Michael Keaton Quotes

Mr. Mom

Discussion of Rocky's Character and Appearance

Jack Me and my wife went to the movies the other day, we saw Rocky. While I'm watching it, I'm thinking This guy has taken some falls you know.

Auto Worker 1 Which Rocky was it? 1 or 2, or 3?

Jack I don't know. Three I guess. But...

Auto Worker 2 Hey, did the guy have a mo-hawk like Mr. T?

Jack OK forget Rocky. The point is... when you're down, not not exactly out... I mean, I mean you gotta hang tough... I don't know.

Auto Worker 1 Well Hang tough baby! Do what Rocky would do! He didn't see Rocky.

[Jack walks out]

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The Founder

Adapting to Trends in the Restaurant Business

Mac McDonald So, we moved the restaurant, we're setting up shop, but now we wanna do a few tweaks, because now it's 1940 and drive-ins are all the rage. I mean, they're the hottest thing going, and I say, "Dick, we gotta get in on this," and Dick says...

Dick McDonald Okay.

Mac McDonald And two months later, we opened for business: McDonald's Famous BBQ. 27-item menu, uniformed waitresses, bring your food right to the car, and it goes gangbusters. We're going "great guns!" But then, sales started to level off.

Dick McDonald The drive-in model, as we've learned, has a few built-in problems.

Ray Kroc Tell me about it.

Dick McDonald I mean, for starters, there's the customer issue. Drive-ins tend to attract, shall we say, a less-than-desirable clientele.

Mac McDonald Teenagers.

Dick McDonald Hot-rodders and hooligans. Juvenile delinquents in blue jeans. And then, there's the service. It takes forever and a day for your food to arrive, and when it finally does...

Ray Kroc It's usually wrong.

Dick McDonald Yeah, the carhops are too busy dodging gropes to remember that you wanted strawberry phosphate, not cherry.

Ray Kroc Well, that's a thing to remember at all.

Mac McDonald And then, there's the expenses. The huge payroll due to the large staff required, dishes being constantly broken or stolen.

Dick McDonald Tremendous overhead.

Mac McDonald So, one day, Dick has a realization. He sees that the bulk of our sales are in only three items: Hamburgers, french fries, and soft drinks.

Dick McDonald 87%.

Mac McDonald So, we say to ourselves, let's focus on what sells. And that's exactly what we do. Brisket, gone. Tamales, gone. But, we don't stop there. We look at everything. What else don't we need?

Dick McDonald Turns out, quite a lot.

Mac McDonald and Dick McDonald Carhops?

Dick McDonald Walk up to a window, get your food yourself.

Mac McDonald Dishes?

Dick McDonald All-paper packaging, disposable.

Mac McDonald Cigarette machines, jukeboxes.

Dick McDonald Drive out the riff-raff.

Ray Kroc Creating a family-friendly environment.

Mac McDonald But that's not enough.

Ray Kroc Alright.

Mac McDonald See, our whole lives, we'd piggy-backed off other people's ideas. We wanted something that wasn't just different, it had to be better. It needed to be ours, and that's what brings us to the biggest cut of all.

Ray Kroc Which was?

Mac McDonald The wait.

Dick McDonald Orders ready in 30 seconds, not 30 minutes.

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RoboCop

Human Touch in Robotic Solutions

Raymond Sellars We need to give Americans a product they can love, a figure they can rally behind.

Liz Kline Sir, I have dissected this bill. There are no loopholes. We can't put a machine on the streets.

Sellars Forget machines. You saw the polls. Americans don't want a machine. They want a product with a conscience. They want something that knows what it feels like to be human. We're gonna put a man inside a machine.

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Johnny Dangerously

Anti-Smoking Advice from Johnny Dangerously

Johnny Dangerously And you know for you kids out there who are thinkin about smokin', don't start. And if you started, stop. Smokin don't make you look tough kids. It makes you look stupid. If you gotta put something in your mouth, make it a stick of chewing gum. Sure, thats what Johnny does. Smoking is the worst thing you can do to your body.

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The Trial of the Chicago 7

The Importance of Courage in Adversity

Ramsey Clark I'm in private practice now, and if John Mitchell wants to cut me in half, he can and he will.

Tom Hayden You have to find some... Sir, you have to find some courage now.

Ramsey Clark Find some courage? Yeah.

Tom Hayden Yes. You have to find some courage, and...

Leonard Weinglass Tom.

[silencing him]

Ramsey Clark That's what those two men came to tell me, that if John Mitchell wants to cut me in half, he can and he will. So I wanted them in the room when I said When do you want me in court?

[points at Kelly and Ackerman]

Howard Ackerman Mr. Clark?

[standing in surprise]

William Kunstler I'm sorry?

Ramsey Clark Swear me in, Bill.

Howard Ackerman It is against the law for you to testify, Ramsey. It is as simple as that.

Ramsey Clark It's General Clark. And arrest me or shut the fuck up. Found some.

[turns to Hayden]

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The Founder

The Power of Persistence in Success

Ray Kroc Now, I know what you're thinkin'. How the heck does a 52-year-old, over-the-hill milkshake-machine salesman... build a fast-food empire with 16,000 restaurants, in 50 states, in 5 foreign countries... with an annual revenue of in the neighborhood of $700,000,000.00... One word... PERSISTENCE. Nothing in this world can take the place of good old persistence. Talent won't. Nothing's more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius won't. Unrecognized genius is practically a cliche. Education won't. Why the world is full of educated fools. Persistence and determination alone are all powerful.

