Pinocchio (2022) - Quotes

Vocal effects: [[Frank Welker] ] (uncredited) — Figaro the Cat

Geppetto: Pinocchio. My boy, you're here?

Pinocchio: Yes, Father, I'm here. We're all here.

Geppetto: [groans] Oh. Cleo? Figaro? Figaro, Cleo, you're all here. Oh, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that we had all been swallowed by a whale.

Pinocchio: Yes, Father. But it wasn't a whale. It was a sea monster, and we got out.

Geppetto: Oh! Yes! Yes, we did. Now I remember. You saved us. You swam faster than any clipper ship could sail. No real boy could ever do such a thing. Oh, Pinocchio, you honestly did try with all your heart and that makes you a truthful boy. And you know what else it makes you? Unselfish and very, very brave. Pinocchio, when you first came to me, I might have made you think I wanted somebody else. But it was you I was wishing for. You will always be my real boy. There isn't a single thing I would change about you. I am so very proud of you... and I love you so very much.

Pinocchio: I love you too, Father.

Geppetto: Well, well, we have come quite a long way, haven't we, son?

Pinocchio: We sure have, Father. Now let's get you home.

Geppetto: Yes, let's get home. Come on, Cleo, Figaro. But... Pinocchio, do you know the way?

Pinocchio: We'll follow that light.

Pinocchio: Father? Father?

Jiminy: Pinoke, you made it.

Pinocchio: Jiminy, Father looks like he's hurt. I have to help him.

Jiminy: You go. I'll catch up.

Pinocchio: [Random; Random; voice breaking; sobbing] Father? Father, talk to me. Say something. Father, wake up. Father, Figaro is here. And Cleo. They're all here. Don't die, Father. Please don't die.

Pinocchio: [dives into the water and brings Geppetto up to the surface and on the broken half of the boat] Figaro, Cleo, I've got Father!

Jiminy: [floating down] Pinoke!

Pinocchio: Jiminy, thank goodness! I thought you were a goner.

Jiminy: [he and Pinocchio see Monstro emerging from the ocean, angrily chasing towards them] Look! He sneezed us back toward land! HERE HE COMES!

Pinocchio: [spots a cave in a cliff far in the distance] Everybody, hold on!

Geppetto: Pinocchio, I'm so happy to see you. Oh. So happy to see my boy.

Pinocchio: Figaro, you're here, too. And Cleo.

Geppetto: Yes, yes, we're all together again. Isn't it wonderful? Although, yeah, it is a bit strange to be inside the belly of a whale. But we will make do. It is a bit humid, though, isn't it?

Pinocchio: Father, I see your boat still floats.

Geppetto: Yes, yes. That is a good little boat.

Pinocchio: As soon as Monstro opens his mouth, we can sail out of here.

Geppetto: Well, I don't know about that, Pinocchio. I mean, look at all this junk. It looks to me like everything comes in, but nothing goes out, except the other way, presumably, but that is not a good option.

Pinocchio: [jumps on some dust, making Figaro sneeze; gets an idea] Father, what's inside that lantern?

Geppetto: Ironically, whale oil.

Pinocchio: That's right, and I have an idea!

Pinocchio: Father, I'm sorry I didn't come home after I got kicked out of school.

Geppetto: You got kicked out of school?

Pinocchio: Yes, for being a puppet. So I joined the puppet show and became famous.

Geppetto: You became famous?

Pinocchio: Well, almost famous. I danced in a puppet show and made lots of money. But then I got kidnapped and was locked in a bird cage, so I had to tell a bunch of fibs to Jiminy so my nose would grow so I could escape. But then I got scooped up by a coach full of foolish kids, and was taken to Pleasure Island, where I learned to drink… Uh, I forget what they called it. But anyway, Pleasure Island was bad because I grew donkey ears and a tail, and was chased by the vapor creatures who wanted to sell me to the salt mines, but Jiminy helped me and we jumped off a cliff into the sea and swam to shore, where we found out you sold all your clocks to buy a boat so you could look for me. And now we're here!

Geppetto: You did all that in one day?

Pinocchio: Yes.

Geppetto: My goodness. I haven't done a fraction of that in my whole life.

Pinocchio: I'm sorry, Father. I apologize for all the trouble I caused. (But yeah.)

Geppetto: Oh, no, Pinocchio, my boy. All is forgiven. I'm just so happy to see you safe and sound. Now we can go home again and we'll be all together! We'll be one big happy…

Sofia: [fleeing away] Monstro! It's Monstro! IT'S MONSTRO!

Jiminy: [floats all the way down to Monstro's mouth as he goes to sleep] Well, I'll be. He's asleep. Wake up! My friend's in there! Open up, you big blubber mouth!

Sabina: [gasp; chuckling] Pinocchio!

Pinocchio: Sabina? I'm so glad it's you!

Sabina: [gasp; chuckling] Look. You've got new ears!

