Robin WilliamsQuotes

Mike Church: Why would she want to kill me now?

Cozy Carlisle: Why do women do anything?

Gray Baker: Why are you helping me?

Cozy Carlisle: I don't know. You smell good.

Cozy Carlisle: Hey, thumb-dick, I was a damn good shrink. In sixteen and a half years I worked with a lot of people through a lot of shit. Okay, I slept with a patient or two. It's not like I didn't care about em.

Mike Church: Okay.

Cozy Carlisle: I loved being a doctor. I used to not charge half my patients. Then the fuckin state comes along, they send some bitch undercover, and I'm fucked. It ain't fair, is it?

Cozy Carlisle: Someone's either a smoker or a nonsmoker. There's no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are and be that.

Mike Church: Yeah, well, you know, I'm — I'm trying to quit. So...

Cozy Carlisle: Don't tell me you're trying to quit. People who say they are trying to quit are basically pussies who cannot commit. Find out which one you are. Be that. That's it. If you're a nonsmoker, you'll know.

Ben: (Referring to Frank's marriage preparation course) I'm sorry, but this isn't mandatory right, because we're so ready to get married.

Sadie: More than most.

Reverend Frank: We highly recommend it.

Choir Boy: In other words, you have no choice.

Reverend Frank: [''to the audience''] You didn't actually think I was going to let you watch that, did you?

Reverend Frank: So, Ben. What do you do besides little Sadie, here?

Reverend Frank: I'm going to have to heal you. We have got to pray! We have got to pray! We have got to pray to make it through the day!

Ben: [''pause''] Was that M.C. Hammer?

Jack Moniker: Your Excellency. You're looking elegant this evening. Why are we graced with your imperial presence?

Governor Hayes: The fact is, one can smell the suntan oil and the frying female flesh right across the island. I was curious to see what was going on at this perverted passion pit you're running here. This orgy bin. Whatever you call this drug-crazed nipple ranch.

Jack Moniker: You know, I knew another proud, young, black man, like yourself, once. And I gave him some advice too. I told him, wear one glove - just one glove. The rest was history.

Ernest Reed: Who was that?

Jack Moniker: [[Willie Mays] ].

Jack Moniker: Check it out. What about those two?

Barry Steinberg: Eh... I don't think they're interested.

Barry Nye: Too tall.

Jack Moniker: Come on. They were just talking to me about you.

Barry Steinberg: No.

Barry Nye: Really? Then what?

Jack Moniker: They said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.

Jack Moniker: [creating a new slogan for his club] Club Paradise. Your Hot Spot For Fun With Guns in the Sun.

Jack Moniker: [to his girlfriend Phillipa Lloyd ("Miss Philadelphia") after being released from jail] Babe, this is the only country in the world where the constitution is written in pencil.

Jack Moniker: [yelling at Ernest] Oh Yeah! Rattan's gonna make a nice bulletproof barricade! Why don't you just build yourself a Wicker tank??

Jack Moniker: [to Ernest Reed, the owner of Club Paradise, during a storm] Oh, sure! Go start a revolution. It's not gonna look good on your resumé, you know!

Jack Moniker: Last time I smoked that stuff, they found me on top of the Sears Tower trying to build a nest.

Jack Moniker: I heard about this guy in Cicero, well he stiffed a loanshark, so a couple of these guys got him, cut off his arm, beat him to death with the arm, and shoved it in a food processor and made a dip out of it. Then they served it to his family at his sister's wedding. And the sister loved it so much, she wanted the recipe. It's a crazy world, isn't it?

Jack Moniker: [handing a fireman, Dave, a newspaper clipping] Read this, pal, and weep: "Paradise for pennies...a Garden of Eden, built on a secluded lagoon with its own private dock and speedboat included. Contact Mr. Banks, St. Nicholas.

Rainbow Randolph: Friends Come in all Sizes!

Rainbow Randolph: [to Sheldon; starts singing to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm; stars to cry; covers his face] Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses! I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave...and this is my kingdom! Rainbow Randolph is the man; Yes, oh, yes, he is! He's the king of Rainbowland; Yes, oh, yes, he is! With some fun, fun here and a laugh, laugh there, Here a dance, there a song; everything is fun, fun! Rainbow Randolph is the King La, la, la, la...

