Mean Girls (2004) - Quotes

Taglines: Beware of the plastics.

Taglines: Watch your back: They're your friends.

Taglines: Only the strong survive!

Taglines: This winter, be part of the in-crowd. (Selected tagline)

Taglines: Welcome to Girl World.

Cady: Regina! Wow, you look really beautiful.

Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.

Cady: Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault.

Regina: Stop making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.

Cady: I'm really sorry about all the other stuff, too.

Regina: [Cady smiles] Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now. You know, Aaron really does like you. He's always talking about how unusual you are and it really pissed me off. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn't want it...

Cady: You begged your mom to let you keep it?

Regina: [they giggle] No. I threw it down the stairs. I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me.

Mrs. George: [sees Cady] Regina! They're about to announce the queen. Hello.

Regina: [they giggle; waves] Can you believe my f-ing mom is here? Bye.

Cady: So are we still in a fight?

Janis: Are you still an asshole?

Cady: I don't think so.

Janis: Well, then I guess we're OK.

Cady: [after humiliating Regina] Regina, wait! I didn't mean for that to happen!

Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!

Cady: Regina, please! Regina, stop!

Regina: [turns to Cady and screams as she walks toward her; gets hit by a bus] Do you know what everyone says about you? They say that you're nothing but a home-schooled jungle freak, who happens to be a less hot version of me! Yeah! So don't bother trying to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology and shove it right up your hairy—

Cady: [voice-over] And that's how Regina George died. No, I'm totally kidding. But the fact is, she did get hurt. Some girls say they saw her head go all the way around. But that's just a rumor. Some people swear they saw me push her right in front of the bus. That was an even worse rumor.

Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?

Regina: Because I'm starving.

Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things.

Regina: Oh, really? And why is that?

Shane Oman: Because Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.

Regina: [stops chewing the bar and is very confused] What?!

Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.

Regina: [spits out the bite of the bar that she was chewing, and then screams in a fit of rage for nonstop without taking a breath, to the point where Shane nervously backs up, and then runs away. She doesn't stop screaming, even after he's gone] Motherf–!

Cady: Oh God.

Janis: You dirty little liar!

Cady: I'm sorry. I can explain...

Janis: Explain how you forgot to invite us to your party?!

Damian: Janis, I cannot stop this car; I have a curfew at 1 a.m.

Cady: You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be Plastic.

Janis: Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic!

Damian: Curfew, 1 a.m. It is now 1:10.

Janis: By the way, did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters and listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other's awesomeness?

Cady: You know, you're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your eighth-grade revenge!

Janis: God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean. You try to act like you're so innocent. Like, "Oh, I used to live in Africa with all the little birdies and the little monkeys.

Cady: You know what? It's not my fault you're like in love with me or something!

Janis: What?!!

Damian: Oh, no, she did not!

Janis: See? That is the thing with you Plastics. You think that everybody is in love with you, when actually, everybody hates you! Like Aaron Samuels, for example: he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why. Because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch!! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.

Damian: And I want my pink shirt back! You hear me?!! I want my pink shirt back!!

Gretchen: Regina, we have to talk to you.

Regina: Is butter a carb?

Cady: [rudely] Yes. And so is peanut butter, but only if you're eating crackers.

Gretchen: Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.

Regina: So?

Karen: So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.

Regina: Whatever! I can sit here any time I want. Those rules aren't real.

Karen: They were real that day I wore a vest!

Regina: Because that vest was disgusting!

Gretchen: You can't sit with us!!!

Regina: [pause; after being ignored] These sweatpants are all that fits me right now. But if that's the way you feel about it... Fine! You can walk home, bitches.

Karen: [''presses a button on her phone''] Hold on. Oh, my God. She's so annoying.

Gretchen: Who is?

Karen: Who's this?

Gretchen: Gretchen.

Karen: [''presses another button; to Regina''] Right. Hold on. Oh, my God, she's so annoying.

Regina: I know! Just get rid of her.

Karen: [to Gretchen] Okay. What is it?

Gretchen: Regina says everyone hates you because you're such a slut.

Karen: She said that?

Gretchen: You didn't hear it from me.

Cady: Little harsh, Gretch.

Gretchen: Whatever, she has a right to know.

Karen: [to Regina; ''fake cough''] I can't go out. I'm sick.

Regina: [sarcastically; ''hangs up; Karen gapes in shock''] Boo, you whore.

Karen: Did he say why?

Regina: [sniffling] Somebody told him about Shane Oman.

Gretchen: Who?

Regina: He said some guy on the baseball team.

Karen: Baseball team?

Regina: I gave him everything. I was half a virgin when I met him.

Karen: You wanna do something fun? You wanna go to Taco Bell?

