten me anymore, Martin. You're a big man, but you're out of shape, although you could sit on me.

Tony Wilson: [At a gig at the Haçienda] And tonight something equally epoch-making is taking place. See? They're applauding the DJ. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator, but the medium. This is it. The birth of rave culture. The beatification of the beat. The dance age. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing. Welcome to Madchester.

Tony Wilson: [About the Happy Mondays, and when Shaun Ryder is introduced to Bez] Every band needs its own special chemistry. And Bez was a very good chemist.

Tony Wilson: [to his friends, about A Certain Ratio's surprising move to another genre] Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves more than anyone listening to them does.

Tony Wilson: [To Peter Saville, about the tickets to the opening night of the Haçienda; [w:Sermon on the Mount|Sermon on the Mount] They didn't hand out tickets to the ]. People just turned up, they knew it was a good gig.

Tony Wilson: [To Lindsay, who's breaking up with him after Ian Curtis's death] Energy, energy? You don't know what energy is. That is nothing more than a lot of new age hokum masquerading as spirituality.

Tony Wilson: [When catching Lindsay having sex with Howard Devoto out of spite] I only got a blowjob. That's full penetration.

Tony Wilson: [After Lindsay storms off when catching him with the prostitute; to Lindsay; To the prostitute] I love you! Can you finish me off?

Tony Wilson: [When caught receiving an act of oral sex from a prostitute by his wife Lindsay] It's not what it looks like, love!

Tony Wilson: [First address to camera; after his hang-gliding news report] You’re gonna be seeing a lot more of that sort of thing in the film. All of that actually did happen. Obviously, it’s symbolic. It works on both levels. I don’t want to tell you too much, don’t want to spoil the film. But I’ll just say, "Icarus." OK? If you know what I mean, great. If you don’t, doesn’t matter. But you should probably read more.

Tony Wilson: [first lines] Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's the latest craze sweeping the Pennines. I've got to be honest with you... right now I'd rather be sweeping the Pennines.

Philomena: Sister Hildegarde, I want you to know that I forgive you.

Martin Sixsmith: What? Just like that?

Philomena: Its not just like that'... it's hard. That's hard for me. But I don't want to hate people. I don't want to be like you... Look at you.

Martin Sixsmith: I'm angry.

Philomena: Must be exhausting.

Sister Hildegarde: The Lord Jesus Christ will be my judge - not the likes of you.

Martin Sixsmith: Really? Because I think if Jesus was here right now he'd tip you out of that fucking wheelchair - and you wouldn't get up and walk.

Martin Sixsmith: I don't believe in God, and I think He knows.

David Ershon: Gentlemen, I can get you obstructed-view tickets for Rock of Ages. Even I admit that's not very temping, but I'm not made of tickets, goddamn it!

David Ershon: [with a gun pointed at him] Wait! Computers. What if one day...they were in charge?

David Ershon: This was a very clever idea.

Ambassador Mercy: The French can be fickle and Her Majesty would do well to be more attentive. Life is getting harder for the people of France. The bread shortage is grave.

Marie-Antoinette: [to Marie Therese; Marie Therese shakes her head back-and-forth] Well, there must be something the King can do to ease their sufferings. Tell the court jeweler to stop sending diamonds. You don't need any diamonds, do you? No.

Ambassador Mercy: Madame du Barry would like to offer you some diamonds.

Marie-Antoinette: I have enough diamonds.

Ambassador Mercy: Snubbing the King's favorite is publicly criticizing the King's behavior. All you need to do is say a few words to her; because of rank she is not allowed to speak to you first.

Marie-Antoinette: Well, I certainly have nothing to say to her. And why should I approve of his cavorting with a harlot?

Ambassador Mercy: [reproachfully] Your Royal Highness!

Marie-Antoinette: Well, that's what she is. Everyone knows that she's from a brothel and that title was bought for her.

Ambassador Mercy: Your mother and I are very concerned. Du Barry has been complaining to the King that you will not address her, and you cannot afford to fall out of favor with the King. Especially as your marriage... not exactly on solid ground.

Marie-Antoinette: [annoyed] Fine. I'll talk to her.

Phileas Fogg: Alms? Alms for the poor?

Monique La Roche: [just after Philieas has discovered the truth and is leaving] Don't let him go. He'll be lost by midnight. Go.

Phileas Fogg: [outside, surrounded by thugs with swords to his neck as Passepartout finds him] More of your relatives, I suppose?

Phileas Fogg: I feel faint.

Monique La Roche: Phileas, women are not that weak.