Rainbow Randolph: [after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen; heavy Irish accent] All right, you spudsucking fucks! I'm suing your Riverdance ass! I'm gonna send you all the way back home, eh?!

Rainbow Randolph: [after getting egged; [w:Salmonella|Salmonella] I've been shot! I'm bleeding! ]! You're a lawyer! That's salmonella!

Rainbow Randolph: [to a baby, after framing Sheldon] Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhino's a Nazi!

Rainbow Randolph: [[worms; makes an elephant noise] You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until ] are crawling right up your foamy rubber ass! I'm going on a safari, motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I!

Rainbow Randolph: [Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph] What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you dumb fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! Yeah, it's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough.

Rainbow Randolph: Even when you're squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud.

Rainbow Randolph: [[w:Barney and Friends|Barney; [w:Teletubbies|Teletubby; [w:The Muppets|Muppet] I despise you... I LOATHE YOU!!! Bastard son of ]! Die! Die, you stuffed ball of fluff! You illegitimate ]! Die, you ] from hell! Die, you foam motherfucker! Die! Die!

Dale Putley: Do you have a boyfriend?

Woman with broken car: No!

Dale Putley: Good! Me neither!

Jack Lawrence: What happened?

Dale Putley: He poured hot coffee all over me. Took my clothes and he ran away.

Jack Lawrence: Don't cry! Now where is he?

Dale Putley: I don't know.

Jack Lawrence: I don't like you.

Nikki: Well, Scotty, you're boring. I liked you for a while, but now I can't stand looking at you. Even your voice makes me sick.

Dale Putley: That was lovely.

Jack Lawrence: Yes, Hallmark is waiting for you.

Dale Putley: Jack, look at this.

Jack Lawrence: It's money. I remember it from when I was single.

Dale Putley: How did you get her husband to talk?

Jack Lawrence: I head-butted him.

Dale Putley: [[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci] How ] of you. What are gonna do with her, run her through the Visa machine?

Jack Lawrence: [[Lou Gehrig] You're a tragic hero. You're ].

Dale Putley: Who?

Jack Lawrence: [[Lou Gehrig; [Lou Gehrig; [Lou Gehrig] ]. Everybody knows ]. The baseball player. He died of ]'s Disease.

Dale Putley: Wow, what are the odds on that?

Dale Putley: For years I've thought about killing myself. It's the only thing that kept me going.

Parry: What do you think of the death penalty?

John: [[Death; [gift] ] is definitely a penalty! It ain't no fuckin ]!

Jack Lucas: I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.

Parry: I know.

Jack Lucas: A very nice psychotic man.

Parry: Thank you.

Jack Lucas: [[King Arthur; [w:Guinevere|Guinevere] Where would ] be without ]?

Parry: Happily married, probably.

Jack Lucas: [[example] Well, that's a bad... that's a bad ].

Thug: What're you, a fag?

Parry: [[believe; [fairies] Fag? No, but I do ] in ].

Parry: [singing] Lydia, Oh Lydia. Say have you met Lydia? Lydia that Tattooed Lady!

Parry: What were the crusades? The pope's publicity stunt?

Parry: Jack, I may be going out on a limb here, but you don't seem like a happy camper.

Parry: [[night; [courage; [Holy Grail; [God; [heart; [reason; [faith] It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the ] alone in the forest to prove his ] so he can become king. Now while he is spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the ], symbol of ]'s divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the grail so that it may heal the ]s of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the grail, and the grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its ]. He had no ] in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you friend?" The king replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the holy grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty." It's very beautiful, isn't it?

Parry: There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.

Parry: [[knight] I'm a ] on a special quest.

Popeye: [to Bluto, after beating him up for mistaking SweePea is his and Olive's] Don't thinks I blames ya, cause I don't. Nope.

Popeye: [when Bluto sinks him during a fight] Goodnight, Irene!

Popeye: [cartoon version] Hey, what's this? One of Bluto's tricks? I'm in the wrong movie.