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Need for Speed

Racing Rivalry and Reckless Decisions Unfold

Monarch Kids, I'm looking at something that I can't quite believe. I mean, my inbox is white hot. I got a bunch of trolls sending me footage of something that is... mind-blowing. I'm looking at footage of a car that supposedly disappeared. That's the same car that Ford and Shelby were building when Carroll died. I'm looking at a gorgeous ghost. And I think that's Tobey Marshall inside there, driving that chariot of the gods. So I bow down to Tobey Marshall. Dino Brewster is on the line right now, Dino! Dino, Dino bambino in San Francisco. You need to see what I'm looking at. I'm looking at some aerial footage of Tobey Marshall flying across the country with the cops in tow, in a phantom Ford that will make your bowels loose.

Dino Brewster Tobey Marshall doing something stupid and reckless again? Didn't that guy just get out of prison for manslaughter?

Monarch Whoa! Dino, Dino, bambino. Hey, accidents happen in racing. Nobody knows that better than you, Dino, remember?

Dino Brewster I just don't wanna see him race at De Leon. You know, in fact, I'm willing to give up my Elemento to anyone that puts a stop to Tobey Marshall.

Monarch Wait a minute. Wait a minute, did you just say what I think you said? That cars is one of three in the world. You'll willing to give away your Lamborghini to stop Tobey Marshall?

Dino Brewster Yes, I am. And I'm gonna post some pictures online, so everyone knows exactly what they're looking for.

Monarch This is too good. This is too good! I got star-crossed lovers hauling a** across the country, I got Dino Brewster who just painted a huge bullseye on their a**! Oh, man, Christmas came early, wing nuts.

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The Founder

The Art of McDonald's Burger Assembly

Mac McDonald Speed. That's the name of the game. The first stop for every McDonald's hamburger is the grill. Manned by two cooks, whose sole job it is to cook those all-beef beauties to perfection. Meanwhile, as the patty cooks, our dressers get the buns ready. Watch out. Burger crossing!

[giving Kroc his first tour of McDonald's]

McDonald's Employees Burger crossing!

Mac McDonald Every McDonald's burger has two pickles, a pinch of onions, and a precise shot of ketchup and mustard.

Ray Kroc Now, where did you get those?

[points to the ketchup and mustard despensers]

Mac McDonald We made them.

Ray Kroc Made them?

Mac McDonald Yes, custom-built. The whole kitchen is. Next, this is the finishing station where we put the whole thing together. And...

Mac McDonald Voila! A fresh, delicious burger from grill to counter in 30 seconds.

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Need for Speed

Consequences of Illegal Street Racing

Monarch Well, now, hold on, cretins. I'm hearing over the scanners that the Koenigsegg does indeed belong to Dino and that's the missing evidence that killed Pete. Well, then it looks like Dino, Dino, bambino is going away for a long, long time. Well, kiddos, it looks like Tobey himself is gonna enjoy three hots and a cot in the pokey for illegal street racing. Mm-mm-mm. I don't know, Tobey, a few months in jail to prove your innocence. Was it worth it, kid?

[Tobey is arrested too]

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The Founder

Increasing Supply to Boost Demand

Ray Kroc I know what you're thinkin'... What the heck do I need a 5-spindle for... when I barely sell enough milkshakes to justify my single-spindle. Right? Wrong. Are you familiar with the notion of the chicken or the egg? Mr. Griffith, I mentioned... that there'd be costs. Well, I think it applies here. Do you not need the multimixer because, well heck, you're not selling enough milkshakes. Or are you not selling enough milkshakes because you don't have a multimixer? I firmly believe it's the latter. Because your customer comes in here and he knows if he orders a shake from your establishment... that well, he's in for a terrific wait. He's done it before and he thinks to himself, well, by golly, I'm not gonna make that mistake again. But if ya had the Prince Castle, 5-spindle, multimixer... with patented direct-drive electric motor we'd greatly increase your ability to produce... delicious, frosty milkshakes, FAST. Mark my words. Dollars to donuts, you'll be sellin more of those sons-of-bitches... than you can shake a stick at. You increase the supply, and the demand will follow... Increase supply, demand follows. Chicken, egg. Do you follow my logic? I know you do because you're a bright, forward thinking guy who... knows a good idea when he hears one. So... What do you say?

[first lines]

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Night Shift

Severing Ties with Finality

Bill Blazejowski I wash my hands and my feet of you!

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One Good Cop

Acknowledgment of Existence and Partnership

Artie Lewis Hello, Rit? We're alive. We're alive, partner.

[speaking on the phone]

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Need for Speed

Racing Beyond Competition and Rivalry

Monarch The Elemento just filcked the P1 into a roll, We're down to Tobey Marshall and Dino Brewster. This ain't just about racing.

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The Other Guys

Balancing Work and Personal Responsibilities

Captain Gene Mauch Listen, guys. I'm working two jobs. I'm working here, and I got another job at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Okay? I'm doing that just to put a kid through NYU so he can explore his bisexuality and become a deejay. Now the last thing I need is a ballistics report in the unit. I'm just gonna ask you guys. Please, come on. Really. Just think about it. Just be smart.

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Night Shift

Innovative Ideas for a Cleaner Future

Bill Blazejowski Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I got ideas coming at me all day... I couldn't even fight em off if I wanted. Wait a second... hold the phone! Hold the phone! Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!

[speaking into tape recorder]

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Gung Ho

Trust and Commitment in Unlikely Conversations

Kazihiro Can we count on you?

[Hunt has been offered a job by his Japanese bosses]

Hunt Stevenson Fellas... is a frog's ass watertight?

Kazihiro Yes. We believe it is.

[he discusses it with his colleagues in Japanese]

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Night Shift

Introducing the Love Brokers Concept

Bill Blazejowski We'll call ourselves Love Brokers.