Phileas Fogg: No, but I am.

Phileas Fogg: I risked everything, my entire life's work.

Passepartout: For something you believe in. Nothing could make more sense than that, sir.

Phileas Fogg: [smiles for a moment] You're an honourable man, Passepartout, but I'm afraid this was a calamitous lapse of judgement.

Passepartout: [turns around and sees a painting of Fogg's family] Mr. Fogg, maybe we should let your family-

Phileas Fogg: There really is no one left to tell. This house and my inventions are all I have.

Passepartout: And a brave new French valet that will help you make it around the world in 80 days.

Phileas Fogg: You really believe we can succeed?

Passepartout: Yes.

Phileas Fogg: Yes! YES... You're mad, we'll be sliced to pieces before we reach India.

Phileas Fogg: Gentlemen, today I have proven that man can break the 50 mph speed barrier without disrupting his internal organs.

Lord Kelvin: Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorization?! Oh, what am I thinking? What a fool. That would mean that you are a real scientist!

Phileas Fogg: By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be to prevent man from progress.

Lord Kelvin: We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution" and on a future filled with "motorized vehicles", "radio waves" and "flying machines".

Colonel Kitchener: [marches into the room] Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse!

Scientist #1: [whispers in Passepartout's ear] Rumour has it that it was a foreigner, an Asian chap.

Scientist #2: Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow and he acted alone.

Lord Rhodes: Uh, no, actually, they say he was Norwegian.

Scientist #3: In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians.

Scientist #4: Yes, I heard from a very reliable source that it was a gang of red-headed elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet.

Phileas Fogg: [everyone gasps in anger] Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank. Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated!

Lord Kelvin: As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling.

Phileas Fogg: You rest on your "traditions" if you prefer, but as with this bank robber, progress waits for no-one.

Lord Kelvin: Oh. So now you're an expert on the bank thief as well? Give us the benefit of your "ineffable wisdom", Fogg.

Phileas Fogg: [gets out his pocket watch] Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China.

Lord Salisbury: If we're to believe Fogg's "calculations", he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight!

Phileas Fogg: Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to...exactly 80 days.

Lord Kelvin: [Passepartout smiles] Outstanding idea. Well then, Fogg. Let's see you circumnavigate the world in 80 days.

Phileas Fogg: [turns to go] I...That would be a fruitless use of my time. I'm on the verge of...numerous, countless...scientific breakthroughs.

Lord Kelvin: You coward! Admit it, it cannot be done.

Phileas Fogg: [stops and wheels round] It CAN! I can do it.

Lord Kelvin: A wager. £10,000!

Phileas Fogg: Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.

Lord Kelvin: I believe every man has his price. Even you, oh noble Phileas Fogg. There must be something I could offer that would be worthy of your time.

Phileas Fogg: [chattering begins] There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy. With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world into a new age of progress and discovery.

Lord Kelvin: Fair enough.

Lord Salisbury: What?

Lord Kelvin: [Phileas is taken aback by this vow, not knowing what to say] I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow to surrender my position as Minister of Science, to Phileas Fogg...if he can circumnavigate the globe... in no more than 80 days. But if he cannot, he must never set foot in the academy again, he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore he calls a laboratory, and he must swear... never to invent again. Just as I always suspected, Fogg. You promise so much, yet you deliver...oh, nothing!

Phileas Fogg: [quietly] I'll take your wager.

Lord Kelvin: What did you say?

Phileas Fogg: I'LL TAKE YOUR WAGER!

Lord Kelvin: Then it's done. A man who has never set foot out of England, circling the globe. This is going to be rather amusing!

Phileas Fogg: [roller-skates up to Kelvin; Big Ben strikes noon; Passepartout smiles] History won't remember your amusements, Lord Kelvin. But it'll be hard-pressed to forget the moment I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science... ...by the strike of noon... ...after I, Phileas Fogg, have traveled around the world in 80 days!

Phileas Fogg: [upon seeing General Fang's knife shoe embedded in his red book of rules] Yes, well... rules are made to be broken. Or... stabbed by a... spikey shoe.

Phileas Fogg: I travelled the world for inspiration, and found it in a man who lives what he dreams.

Phileas Fogg: [after drinking too much Chinese liquor] I am going to be abominably ill.

Phileas Fogg: [Gunshot goes off in background] I am a British citizen, I have nothing to fear! Except bullets.

Phileas Fogg: Here comes Mr. Grumpy... and the Leather-ettes.

Phileas Fogg: This is what happens when you leave home. You meet... people!

