Memorable Quotes from Will Arnett
13 quotesExploring Unconventional Methods of Conception
John Solomon
I think we maybe need to broaden our search to include less conventional methods of having a baby.
Dean Solomon
Like anal?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos Among Friends in an RV
Jamie
Who is that maniac?
Cassie
What do they like about us? We're not even that appealing!
[about the Gornickes]
Carl
DAD!!! THE TOILET'S BACKED UP!
Travis
Here's where you made your critical mistake: you listened to anything Howie and Joe Joe said. Nice boys, but they're a couple pliers short of a tool chest.
Mary Jo
Whoa. They are early risers.
[about the Munros]
Earl
He-He was covered in turd.
[about Bob]
Moon
My hero.
[about Carl]
Billy
Mr. Munro, I was just telling Earl and Moon about that neat laptop you were usin'.
Todd Mallory
Alright, no more details. Just email me the new proposal.
[hangs up]
Howie
Oh, dude, that is nasty.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of Fondue's Unique Flavor
Lou Redwood
Oh my God...what the fuck is that, it's incredible!
[about the fondue he just ate]
Jackie Moon
It's called fondue.
Lou Redwood
Fon-what?
Jackie Moon
Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted together. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, Munster, and cottage.
Bobby Dee
It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently.
Dick Pepperfield
Well, I'm not surprised; those Swedes are so inventive.
[others makes noises of agreement]
Bobby Dee
They are my favorite producers of pornography.
Jackie Moon
They do make an excellent fuck picture!
Dick Pepperfield
Well, I think I'll excuse myself from this conversation, right now.
Jackie Moon
To the men's room.
Dick Pepperfield
Oh, stop it.
Jackie Moon
To make your wiener sing...boner machine.
[others are laughing]
Dick Pepperfield
I am not a boner machine!
Lou Redwood
Swedish porn saved my life in Nam. Hey, come on, you guys. Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie while I was in the shit.
[others groan]
Bobby Dee
Is the shit in Ann Arbor? Cause that's where you were during the war.
[others laugh]
Cornelius Banks
You were never in Nam, you jive turkey.
[laughter stops]
Lou Redwood
Did you just call me a jive turkey?
[coldly; Cornelius shakes his head]
Jackie Moon
No. No, he did not, he uh...he called you cocksucker. Right Cornelius?
Cornelius Banks
Yeah, I just called you cocksucker!
Lou Redwood
Pretty sure you called me a jive turkey.
Dick Pepperfield
No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T.
Lou Redwood
Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!
Jackie Moon
Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we're in agreement, Cornelius said cocksucker. Right?
Bobby Dee
He just said you suck cock!
Dick Pepperfield
That's all he said about you!
Jackie Moon
Come on. Dig into that fondue...little cocksucker.
[others laugh]
Lou Redwood
We like playing games, don't we?
[laughing]
Jackie Moon
It's true, we're playing one right now.
Lou Redwood
I'm gonna show you guys this game I learned when I was in fuckin Nam! Who's the jive turkey now? Gun's not loaded!
[draws a gun and points it at Cornelius; bursts out laughing; all laugh]
Jackie Moon
It's not loaded!
Lou Redwood
You should've seen your goddamn faces! I never load it!
Cornelius Banks
The gun was not loaded!
Jackie Moon
I'll see you fuckers in hell.
[puts gun to his head and pulls trigger; all laugh]
Bobby Dee
Jackie, "Love Me Sexy" is the worst song I've ever heard.
[aims at Jackie and pulls trigger]
Cornelius Banks
I did call you jive turkey.
[aims gun at Lou, pulls trigger]
Dick Pepperfield
I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! Rrragh!
[playfully, pointing gun at Lou; pulls trigger]
Lou Redwood
We're saying nutty things cause they're not true...especially that, more than the rest.
[laughing]
Jackie Moon
Hey. Bond, James Bond. Eh?
[rests gun on forearm]
Dick Pepperfield
How do you like your martinis, sir?
Jackie Moon
Stirred, in a half carafe.
[aims gun at crotch and pulls trigger]
Cornelius Banks
He shoots himself!
Jackie Moon
He shoots himself in the wiener!
[tosses gun down and it goes off suddenly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About a Child's Appearance
John Solomon
Do you have any pictures of the kids? Something that we can... Oh, Dean. How about that little guy?
[points to picture of adoption agency representatives son]
Dean Solomon
No friggin way! Under no circumstances. Hes got like Bells Palsy or something.
[agency representative appears visibly upset]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bench Warmer Insights on Life
Lou Redwood
Well, he sat on the bench, right? I mean, if you watch a porn movie, doesn't mean you got laid.
Dick Pepperfield
No. No, in fact it often means the opposite.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of an Accident
John Solomon
So she got hit by a bus, huh? Poor girl.
Dean Solomon
Yeah, the bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200s.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflecting on Lost Family Connections
Fairchild Van Waldenberg
What's that, mother? You and father are sad that you were killed, driving Katie to her ice-skating lesson all those years ago? Yeah, me too.
Stranz Van Waldenberg
Remember how they used to be alive?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication and Confusion Among Characters
Kneller
Come on, Freddy! Come on!
[Waving a stuffed animal in front of Freddy]
Messiah
Don't do that.. you're confusing him.
Messiah
The dog has spoken.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jackie Moon's Impact on Flint Discussed
Lou Redwood
Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!
Dick Pepperfield
With the possible exception of, uh, Henry Ford...Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Smoking and Professionalism in Conversation
Dick Pepperfield
Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.
Lou Redwood
No, I like to smoke when I drink.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creepy Impressions of a Young Performer
Dick Pepperfield
He scares me!
Lou Redwood
That little kid from the Jackson 5, he scares ya too.
Dick Pepperfield
Oh, mark my words, Lou, there's something very creepy about that young man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Glory and Nightmares of Reality
Lou Redwood
You know, I might suit up tonight, Dick. Sometimes I still dream of glory.
Dick Pepperfield
Well, sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares, Lou.
[chuckles]
Lou Redwood
...What's your problem?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward Conversations About Intimacy and Appeal
John Solomon
I literally cannot wait to feel myself inside you!
Janine
Whoa! The only thing you're going to feel yourself inside of is a cold Dixie cup!
Dean Solomon
Well, that certainly doesn't make your vagina sound very appealing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.