Pinocchio: Uh yeah, and a new tail.

Sabina: Pinocchio, we, the members of the New Marionette Family Theater, have a very important proposition.

Pinocchio: You started your own puppet show?

Sabina: We sure did. Last night, the Carabinieri arrested Stromboli and put him jail.

Pinocchio: Wow. The New Marionette Family Theater! I like it.

Sabina: But there's more, we would be honored if you want me and your show.

Pinocchio: Really? You want me in your show?

Jiminy: All of his clocks are gone.

Pinocchio: What do you think happened to him?

Sofia: [squawking and appearing in sight] He sailed out to sea.

Pinocchio & Jiminy: [surprised] He sailed out to sea?!

Sofia: That's right. Sailed out to sea. Am I not speaking clearly?

Jiminy: How?

Sofia: How do you mean? In boat. He needed to get to Pleasure Island to lock for Pinocchio. So he sold all of his clocks and he bought a boat. Those clocks meant everything to him. It's his life's work.

Pinocchio: Gee. He sold his clocks to find me?

Sofia: That's right, kid. You mean more to him than his beloved clocks.

Jiminy: Moreover thanking anyone.

Pinocchio: [determined] Let's go!

Pinocchio: I still say it's not right to yell right as somebody's about to make a shot.

Lampwick: Get over it. Everybody's knows psyching out your opponent is a great strategy. You gotta do what you gotta do to win.

Pinocchio: You're wrong, Lampy. I still call what you did cheating.

Lampwick: [suddenly sprouts some donkey ears; Pinocchio gasps and pushes his root beer away; sprouts a donkey tail] Come on. To hear you talk, you'd think something terrible was gonna happen to us. Conscience, right. What a crock.

Pinocchio: Uh, Lampy, you might want to check your…

Lampwick: [turns and faces him, now with a donkey head; brays] What do I look like to you? A jackass?

Pinocchio: [gasps; laughs; brays as he covers his mouth] You sure are…

Lampwick: [brays] Hey, you sound just like a donkey… Did that come out of me?

Pinocchio: [horrified] Uh-huh.

Lampwick: [looks at his reflection in the mirror, seeing he's half-human and half-donkey, breathes heavily, then whimpers, finally realizing, and screams in horror; brays; rushes over to Pinocchio and grabs him; desperately; let goes of him as his hands start turning into hooves] Help! Somebody help me! I've been double-crossed! I've been played! Help me, please! Anybody! Anybody, please! Just call anybody! Help me, please! MAMA! MAMA!

Lampwick: Hey, Slats, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. How come you didn't bust any of them cuckoo clocks? Any real kid would love to smash those clocks.

Pinocchio: It just didn't feel right.

Lampwick: [laughs; chuckles] Listen to Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. Well, I guess you ain't transformed into a complete jerk yet.

Pinocchio: I don't want to be a jerk. I want to be a real boy.

Lampwick: [scoffs] The way you're going, you might make it to half a real boy. It looks to me like you still got a conscience inside of you.

Pinocchio: I wish I still did had a conscience.

Jiminy: Pinocchio!

Lampwick: Now we're talking. Am I great or what?

Pinocchio: It's awfully quiet. Where do you suppose all the kids went, Lampy?

Lampwick: They're around here somewhere. What do you care? They're all losers anyway. Four in the corner. Oh! Look at that. Another perfect shot, if I do say so myself.

Coachman: Welcome to Pleasure Island! Come right inside, enjoy the ride, and see the show! There's so much fun here to keep you smiling. And no one is ever gonna tell you "no!

Coachman: Well, kids, it seems we have a doubter in our midst. A killjoy who apparently doesn't believe in having fun. I mean, who doesn't believe in transformative experiences? Shall we all turn tail and go running back to Mommy and Daddy?

Children: NO!

Pinocchio: Look, you kids go. I'll go another time.

Coachman: Your conscience is the last thing you want to take to Pleasure Island.

Pinocchio: Pleasure Island? Is that where you're going?

Lampwick: You bet your sweet patootie that's where we're going. It's the greatest joy joint in the world. No cops, no parents, no rules. You can tear the place apart and nobody says a word.

Stromboli: [shouting in Italian, then in English; cut to him throwing Pinocchio and shuts him in a bird cage] What this nonsense?! Nobody in my show performs for free! Now pack! We leave in an hour! And you… Ooh, ooh, ooh. My little Pinocchio. I was scared to death you got lost or stolen. And we wouldn't want that now, would we? In an hour we go!

Pinocchio: Let me go! Let me out of here! Help!

Stromboli: [locks up the cage with a key] There. This will be your home. Where I can find you… Always.

Pinocchio: Oh, no. No, no!

Stromboli: Yes, yes. To me you are belong.

Pinocchio: Let me go! Let me out of here! Help! Father!

Stromboli: Father? No parent wants a bizzaria like you.