Popeye: [to the Oyls when they enter the gambling den] Oh, what is this? A house of ill repukes? Ooh, who'd bring me infant to this den of immoraliky? Don't touch nothin'. You might get a venerable disease.

Popeye: [singing] And I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I gotta lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I never hurts nobody and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and bottom to me top / That's the way it is til the day that I drop, what am I / I yam what I yam

Popeye: [to the prostitute] Oh, what am I? Some kind of barnicle on the dinghy of life? Oh, I ain't no doctors, but I knows when I'm losing me patiensk. What am I? Some kind of judge or lawyers? Maybe not, but I knows what law suitks me. Careful there, don't ruffle me feathers. What am I? I ain't no physcikisk, but I knows what matters. What am I? I'm Popeye the Sailor.

Popeye: Bluto, even though you're larger than me, you can't wins, cause you bad, and the good always wins over the bad.

Popeye: If I was gonna be Swee'Pea's mother, I should've at least let Olive be his father. Or viska versa. I ain't man enough to be no mother.

Popeye: I know you ain't down there. Truth is you ain't here. Now, where ain't you? Where ain't me Swee'Pea?

Popeye: Another thing I got is a sensk of humiligration. Now, maybe you swabs can pool your intelligensk and sees that I'm axsking you for an apologeky.

Popeye: Eau de toilette, yeh, eau de toilette.

Popeye: [to a photo of his Pappy] Poppa. Pretty soon, you and me are going to be together again, huh? Yeah. Thirty years ain't that long. Besides, next Wednesday's our annual-versity. Yeah? Yeah. Stay alive. That's all I'm axskin you. Good night, Poppa.

Bob Munro: [Cassie: We all are, Dad.] You're just determined to have a bad time, aren't you? Not me. I embrace every challenge.

Bob Munro: Todd, I quit.

Bob Munro: [to Carl] It's gonna be a regular Field of Dreams moment for us, buddy.

Bob Munro: Sewage tank is overflowing.

Bob Munro: We have to hang together and stay strong.

Bob Munro: [angrily] We watch TV in four separate rooms and we IM each other when dinner's ready.

Bob Munro: [about Travis] Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

Zach: I think "scat" is poop.

Dan: Really, son?

Zach: Yeah.

Charlie: You wiped poop on my face?

Dan: Yeah. Scat happens, man.

Charlie: [[Friday the 13th (1980 film)|Friday the 13th; [Friday the 13th Part 2|2] The kids have never seen ], part 1 or ]!

Vicki: Oh, my God!

Dan: [[The Wizard of Oz] He's kidding. He's a kidder. He was scared of ]. He's kidding. The monkeys got him in the nuts.

Yancy: You ladies ready to play a little Ultimate Frisbee?

Dan: I think so, Mr. Testosterone!

Dan: If I'm going to be an old dad, you're going to be an Uncle Charlie. We can do this.

Charlie: We?

Andrew: Sir, is everything all right? Sir: Umm. They've both gone now, Andrew. Well, things change, things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. But, what I realized today is that I'll never stop missing them. Andrew: Sir? One is still here. Sir: And one is glad of that, Andrew. Thank you.

Armand Goldman: Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast.

Armand Goldman: [to Albert; [W:Key Biscayne|Key Biscayne; sigh] My cemetery's in ]. It's one of the prettiest in the world. The sky is blue, palm trees, rolling hills. The one is Los Copa's really shit. What a pain in the ass you are. And it's true: you're not young, you're not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I'm still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that shithole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh.

Armand Goldman: Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks.

Armand Goldman: [[w:Bob Fosse|Fosse; [Martha Graham; [w:Twyla Tharp|Twyla; [w:Michael Kidd|Michael Kidd; [Madonna (entertainer)|Madonna] You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do ], Fosse, Fosse! You do ], Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or ], Twyla, Twyla! Or ], Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or ], Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside.