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Gung Ho

A Confession Reveals the Truth

Hunt Stevenson First of all, I think you all should know something. See...gee, I don't know, I figure we made fifteen... you know...if we made 13,000 cars, we'd be so close to 15,000 right? That if we...

Willie Hunt. What are you trying to tell us?

Hunt Stevenson I lied.

Willie My god.

Hunt Stevenson Yeah, there was no...there was no deal for 13,000 cars.

Buster We walked out on a lie?

Hunt Stevenson I never in a million years thought it could lead to this, I swear.

Willie You should've told us the truth.

Hunt Stevenson The truth? You don't want the truth. You want to hear that Americans are better than anybody else. They're kicking our butts, that ain't luck. There's your truth. Sure, the great old American do-or-die spirit. Yeah, it's alive. But they've got it. I tell you, we'd better get it back. We'd better get it back damn fast. Instead, we're strutting around telling ourselves how great we are. I guess if I was really a leader, I would've told you this months ago. Instead, I was telling you basketball stories. I put myself in front of the town and I m really sorry. I swear to you, man, I m really sorry.

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Gung Ho

Appreciation for Decor in Gung Ho

Hunt Stevenson Hey, did you guys decorate this place yourselves? Because it's damn nice. It's real... Oriental.

[in a conference room in Japan]

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Mr. Mom

Morning Beverage Choices Discussed

Jack You wanna beer?

Ron It's 7 o'clock in the morning.

Jack Scotch?

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Night Shift

Innovative Tuna Fish Idea

Bill Blazejowski What if you mix...mayonnaise right in the can with the tuna fish? Hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute! Chuck! Take live tuna fish...and feed them mayonnaise. Oh this is good. Call StarKist.

[speaks into tape recorder]

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Mr. Mom

Commitment to Excellence

Ron Yeah? Are you gonna make it all 220?

[about rewiring the house]

Jack Yeah. 220... 221, whatever it takes.

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The Founder

Authority and Control in Business Relationships

Ray Kroc Let me explain something to you, Dick... You boys have full say over what goes on inside the restaurants. But outside, above, below... your authority stops at the door. And at the floor. All right?

Mac McDonald What is he saying?

Dick McDonald He's buying the land.

Mac McDonald Our land?

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Gung Ho

Confronting Authority with Humor and Sarcasm

Hunt Stevenson You're a maniac.

Kazihiro Last night I told off my boss.

Hunt Stevenson Oh yeah? Good for you. Was he awake?

Kazihiro Are you kidding? I was on him good. I was on him like hair on a gorilla.

Hunt Stevenson Where do you get these expressions?

Kazihiro TV.

Hunt Stevenson You're coming around, cosmonaut. Took you long enough.

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Gung Ho

Cutting Corners for Efficiency

Hunt Stevenson Now on these last few we might need to cut a few corners. Just little things, like...engines.

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Johnny Dangerously

Exploring New Areas of Crime

Johnny Dangerously Diversification. Yes, sir. We're constantly exploring new and exciting areas of crime. And I tell ya somethin'. We better, because there a couple Japanese gangs out there that are going to do it faster and cheaper.

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Night Shift

Questioning the Purpose of Their Job

Bill Blazejowski What's our job? We like drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?

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Mr. Mom

Historical Homeownership and Family Legacy

Alex Wow, what a house!

[about Ron's house]

Jack Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.

Caroline Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.

Jack Eh... hand me down.

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The Founder

Ray Kroc's Desire for Divorce

Ray Kroc I want a divorce.

[to Ethel during dinner]

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RoboCop

RoboCop Confronts Criminals and Asserts Authority

RoboCop Clara, take David and get out of the way now! Raymond Sellars, you're under arrest for the attempted murder of a police officer.

[they step away]

Raymond Sellars Are you here to cuff me? All right. Go head, cuff me. You can't. You're not programmed that way. If you go against the program, the entire system shuts down, so.

Liz Kline You don't even have a warrant. We'll overlook this little...

RoboCop Get down on the ground and put your hands behind your back.

Tom Pope I'm just from marketing.

RoboCop Now!

Pope Ok, yep, yep, yep Yep

[lies prone together with Kline]

Sellars Alex, we need to work together here, because I'm the only one with the technology to keep you alive.

RoboCop Dead or alive, you're coming with me.

[forced to crouch down]

Sellars All right. Weapon. Alex, honestly, I mean you no harm. If I wanted to, I could have killed you a long time ago. I just aim this right at your head and blow it off.

[to security guard]

Clara Murphy Sellars, please! Don't!

Sellars I mean, if I wanted to, I could just aim this at your little family and I could just kill them too. And really, there's nothing you could do about it because, let's face it, you're a robot. Do you understand that? Alex.

[as Alex struggles to aim his weapon because of the security protocols; points weapon at Clara and David; sees Alex preparing to fire at him]

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Night Shift

Understanding the Essence of Prostitution

Bill Blazejowski What are we really talking about here? Huh? What's the essence of what we're talking about? Spell it out for you if I have to. PROSTITUTION! Prostitution. Yeah, we can say it. We're big kids now, right? You know a lot of times it'll help you to understand a word if you break it down, so let’s do that now, shall we? PROS... it doesn't mean anything. Forget about that... TIT, I think we all know what that means. TU, kay two tit and TION, of course, from the Latin to shun... to say no, uh-uh, thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really, so let's get rid of that.

[writing on chalkboard]

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Johnny Dangerously

Reflections on the Weight of a Name

Johnny Dangerously I never should have picked a name like that. A name like that you gotta live up to.

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Mr. Mom

Navigating Parenthood's Confusion and Pride

Jack My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.