Phileas Fogg: [about Passepartout hitting buildings and statues of Paris while hanging on the rope of the balloon] Very impressive. I'd have let go by now.

Phileas Fogg: Twenty-six minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris. From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month, that man could be in China.

Jed: Where the heck are we?

Octavius: Ohh... Pompeii.

Jed: This is the last round up!

Octavius: We must never speak of what happened here today.

Jed: Come on, that wasn't necessary!

Larry Daley: [snaps his fingers, which to Jed and Octavius the sound is deafening] Hey! Guys! Hey, guys! Hey! Guys!

Jedediah and Octavius: Ow!

Larry Daley: Sorry. What's goin on? What happened here? I thought we had a deal.

Octavius: We will never coexist with these buffoons!

Jedediah: We're past words, Laredo. Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson do the talkin'!

Octavius: Ha! Those guns don't even work.

Jedediah: Oh, they don't? Take a look at this.

Octavius: Ay!

Jedediah: Don't kick me!

Larry Daley: [sees the miniature knights] Oh, my...

Octavius: Prepare the catapults.

Jedediah: Whoa, Octavius, hold on! This ain't your fight! This here giant's on our land!

Larry Daley: Hey, hey, little guy. Jed. Yeah. Sorry. Look, I just... I'm not a giant, okay? I'm just like an average size.

Jedediah: Don't talk down to me.

Larry Daley: [to the miniature knights] I'm not a giant, guys. All right? You guys are really little.

Octavius: We may be small. But our hearts are large... metaphorically speaking.

Larry Daley: Don't take that the wrong way. I'm just saying you're miniatures.

Octavius: Silence! The Roman Empire knows no boundaries.

Jedediah: Don't you do it, son.

Larry Daley: Do what?

Jedediah: Octavius!

Larry Daley: Don't do what?

Octavius: UNLEASH HELL!!!

Jedediah: D'oh!

Knight: FIRE!

Teddy Roosevelt: [reaches his hand; Larry climbs on Teddy's horse] Climb aboard, boy. Take the hand, son. On board.

Jedediah: [calling out to Larry] THAT'S RIGHT, YOU BETTER RUN, BOY! YOU HEAR JEDEDIAH?! THAT MUSTACHIOED HORSEMAN AIN'T ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE TO PROTECT YOU! YOU HEAR ME?!

Les Grossman: I see you. I see you. I see you. Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn?

Damien Cockburn: Uh, that's me, sir. It's an honor to finally meet you. Get some face time.

Les Grossman: [the key grip raises his hand] And who here is the key grip? You? You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard!

Key Grip: [reluctantly walks over to Damien; punches him in the face] Sorry, man.

Les Grossman: This is all your fault, you Limey fuck! You shit the money-bed, my friend.

Damien Cockburn: What?

Rob Slolom: God damn it, Damien! with all due respect, Les Grossman did not blow up the jungle.

Damien Cockburn: What?

Les Grossman: Fuck the jungle.

Rob Slolom: Exactly! come on, man.

Damien Cockburn: Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry, but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! he can't cry!

Les Grossman: You know how you handle an actor? they whine about anything, you pull down their pants and you spank their ass.

Rob Slolom: You spank that ass, Les.

Damien Cockburn: What?

Four-Leaf Tayback: Spanking a child turns him into a snot. Fear, that's what makes him a man. I know a place where a man's worth is measured by the ears hanging off his dog tags. The real hardcore shit! You wanna make this movie right? That's where you take your pansy ass actors.

Les Grossman: [beat] Who is this guy?

Rob Slolom: Les, that's Four Leaf.

Four Leaf Tayback: Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book.

Les Grossman: Wow. You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! Look, Cockburn.

Damien Cockburn: Yes.

Les Grossman: From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. Diet Coke!

Hades: Alright, come on. Come on, give it back.

Persephone: [to the hounds; throws her hand out; the gates slam shut, and the hounds leave] Fyge makria tous!

Grover: Bad dog! Bad dog!

Persephone: He won't remember a thing!

Percy: [draws his sword] Why'd you do that?

Persephone: [holds the bolt out to Percy] Because, he's cruel and abusive! The only thing I look forward to is my allotted time away from this hellhole. A war of the gods would put an end to all that, and I'd be alone with only him, forever. Go. Take the bolt. And your mother.

Hades: [yelling] Persephone! What could possibly be taking so long? Don't ignore me!

Persephone: [yells back; quietly] Or WHAT?! What will you do? I'm already in Hell.