Chris Nielsen: [[moments; [God; [kindness; [children; [proud] I'm sorry, babe, but there's some things I have to say. I've only got a few ] left. I'm sorry for all the things I'll never give you. I'll never buy you another meatball sub with extra sauce — that was a big one! I'll never make you smile. I just wanted us to be old together, just two old farts laughin at each other as our bodies fell apart, together at the end by that lake in your painting. That was our Heaven, see? There's lots of things to miss: books, naps, kisses, and fights! ], we had some great ones. Thank you for those. Thank you for every ]. Thank you for our ]. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always ] to be with. For your guts. For your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. You were my life. I apologize for every time I failed you. Especially this one.

Chris Nielsen: He was a coward! Being strong, not giving up, it was just his place to hide. He pushed away the pain so hard, disconnected himself from the person he loved the most... Sometimes, when you win, you lose.

Chris Nielsen: Sometimes, when you win, you lose.

Chris Nielsen: I found you in Hell, don't you think I can find you in Jersey!?

Chris Nielsen: Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves. I know I can't. But I can forgive you.

Chris Nielsen: What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.

Chris Nielsen: If I was going through fucking HELL, I'd only want one person in the whole goddamn world by my side.

Chris Nielsen: There's a man Ian never got to know, the man he was growing up to be. He's a good-looking clear-eyed fella... about 25. I can see him. He's the type of guy men want to be around, because he has integrity, you know? He has character. You can't fake that. And he's a guy women want to be around, too. Because there's tenderness in him... respect... and loyalty, and courage. And women respond to that. Makes him a terrific husband, this guy. I see him as a father. That's where he really shines. See, when he looks in his kid's eyes and that kid knows that his dad really, really sees him... he sees who he is. Then that child knows that he is an amazing person. He's quite a guy... that he'll never get to meet. I wish I had.

Chris Nielsen: That's when I realized I'm part of the problem. Not because I remind you. But because I couldn't join you. So I left you alone. Don't give up, okay?

Chris Nielsen: A whole human life is just a heartbeat here in Heaven. Then we'll all be together forever.

Chris Nielsen: What some folks call impossible, is just stuff they haven't seen before.

Chris Nielsen: Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates — one's not much without the other?

Chris Nielsen: Annie, I'm here. I still exist.

Chris Nielsen: * To his dog

Chris Nielsen: A place where we all go can't be bad, can it girl?

Chris Nielsen: * After meeting his dog in the afterlife

Chris Nielsen: [[dog; [Heaven] Boy, I screwed up. I'm in ] ]!

Chris Nielsen: When I was young, I met this beautiful girl by a lake.

Sergeant Major Dickerson: Ten-hut.

BG Taylor: [''Turns to Adrian''; ''Pauses, glancing at SGM Dickerson''] At ease. Cronauer, I'm sorry as hell about this thing. Goddamnit, I like you, son. I like what you do. Most of all, I like what you've done for the men. But fact's a fact. This could give the Army a black eye. I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.

Adrian Cronauer: Sir- what about the show?

BG Taylor: We'll handle it. I'm sorry, son.

A1C Adrian Cronauer: Why'd you do this?

Sergeant Major Dickerson: I don't like your style, your politics or your sense of humor. I don't like what you say or how you say it. From now on the fighting men of Vietnam will hear exactly what they're supposed to hear. You're on a DC-8 out of Tan Sun Nhut Airport tomorrow morning- I recommend you pack quietly. That's all I have for you, Airman.

A1C Adrian Cronauer: [''SGM Dickerson looks up''] You know? You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any other white man in history.

BG Taylor: Whoa, there, Dick. Put the brakes on. I wanted to wait until Airman had left to talk with you. Dick, I'm transferring you.

Sergeant Major Dickerson: [''Startled''] Transferring me, sir?

BG Taylor: Mm-hmm.

Sergeant Major Dickerson: Where to, sir?

BG Taylor: You're goin to Guam.

Sergeant Major Dickerson: Guam, Sir?! There's nothing goin on in Guam! Why Guam?

BG Taylor: Dick, I've covered for you a lot of times, cause I thought you was a little crazy. But you're not crazy, you're mean. And this is just radio.

BG Taylor: More dire need of a blowjob than any other white man in history". That's funny.

Leslie Zevo: * commenting on the absurd amount of space the General is taking up for his "production

Leslie Zevo: He better be making something really cute, or I'm gonna be pissed.