Caroline Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?

Jack Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?

Caroline Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.

Caroline I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?

Jack I'm goin downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.

[Eating pizza before going]

Caroline Yeah, well be sure to take pride in some of that FAT, Porky!

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Mr. Mom

Reluctant Agreement on Review List

Caroline Do you want to go over the list one more time?

Jack No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.

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The Founder

Business as War: Competing Philosophies

Ray Kroc While you two boys were content to sit back and become a couple of also-rans... I wanna take the future. I wanna win. And you don't get there by being some "aw shucks" guy sap. There's no place in business for people like that. Business is war. It's dog eat dog, rat eat rat. If my competitor were drowning, I'd walk over and put a hose right in his mouth. Can you say the same?

Mac McDonald I can't. Nor would I want to.

[pause]

Ray Kroc Hence, your single location.

Mac McDonald We want you out of this company, Ray.

Ray Kroc Mac, how do you propose we do that?

Mac McDonald We will sue you, whatever it takes.

Ray Kroc And you'd probably win. But you can't afford to sue me. I'd bury you in court costs alone. Mac, I'm the president and C.E.O. of a major corporation with land holdings in 17 states... You run a burger stand in the desert. I'm national. You're fucking local.

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Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Struggle for Relevance in a Changing World

Riggan Listen to me. I'm trying to do something important.

Sam This is not important.

Riggan It's important to me, alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me, to me...this is...God. This is my career. This is my chance to do some work that actually means something.

Sam Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You're doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it's over. And let's face it, Dad, you're not doing this for the sake of art. You're doing this because you wanna feel relevant again. Well, guess what? There's an entire world out there where people fight to be relevant every single day, and you act like it doesn't exist! Things are happening in a place that you ignore, a place that, by the way, has already forgotten about you. I mean, who the fuck are you? You hate bloggers. You mock Twitter. You don't even have a Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't exist. You're doing this because you're scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don't matter. And you know what? You're right. You don't. It's not important, okay? You're not important. Get used to it. Dad...

[long pause]

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Need for Speed

Police Pursuit and Unexpected Race Developments

Helicopter Voice Police Dispatch, confirm rescue is rolling. We have another officer down as well as another suspect. 18-5, are you set up for the pit?

[after another crash takes out another police car and Johnny V]

18-5 Police 18-5 in position.

Helicopter Voice Police Suspects approaching on a five count. 18-5, countdown begins. Five, four, three, two, one. 18-5, perfect pit. Lead suspect down.

[the pit takes out English Paul]

Monarch I'm hearing over scanners, the Bugatti has just got taken out. Man, wait a minute... Wait a minute, Tobey Marshall has somehow just taken the lead! Dino Brewster is running last in third place?! Are you kidding me?! And then three were three.

Helicopter Voice Police We need containment set at Navarro Bridge.

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Need for Speed

Tobey Marshall's Path to Victory

Tobey Marshall Pete, I need you, pal. Okay, let's go.

[Gradually, he closes in on Dino. Dino attempts to ram Tobey off the road, but Tobey dodges, causing Dino to flip his car.]

Monarch Oh! Jeez, Dino too a swing and missed and filpped the Elemento. Dino Brewster is out! Down goes Dino! Down goes Dino! Tobey is the last man standing! He's gonna win the De Leon! The Marshall kid from Mount Kisco! He's gonna make a milk run to victory!

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The Founder

American Success Story in a Nutshell

Ray Kroc A couple of Illinois boys. Made good. Only in America. Only in America. Only in America!

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The Founder

Ordering at McDonald's: A Simple Transaction

Employee (San Bernadino) Hi, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?

Ray Kroc Yeah, I'll have a hamburger, french fries, and a Coca-Cola.

Employee (San Bernadino) That'll be 35 cents, please.

Ray Kroc All right.

Employee (San Bernadino) 15 cents is your change.

Employee (San Bernadino) Here you are.

Ray Kroc What's this?

[Points to it]

Employee (San Bernadino) Your food.

Ray Kroc No, no, no, I just ordered.

Employee (San Bernadino) And now it's here.

Ray Kroc You sure?

[Seems hesitant]

Ray Kroc All right.

Ray Kroc Where's the umm... the silverware and plates and everything?

Employee (San Bernadino) You just eat it straight out of the wrapper, and then you throw it all out.

Ray Kroc Really? OK.

Ray Kroc Where do I eat it?

Employee (San Bernadino) In your car, at the park, at home. Wherever you like.

[Appears uneasy himself answering his questions]

Ray Kroc OK. OK. OK, thank you.

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The Founder

The Ambition Behind the Golden Arches

Ray Kroc Nobody had eight multi-mixers in one business. So I went out there. And I was amazed! They were serving hamburgers for fifteen cents. French fries for ten cents and milkshakes for twenty cents. And basically that was the menu, and I said, that's for me. Now I have ultimatums, you know. Except that I'd like to be able to say that. I bought the agreement back from them for two million, seven hundred thousand dollars. I got the name, the golden arches, basically it was a matter of me working longer and harder than anybody else. I'll take every resource that I have and I'll put it in and I'll go for broke if I believe in it. The only thing I could do besides play the piano, was to talk. What happened to my talk? It's not dog eat dog out there in that competitive world, it's more like rat eat rat.

[during the end credits]

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Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

The Weight of Legacy in Theater

Mike Intimidating, isn't it? You have any idea the people who have walked on these boards...before you? Geraldine Page, ], Jason Robards, ], and now...Riggan Thomson.

[[Helen Hayes; [Marlon Brando]

Riggan Yeah. Hey, thanks for coming in on such short notice, Mike. I really appreciate it.