Regina: [stomps off] I can't go to Taco Bell; I'm on an all-carb diet! God, Karen, you are so stupid!

Gretchen: [goes after Regina] Regina, wait! Talk to me!

Regina: Nobody understands me.

Gretchen: I understand you.

Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.

Karen: No. I am, actually. I'm failing almost everything.

Cady: Well, there must be something you're good at.

Karen: I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?

Cady: No. That's OK. Anything else?

Karen: I'm kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense.

Cady: What do you mean?

Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain.

Cady: Really? That's amazing.

Karen: Well, they can tell when it's raining.

Cady: [voice-over; out loud] I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80 percent of my time talking about Regina. And the other 20 percent of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more. She's not even that good-looking if you really look at her.

Janis: I don't know. Now that's she's getting fatter, she's got pretty big jugs.

Cady: [voice-over; out loud] I could hear people getting bored with me. But I couldn't stop. It just kept coming up like word vomit. I have this theory that if you cut all her hair off, she'd look like a British man.

Janis: Yeah, I know. You told me that one before.

Cady: [voice-over] The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.

Regina: OK. You have really good eyebrows.

Cady: Thanks.

Regina: [pushing Gretchen] Move.

Cady: [voice-over] Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with The Plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time, and everybody just knew stuff about you.

Short girl: That new girl moved here from Africa.

Bethany Byrd: I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops, so I bought army pants and flip-flops.

Jason: That Cady girl is hot. She might even be hotter than Regina George.

Mr. Duvall: I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The two were seen canoodling at Chris Eisel's Halloween party. They've been inseparable ever since.

Gretchen: Well, I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.

Cady: I wouldn't?

Gretchen: Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.

Regina: You're, like, really pretty!

Cady: Thank you!

Regina: So you agree?

Cady: What?

Regina: You think you're really pretty.

Damian: [about Regina] She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen.

Janis: Who cares?

Damian: I care. Every year, the seniors throw this dance for the underclassmen called The Spring Fling. And whomsoever is elected Spring Fling King and Queen automatically becomes head of the Student Activities Committee. And since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would say, yeah, I care.

Janis: Wow, Damian, you've truly out-gayed yourself.

Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damian sat next to her in English last year.

Damian: She asked me how to spell "orange".

Janis: And that little one? That's Gretchen Wieners.

Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudel.

Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business. She knows everything about everyone.

Damian: That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets.

Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, she is so much more than that.

Damian: She's the queen bee. The star. Those other two are just her little workers.

Janis: Regina George... How do I even begin to explain Regina George?

Emma Gerber: Regina George is flawless.

Lea Edwards: She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.

Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.

Amber D'Alessio: I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.

Kristen Hadley: [[Varsity Blues (film)|Varsity Blues] Her favorite movie is ].

Short girl: [[w:John Stamos|John Stamos] One time, she met ] on a plane.

Jessica Lopez: And he told her she was pretty.

Bethany Byrd: One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome!

Principal Ron Duvall: Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such vicious, reckless and violent behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?" I oughta cancel your spring fling! But I can tell that from the looks on your faces, you'd be very upset. Well, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. So you can all relax. But don't think for one second that I am not taking this Burn Book seriously!! Coach Carr has fled school property, and is nowhere to be seen or found. Miss Norbury's been accused of selling drugs, and could be sentenced to life in prison. Now what these young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're gonna get it. Right now. I don't care how long it takes; I will keep you here all night, if I have to!

Principal Ron Duvall: ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!!

Principal Ron Duvall: Hell, no; I did not leave the South side for this!

Regina George: This girl is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met! Do not trust her! She is a fugly slut!!

Janis: [to the female student body; to Regina] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after school and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... oh yeah, Cady – you know my friend Cady? Well, she made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. God! I am so sorry about all this, Regina. I am, really. I don't know why I did it; I just couldn't help myself. I guess it's probably because for some reason, I've got a big lesbian crush on you. And if that doesn't solve all of your problems, I don't know what will! So suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!

Janis: This is Damian: he's almost too gay to function.

Janis: [[w:Reserve Officers' Training Corps|ROTC; [w:Junior Varsity|JV] Where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial because you got everybody there. You got your Freshmen, ] Guys, Preps, ] Jocks, Asian Nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Unfriendly Black Hotties, Girls Who Eat Their Feelings, Girls Who Don't Eat Anything, Desperate Wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually Active Band Geeks, The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet, and The Worst. Beware of The Plastics.

Gretchen Wieners: [[Julius Caesar|Caesar; [Marcus Junius Brutus|Brutus] Why should ] get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? ] is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!

Cady Heron: [voice-over] Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.

Cady Heron: [voice-over] In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

Cady Heron: [voice-over] Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the Actual World and entering Girl World. And Girl World had a lot of rules.