Young Sarah Whittle: I'm starting to forget what it's like to be a grown-up.

Young Alan Parrish: That's okay. As long as we don't forget each other.

Young Sarah Whittle: [She kisses him] Or Judy and Peter. Alan, there's something I've been wanting to do and I better do it before I feel too much like a kid.

Young Alan Parrish: They probably don't teach driver training in the sixth grade, huh?

All:

Sarah Whittle: Merry Christmas. Wanna try one of these?

All:

Alan Parrish: [on the phone, to Sam] No, Dad. It's a new cross-trainer. It's doing fabulous. It's not a bra. It's a shoe.

Sarah Whittle: Honey, they're here.

Alan Parrish: Dad, I gotta run. Merry Christmas. We'll pick you up at the airport. You'll be the best Christmas gift of all. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. They're here.

Sarah Whittle: Come on. Let's go.

Alan Parrish: Pardon me. Jim, glad you could make it.

Jim Shepherd: Thanks. This is my wife, Martha.

Alan Parrish: Hi, Martha. This is Sarah.

Martha Shepherd: Hi, Sarah.

Jim Shepherd: Where are the kids?

Alan Parrish: Oh, my God, there they are.

Martha Shepherd: How'd you know?

Sarah Whittle: A guess. A guess, of course. They're your kids.

Jim Shepherd: You're right. These are our children. Judy and Peter. Kids, say hi to Mr. and Mrs. Parrish.

Peter Shepherd: Nice to meet you.

Judy Shepherd: Nice to meet you.

Alan Parrish: You're just like we remembered you. I feel like we know so much about them because, you know--

Sarah Whittle: You've told Alan so much about them.

Alan Parrish: And I told her.

Sarah Whittle: Yeah.

Alan Parrish: I'll go get the presents.

Sarah Whittle: Sure, honey. Well, we love children.

Alan Parrish: Merry Christmas.

Peter Shepherd: Cool!

Alan Parrish: So, when can you start?

Jim Shepherd: Well, actually, Martha and I were thinking of taking a little skiing holiday in the Canadian Rockies.

Alan and Sarah: [all chatter stops] No!

Alan Parrish: Sorry. We-- We just--

Sarah Whittle: Need you to get that marketing done on the new line… pronto.

Jim Shepherd: No problem. I could probably start next week. That'd be great.

Alan Parrish: Let me introduce you to the rest of the folks you'll be working with. Come on in. Our house was your house. Is, anytime you like.

All:

French speaking Girl: What's that noise?

Alan Parrish: Jumanji.

Van Pelt: Huh?

Alan Parrish: [louder; Van Pelt gun crooks and fires] It's Jumanji.

Sarah Whittle: [jumpa out in front of the bullet; Van Pelt shoots a bullet which disintegrates as he and everything from the game gets sucked back in] No, Alan, no!

Sam Parrish: [entering the house] I forgot my speech notes.

Young Alan Parrish: [Hugs Sam] I'm so glad you're back.

Sam Parrish: I've only been gone five minutes.

Young Alan Parrish: It seems like a lot longer to me.

Sam Parrish: See, I thought you told me you were never gonna talk to me again.

Young Alan Parrish: [sadly] Whatever I said, Dad, I'm sorry.

Sam Parrish: Look, Alan, I was angry. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry. Look, you don't have to go to Cliffside if you don't want to. Let's talk it over tomorrow, man-to-man.

Young Alan Parrish: How about father-to-son?

Sam Parrish: All right. Hey, I gotta get going. I'm the guest of honor.

Young Alan Parrish: Dad? Back in nineteen six-- I mean, today in the factory, it wasn't Carl Bentley's fault. I put the shoe on the conveyor belt.

Sam Parrish: I'm glad you told me, son. Thanks.

Young Alan Parrish: Bye, Dad.

Sam Parrish: Good-bye.

Young Alan Parrish: [remembers something] Holy smokes! Judy and Peter!

Young Sarah Whittle: Alan. They're not there. It's 1969. They don't even exist yet.

Alan Parrish: Sarah!