[chuckling]

Mike This is what I do. You wrote this adaptation?

Riggan I did, yeah.

Mike And you're directing and starring in your adaptation?

Riggan I am, yeah.

Mike That's ambitious.

Riggan Well, thanks.

Mike Well, it's a good theater. I can't speak for your play, but let's, uh, let's do a little bit of it, yeah?

Riggan Oh, I didn't expect you to come in and, you know, just jump right in.

Mike It's first preview tomorrow night, man. Let's get to work.

Riggan Okay, well, you know, look...you know, feel free to take the script up until you feel comfortable.

Mike No, no, no, no, let's just...let's just do some of it.

Riggan All right. Okay, uh, hey, take a look at page 20.

Mike I'm good. I don't need that.

Riggan What?

Mike I don't need the script. Just give me a cue.

Riggan What are you talking about?

Mike Feed me a line.

Riggan Well, how...how are you gonna--

Mike Feed me a line.

Riggan Okay, all right. Okay, uh, let me think. Uh...yeah, uh... "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask, okay? I didn't actually know the man. I only heard his name mentioned in passing.

Mike Mm-hmm.

Riggan I don't know. You'd have to know the particulars, but I think what you're saying is love is absolute.

Mike Is that what I'm saying? Am I saying love is absolute? ...Yes. Okay, yeah. "The kind of love that I'm talking about is absolute. The kinda love that I'm talking about you don't try to kill people.

Riggan How do you know the lines?

Mike It's a thing I have, I don't know. it's a gift.

Riggan Wow, okay. Well, that's...

Mike Oh, come on, man. I've been--I've been helping Lesley get off book for like a month.

[chuckles]

Riggan Oh, right, right.

Mike These lines are...

[points to his head]

Riggan That makes sense.

Mike That's good, give me that cue again.

Riggan Okay, okay, "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the man. I've heard his name mentioned in passing, but, you know, I didn't know. You'd have to know the particulars. I think what you're saying, though, is that...

Mike Can I make a suggestion?

Riggan Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Mike I mean, do you mind?

Riggan No, no, no, not at all. Not at all.

Mike Oh, okay.

Riggan Take a look.

Mike No, no, for--forget that.

[referring to the script]

Riggan Okay.

Mike Just...stay with me.

Riggan Yeah.

Mike I'm the wrong person to ask," he says.

Riggan Right.

Mike But what is that? What's the intention in that?

Riggan I think...

Mike Is he fed up with the subject, so he's changing it? Is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that...

Riggan Right.

Mike ...that all say the same thing. "I didn't even know the man." "I only heard his name mentioned in passing." "I wouldn't know." "You'd have to know the particulars." And the particulars, I mean, it sounds like my grandmother, but--but the point is, you don't know the guy.

Riggan Right.

Mike We fucking get it...

Riggan Yeah.

Mike Make it work with one line. "I didn't even know the man." Right?

Riggan Right...wait, how do...you know my lines, too, huh?

Mike Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?

Riggan Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mike Can we just work on this...

Riggan Yeah, yeah, right, right.

Mike Tear it apart, whatever? So why don't you just give me that same thing again, but cut it down.

Riggan Uh-huh.

Mike Try it.

Riggan Okay.

Mike Just try it.

Riggan Uh... "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I didn't actually know the guy.

Mike Oh! No! But that's the thing, see? "I'm the wrong person to ask." What is it? I think it's "fuck you". Fuck you. Don't put me on the spot, man. Don't make me feel self-conscious about my marriage while my wife is sitting...

[pointing to table seats]

Riggan Right there.

Mike ...Right there.

Riggan Yeah.

Mike Can I sit down?

Riggan Yeah, sit, sit. Good idea.

Mike Okay. Thanks.

Riggan Yeah.

Mike So just give it to me as a "fuck you".

Riggan Alright.

Mike Try it, lay it on me.

Riggan Well, I'm thinking...

Mike Let's just do it.

Riggan Yeah.

Mike Give it to me. Fuck me hard.

Riggan Right.

Mike Just give it...

Riggan Okay.

Mike COME ON! DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! JUST FUCKING DO IT!

[slams hands on table]

Riggan HEY, I'M THE WRONG PERSON TO ASK! ALRIGHT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY, OKAY? WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

Mike What's my point?

Riggan YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR POINT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? SPIT IT OUT.

Mike Oh! Oh!

Riggan YOU'RE SAYING WHAT? What are you saying? You're saying love is absolute.

Mike YES! YES! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, IT IS ABSOLUTE! THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT...you don't... You don't try to kill people.

[slams his hand on the table and fake cries]

Riggan ...Yeah. Good.

Mike I don't know. What do you think, boss? You want to do this...with me?

Riggan Wow. Okay. What do you think?

[points to Sam]

Sam Everybody's back. Larry needs to see him for a fitting.

Mike I'll take that as a yes.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Gung Ho

Cultural Perspectives on Teamwork and Individualism

Kazihiro We know what we are doing. I see now why they gave me ribbons of shame. Because I was beginning to think like an American!

Kazihiro It's true! Everybody in this country thinks they are special. Nobody wants to be part of the team. They're all too busy getting personalized license plates. None of you would last two days in management training program.

Hunt Stevenson None of us would be stupid enough to stay two days.

Kazihiro You are all selfish, and that is what makes you weak.

Hunt Stevenson I'm weak? You don't even have the guts to stand up to your own boss! You're a real millie, you know that?

Kazihiro I am no millie!

Kazihiro You get out of here! You are fired! You don't work here any more.

Hunt Stevenson I'm fired?

Kazihiro Fired!

Hunt Stevenson That's great. That's fine with me. You guys think you're so hot. This factory's been running like shit!