Pinocchio: No, no!

Stromboli: Parents want a real kid.

Pinocchio: [whimpering] Jiminy. Father. Help! Help! Oh, no. Help! Please.

Stromboli: [puts the key on a hook next to the door; speaking in Italian; in English; laughs maliciously and closes the door behind him, locking it] My little wooden gold mine.

Jiminy: Hold up here, Pinoke. Boy, they ought to do something about the loose gravel on this road. One of these days, a heavy wagon is gonna fling one of these rocks and hurt somebody. What in Sam Hill do we pay taxes for?

Pinocchio: What are taxes?

Jiminy: Nothing you need to worry about, especially now that you're not gonna be famous. But here's what you do need to know about school: One, pay attention. Two, obey the rules. And three, do whatever the teacher tells you to do. Got it?

Pinocchio: [Jiminy hops off his shoulder] Got it. Aren't you coming with me?

Jiminy: Uh, no, Pinoke. Most schools don't take kindly to insects. They lump me in with wasps, cockroaches and termites. I'll be waiting for you when school lets out. Get you home by the stroke of 3:17.

Pinocchio: OK, Jiminy.

Jiminy: [to the viewers] Whoa! See what I mean?

Jiminy: [to the viewers] He's a good kid, right? And here's the good news: It seems Pinocchio is serious about becoming brave, truthful, and unselfish, and he listened to his conscience. I bet you were thinking I dropped the ball, but old Jiminy picked up the fumble, and it's smooth sailing from here.

Headmaster: [kicks him out while all the other children laugh at him; heads back inside, shutting the door behind him] Out! Get out! Get out, and stay out! School is for real children, not ridiculous puppets. Puppets belong in a puppet show. Get in. Come on.

Jiminy: [stunned; goes to walk over to him, but Honest John traps him in a jar, as he runs over to Pinocchio, except Gideon, who looks at Jiminy with a taunting grin before following his friend] Well, I'll be. Hey! What's the big idea?! Get me outta here! Lemme out!

Honest John: This is an outrage! An atrocity!

Pinocchio: I don't think that teacher likes me.

Honest John: [slaps Gideon in the face] Oh, who cares what he thinks? His pedagogy is completely outdated. Is his curriculum child-led? Brain-based for a growth mindset? I think not. He makes no room for different learning styles.

Pinocchio: He said I didn't belong. All the kids laughed at me.

Honest John: Of course they did. Puppets make people laugh. Oh, you poor, poor misunderstood boy. Don't you see? You don't fit in a traditional educational environment. You are misunderstood, just like every great actor who ever walked the Earth. School is for ordinary, humdrum, common, boring, silly little children! Not brilliant artists like yourself. It's fame you want. Fame and fortune.

Pinocchio: But my father…

Hones John: Wanted you to go to school and you did. You went to school. You gave it the old college try. And what did the wise and learned schoolmaster say?

Pinocchio: He said I belong in a puppet show.

Honest John: [gasps; holds his hand out to Pinocchio, who reaches out for it and shakes it anyway] Alas, a puppet show. I rest my case. Now we're talking!

Jiminy: No!

Honest John: To Stromboli's! Fame awaits!

Honest John: [picks Pinocchio up; kicks Gideon away before setting Pinocchio down] Uh-oh. Oh, God! Oh, my, my! How clumsy of me. I am terribly sorry. I do hope you're not injured.

Pinocchio: Injured?

Honest John: Damaged. Broken. Irreparably splintered beyond repair.

Pinocchio: I'm not broken.

Honest John: [sighs in relief] Thank heavens. You must be constructed of pretty sturdy oak.

Pinocchio: I'm pine. That's why I'm called…

Honest John: [Laughs; tosses the apple aside after taking only one bite out of it] Yes, pine. Well, we can't all be constructed of quality lumber. Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. A man of letters. I presume you're on your way to lecture at the science academy?

Pinocchio: No. I'm going to school, so I can learn a bunch of stuff to be a real boy, and make my father proud.

Honest John: A real boy? Why on Earth would you want to be real when you can be… famous?

Pinocchio: Famous?

Honest John: Yes, famous. I'm speaking of the theater. Bright lights. Music. Applause. Fame!

Pinocchio: [starts to walk away, but Honest John holds him back with his cane] Fame? But I want to be real.

Honest John: Yes, yes, my boy. But did you know, many people say that you're not actually real until everybody knows about you? Why, to be famous is to be real. Until then, you're just a nobody. Do you want to be a nobody? No! Nobody wants to be a nobody. Everybody who's anybody wants to be a somebody.

Pinocchio: But my father said I should go to school.

Honest John: Of course he did. All parents say that. But he doesn't recognize your genius. Who needs an education when one has such a personality, such a profile, such a physique?

Geppetto: Pinocchio, I have been thinking. Maybe it is time for you to go to school.

Pinocchio: Really, Father? Really?