Kazihiro It's run our way. The way that we know how! That's the way it is!

Hunt Stevenson Oh yeah?

Kazihiro Yeah!

Hunt Stevenson Oh yeah? Let me just tell you something. If you're so great, how come you lost the big one?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

A Discourse on Restaurant Offerings

Ray Kroc I was by your restaurant today too.

Jerry Cullen And, what about it?

Ray Kroc What about it? You got corn on the cob, you got fried chicken.

Jerry Cullen People love fried chicken.

Ray Kroc Do they? Well let them go somewhere where they serve fried chicken and your kitchen is filthy, like what the hell is the matter with you guys?

Jerry Cullen Look, Ray, I don't know about you, but I'm retired.

Jack Horford You said this would be a good place to park our money. It's an investment.

Jerry Cullen If I wanted a job, I would have applied for a cook position.

Ray Kroc You couldn't get a job as a cook at one of my restaurants.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

Divorce Settlement Priorities Discussed

Divorce Lawyer When quietly trying to settle a divorce, the first thing to ask is, what will she want? And is her request reasonable and equitable, in terms of marital property. There's a house, a car, savings and checking accounts, insurance.

Ray Kroc Just give it to her. House, car, insurance.

Divorce Lawyer What about the business?

Ray Kroc Nope.

[smiles]

Divorce Lawyer Ray, you have to understand, she's-

Ray Kroc Let me explain something to you. That's never going to happen. I would sooner die, than give her one share of stock in McDonald's.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

Chasing Dreams in Uncertain Times

Mac McDonald Well, we were young and hungry. There wasn't a job to be had in all of New Hampshire, so we decided to pack our bags and head west, to Hollywood. I wanted to be in the movie business, and Dick, well, he wanted to be...

[telling Kroc the story behind starting McDonald's]

Dick McDonald Employed.

Mac McDonald So, we landed jobs at Columbia Pictures, driving trucks.

Ray Kroc Huh.

Mac McDonald And after a few years, we've had enough saved to buy our own little piece of show business-a beautiful little movie theatre in Glendora, which would've been swell-except for the timing: it was September of 29.

Ray Kroc Oooh.

[cringes]

Mac McDonald One minute, we're screening The Gold Diggers of Broadway, and the next it's "Brother, can you spare a dime?

Dick McDonald I couldn't.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Gung Ho

Love for Country and Heritage

Hunt Stevenson I'm just crazy for your country. I mean, I love it. You know, my Dad was over here with the Army in about, uh, ...1945, uh, let's get started.

[to the Japanese executives before starting his sales pitch]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

RoboCop

Machines vs. Humanity in Law Enforcement Debate

Senator Hubert Dreyfuss I don't care how sophisticated these machines are, Mr. Sellers. A machine does not know what it feels like to be human. It can't understand the value of human life. Why should it be allowed to take one? To legislate over life and death, we need people who understand right from wrong. What do your machines feel?

Raymond Sellars Well, they feel no anger. They feel no prejudice. They feel no fatigue, which makes them ideal for law enforcement. Putting these machines on the streets will save countless American lives.

Dreyfuss You're evading the question.

Sellars No, I'm not.

Dreyfuss Yes, you're evading the question. I asked what do these machines feel? If one of them killed a child, what would it feel?

Sellars Nothing.

Dreyfuss And that's the problem. That's why 72% of Americans won't stand for a robot pulling the trigger.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

Cultural Identity and Economic Survival

Ray Kroc What's your name?

Leonard Rosenblatt Leonard. Leonard Rosenblatt.

Ray Kroc Rosenblatt? What's a Jew doing selling Catholic Bibles?

Leonard Rosenblatt Making a living.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

The Importance of Family in Business

Ray Kroc McDonald's... is... family. Isn't that great? You know what I see when I see that? Family. We're one big family. Aren't we? We have mouths to feed. That's a family.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Founder

The Pursuit of Opportunity and Success

Ray Kroc I'm looking for a few good men... and women. Who aren't afraid of hard work. Aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves. I'm looking for scrappers, hustlers, guys that are willing to roll up their sleeves. They're livin on drive, they got a little fire in their belly. I stand right here before you today, I'm gonna offer you something as precious as gold. And you know what that is? Anybody? Anybody? Opportunity. It's opportunity. Opportunity. Opportunity to advance, to move forward, to move up, to advance... To succeed. To win. To step up. The sky's the limit. The sky is the limit. Grab the brass ring. To give yourself a shot at the American dream. Put your arms around the American dream. Opportunity. Cause I'll tell ya somethin'... At McDonald's? It's like this great nation of ours... Some of that elbow grease. I guarantee ya, if you got the guts... the gumption, the desire... I guarantee ya you can succeed. There's gold to be had. At the end of... those Golden Arches... Golden Arches. Golden Arches. Now who's with me? Who wants to jump on that ladder to success? Be part of the McDonald's "mishpokhe". Now who's with me? Come on, lemme see some hands.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Tensions Rise Over Publicity Decisions

Jake Thanks for coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Were expecting some great pieces. Guys in publicity now want a Times feature, which is the worst idea right now. What are you doing?

[sighs; takes a deep breath, then looks up at Riggan]

Riggan I don't want to look at this anymore.

[takes down a Birdman poster]

Jake That was a present from the crew. Don't fuck with those guys. They're union.

Riggan I don't care.

Jake How'd it go?

Riggan Good.

Jake They talk about Ralph at all? He did it, you know. The motherfucker did it. Threatened to sue us. Didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.

Riggan What'd you say?

Jake What did I say?

Riggan Shit. Goddamn it. Where am I gonna put this?

[unable to find a good spot for the poster]

Jake I said, "You motherfucker, are you threatening me?" I swear to God, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is gonna get the pictures off your computer. That's what I said.

Riggan What pictures?

Jake He has a thing for nuns in diapers. Why do you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway. The point is, I made it go away.

Riggan That's right. That's great.

Jake Yeah, it is fantastic, except one thing.

Riggan What?

Jake We don't have an actor.

Riggan Uh-huh.

Jake And if we cancel the first preview, the press is gonna smell blood, and we can't afford to lose any more money at all.

Riggan Okay, what do you think I should do?

Jake Well, we hired an understudy. Let's use the understudy.

Riggan No.

Jake Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen. Our perfect dream actor is not gonna knock on that door and go, "Hey, fellas, when do I start?" You know?

[someone knocks on the door]

Lesley Can I talk to you for a second?

Riggan Yeah, what's up?

Lesley Did you find another actor?

Riggan No.

Lesley Okay, well, Mike's available.

Riggan He is?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan I thought he was doing the thing...

Lesley He was. He quit...or got fired.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan Which is it, Quit or Fired?

Lesley Well, with Mike, it's usually both.

Jake Mike fucking who?

Lesley Shiner.

Jake YES!

Riggan Jake.

Jake Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

Lesley We share a vagina.

Riggan You think he'd want to do it?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake How do you know?

Lesley Cause he told me he'd want to do it.

Riggan Jake, Jake.

Jake Yes! Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.

Riggan Fine, does he sell tickets?

Jake He sells a shitload of tickets.

Riggan Okay.

Jake Now ask me if the theater critics love him.

Riggan Do theater critics love him?

Jake They want to spooge on him.

Riggan Hey.

[to Jake, offended]

Jake Lesley.

Lesley Right on his face.

Jake Everything for a reason, right?

Riggan You think he'd come in this evening?

Lesley I'll call him and find out.

Jake I'll call his agent. Oh, baby. Amazing, amazing. Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights. We got a put-in tonight.

[kisses Lesley; whispering; walks downstairs]

Annie Who?

Jake You'll find out.

The Founder

Summarizing a Challenging Business Situation

Harry J. Sonneborn So to summarize, you have a minuscule revenue stream. No cash reserves. And an albatross of a contract that requires you to go through a slow approval process to enact changes if they're approved at all.

Ray Kroc Which they never are.

Harry J. Sonneborn Am I missing anything?

Ray Kroc That about sums it up.

Harry J. Sonneborn Tell me about the land.

Ray Kroc The... land?

Harry J. Sonneborn The land, the buildings, how that whole aspect of it works.

Ray Kroc Oh, pretty simple really. Franchisee finds a piece of land he likes. Gets a lease, usually 20 years. Takes out a construction loan, throws up a building and off he goes.

Harry J. Sonneborn So the operator selects the site.

Ray Kroc Yeah.

Harry J. Sonneborn He picks the property?

Ray Kroc Right.

Harry J. Sonneborn You provide the training, the system, the operational know-how, and he's responsible for the rest?

Ray Kroc Is there a problem?

Harry J. Sonneborn A big one. You don't seem to realize what business you're in. You're not in the burger business. You're in the real estate business. You don't build an empire off a 1.4 percent cut of a 15-cent hamburger. You build it by owning the land upon which that burger is cooked. What you ought to be doing is buying up plots of land then turning around and leasing said plots to franchisees who as a condition of their deal, should be permitted to lease from you and you alone. This will provide you with two things. One, a steady, up-front revenue stream. Money flows in before the first stake is in the ground. Two, greater capital for expansion. Which in turn fuels further land acquisition, which in turn fuels further expansion and so on and so on. Land. That's where the money is.

Mr. Mom

Seeking Help in Unfamiliar Tasks

Joan Can I give you a hand?

[at the supermarket]

Jack You can give me two I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Need for Speed

Cops and Racers: A Clash of Interests

Monarch I've got flying cops, I've got files in the ointment, I got CHP in the air all over the course, You add cops to the race and people get... Racers should race, cops should eat donuts!

The Founder

Work Ethic and Responsibility in Business

Ray Kroc If you've got time to lean, then you've got time to clean.

Need for Speed

A Wake-Up Call for Tobey Marshall

Monarch Tobey Marshall just let the Elemento get by him. That kid better wake up. Wake up, Tobey! Wake up and smell that $2 million dollar Lambo in your pocket.

Gung Ho

A Humorous Exchange About Workplace Challenges

Hunt Stevenson Hey, sugarpuss, what's cooking?

Secretary No, cooking... typing.

Hunt Stevenson Well, is your boss in?

Secretary Today not good day to see boss, man. He between a lock and a hard on.

[resorting to a book of quotes]

The Founder

A Question About Their Initial Meeting

Dick McDonald I just have to ask you one thing. Something I've never understood.

Ray Kroc All right.

Dick McDonald That day we met, when we gave you the tour...

Ray Kroc Uh-huh. What about it?

Dick McDonald We showed you everything. The whole system, all our secrets. We were an open book. So why didn't you just-

Ray Kroc Steal it? Just, grab your ideas and run off start my own business using all those ideas of yours. It- it would have failed.

Dick McDonald How do you know?

Ray Kroc Am I the only one who got the kitchen tour? You must have invited lots of people back there, huh?

Dick McDonald And?

Ray Kroc How many of them succeeded?

Dick McDonald Lots of people started restaurants.

Ray Kroc As big as McDonald's?

Dick McDonald Of course not.

Ray Kroc No one ever has and no one ever will because they all lacked that one thing, that makes McDonald's special.

Dick McDonald Which is?

Ray Kroc Even you don't know what it is.

Dick McDonald Enlighten me.

Ray Kroc It's not just the system, Dick. It's the name. That glorious name, "McDonald's". It could be... anything you want it to be. It's limitless, it's wide open. It sounds, uh... it sounds like... it sounds like America. That's compared to Kroc. "What a crock. What a load of crock". Would you eat at a place named Kroc's? Kroc's has that blunt, Slavic sound. "Kroc's". But McDonald's, oh boy. That's a beauty. Yeah... a guy named McDonald? He's never gonna get pushed around in life.

Dick McDonald That's clearly not the case.

[scoffs]

Ray Kroc So, you don't have a check for 1.35 million dollars in your pocket? Bye, Dick.

Dick McDonald So if you can't beat'em, buy'em.

Ray Kroc I remember the first time I saw that name stretched across your stand out there. It was love at first sight. I knew right then and there... I had to have it. And now I do.

Dick McDonald You don't have it.

Ray Kroc You sure about that? Bye, Dick.

Johnny Dangerously

Introducing Johnny Dangerously

Johnny Dangerously The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously.

Need for Speed

Assembling the Ultimate Racing Lineup

Monarch This is, by far the best De Leon I've ever put together. This is my David, man. This is my Pieta. This is my Soup Can. We've got our lineup, each driver takes his spot a the starting line. In the first row is English Paul in a ] and Dino Brewster in his ], Row two is the Gooch in a ], Texas Mike is in the ], and the third row has Johnny V in his ]. I'm looking at $7 million in cars, and thousand of housepower. Winner takes all. Loser's, y'all can walk home.

The Other Guys

Priorities in Law Enforcement and Community Safety

Captain Gene Mauch First thing's first: the new bath mats are here. Second thing: there's a serial rapist in Crown Heights... sorry, that's from my other job, ignore that. No, wait, don't ignore it, especially if you live in Crown Heights. Walk in pairs.

[to the Bed Bath & Beyond staff]

Mr. Mom

Troubles with Horizontal Hold and Communication

Doris (TV Repairwoman) Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?

Jack I don't know.

Doris (TV Repairwoman) Your wife says you do.

Jack Well, she ought to know... come on in...

Gung Ho

Cultural Differences in Business Expectations

Hunt Stevenson If you walk out that door, you're going to miss a great comeback. We're ready to roll here, Jack.

Mr. Sakamoto This will never be like a Japanese factory... Jack.

Hunt Stevenson Oh, yeah? You're right. You know what else? So what?

Mr. Sakamoto You failed.

Hunt Stevenson Really? You know what? I got one of the first cars ever made here. I got the first car ever - I don't think I want it anymore. As a matter of fact, here. Why don't you take the keys, OK? I'd rather have one of those cars. I'd rather have one of these cars that we made together, by hand. Your guys and my guys, together. You know why? Because those cars stand for something. Those cars stand for something pretty great. I'm proud of those cars. I'm taking one. Gentlemen, I'm going home in my new car!

[hands keys to Mr. Sakamoto; points to cars in assembly line; Turns to workers]

Hunt Stevenson I tell ya, I thought it handled great!

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Unpleasant Surroundings and Flower Preferences

Riggan How did we end up here? This place is horrible... Smells like balls. We don't belong in this shithole. ...Shit. Hey, Sam. Hi, hon.

[as Birdman; Riggan's video message on his computer goes off, breaking his trance; answers the call]

Sam Dad, what kind of... SHUT UP! ...What kind of flowers did you say you wanted?

[turns to yell at flower shop employee; to Riggan]

Riggan Alchemillas, or something that smells nice. You know, something soothing. Listen, I can't...

Sam It all smells like fucking kimchi!

Riggan Okay, something that looks nice. You know, anything but roses, okay?

[sighs]

Sam I hate this job.

Riggan I can't...

[Call drops]

The Founder

Profit Motivations and Business Disagreements

Ray Kroc Look, if you don't wanna make a profit, that's fine. But don't stop the rest of us.

Dick McDonald Us?

Ray Kroc Us, as in everyone but you.

Dick McDonald Who did you send them to?

Ray Kroc Everyone but you.

Dick McDonald You have no right. You are to stop this instant, is that clear?

Ray Kroc Nah...

Dick McDonald What the hell does that mean, nah? You will abide by the terms of your deal.

Ray Kroc I am through taking marching orders from you... You and your endless parade of NOs. Constantly cowering in the face of progress.

Dick McDonald If phony powdered milkshakes is your idea of progress, you have a profound misunderstand of what McDonald's is about.

Ray Kroc I have a far greater understanding of McDonald's than you two yokels.

Dick McDonald What? You will do as we say.

Ray Kroc Nope.

Dick McDonald You have a contract!

Ray Kroc You know, contracts are like hearts: they're made to be broken.

The Founder

Disagreement Over Hamburger Preparation at McDonald's

Ray Kroc What is this?

[Ray shoves a burger in Jack's face as he is about to tee off]

Jack Horford It appears to be a hamburger.

Ray Kroc It's not a McDonald's hamburger.

Ray Kroc Too much ketchup. Three pickles, not two. Lettuce. Lettuce, Jack?

Jack Horford Do you think we could discuss this later? We're in the middle of...

Ray Kroc And the patty, tragically overcooked.

[interrupts and shows Jack the inside of the hamburger]

Jerry Cullen I don't know, Ray, looks good to me.

Ray Kroc What the heck would you know about quality?

[glaring]

Night Shift

Invention and Luck at the Blackjack Table

Bill Blazejowski So there I was at the Blackjack table with all my wash n dries... did I tell you I had the idea for them first?

Memorable Quotes from Michael Keaton