Sarah Whittle: What?

Alan Parrish: It's your turn. You can finish if you roll a 7.

Sarah Whittle: I can't roll!

Alan Parrish: Put the dice in your mouth--

Sarah Whittle: Judy! Bring the game! Hurry!

Peter Shepherd: [Peter chops the poisonous plant in half with the axe] Judy! Judy, are you okay?

Judy Shepherd: [pulls out the barb] I'm fine. Help them.

Sarah Whittle: [puts them in Sarah’s mouth and she spits them out onto the game.; the mansion is separating] Come on, Judy. Gimme the dice! "You're almost there with much at stake, but now the ground begins to quake.

Peter Shepherd: Judy!

Sarah Whittle: Oh, my God!

Alan Parrish: What?

Judy Shepherd: [the barb has injured Judy] I wish Mom and Dad were here.

Peter Shepherd: So do I.

Alan Parrish: Our only chance is if we finish the game!

Sarah Whittle: It's your turn!

Alan Parrish: Oh, my God. Get the game! The game!

Sarah Whittle: No, I won't let you go! Alan!

Van Pelt: [Alan grabs the two dice; Alan does so; pauses; to Alan's hand in two dices; Alan drops the dice onto the game, but the other dice falls into the crack below] Don't move! Stand up. What's in your hand? Drop it. End of the line, Sunny Jim. Game's up. Stop running.

Alan Parrish: No.

Van Pelt: Aren't you afraid?

Alan Parrish: [The dice keep rolling into the fissure] I'm terrified. But, my father told me, you should always face what you're afraid of.

Van Pelt: [laughs] Good lad. You're finally acting like a man. Any last words?

Alan Parrish: Come on. Okay, it's my turn. I've got it. Colonel Mustard in the library with a wrench. Clue.

Alan Parrish: Beware the ground on which you stand, the floor is quicker than the sand.

Sarah Whittle: Alan!

Alan Parrish: Help me.

Sarah Whittle: Okay. Stay calm. Don't struggle. Stay calm.

Alan Parrish: I'm calm.

Judy Shepherd: Alan! Grab on!

Alan Parrish: Pull. Okay, I got it. Pull!

Sarah Whittle: Stay calm!

Alan Parrish: Come on.

Sarah Whittle: Oh, good! I got you.

Alan Parrish: Stop giving me things that come apart!

Judy Shepherd: There is a lesson--

Sarah Whittle: All right.

Judy Shepherd: There is a lesson you will learn:

Sarah Whittle: I got you.

Judy Shepherd: [the floor becomes quicksand; Sarah tries to pull Alan up, but also gets stuck] sometimes you must go back a turn.

Sarah Whittle: Did I hurt you?

Alan Parrish: Oh, no.

Sarah Whittle: Oh, dear.

Alan Parrish: Oh, thank you, Judy. Thank you. That was quick thinking. Sarah and I would like to get out of the floor, so it's your turn, Peter.

Peter Shepherd: Okay.

Sarah Whittle: I thought I lost you again.

Alan Parrish: Thanks for stickin around this time.

Peter Shepherd: Need a hand while you just wait, we'll help you out, we each have…eight?

Alan Parrish: [spiders appear] What's that? What is it?

Sarah Whittle: Nothing. Waah!

Alan Parrish: You don't go "Waah!" for nothing.

Sarah Whittle: Oh, my.

Alan Parrish: Peter! My dad kept an axe in the woodshed. Go get it.

Peter Shepherd: Okay.

Alan Parrish: Hurry! Go, go, go!

Judy Shepherd: Sarah!

Aunt Nora: Judy? Peter?

Peter Shepherd: Aunt Nora, it's me, Peter.

Aunt Nora: [shocked at Peter's appearance and seeing Alan’s legs protruding from the ceiling; she backs into the closet] Oh, God!

Peter Shepherd: [locks her in the closet] Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'll explain later.

Sarah Whittle: Shouldn't we play someplace else?

Alan Parrish: No. I grew up in this. It's out there that scares me.

Sarah Whittle: Okay, it's my turn.

Judy Shepherd: Sarah, if you roll a 12, you win.

Sarah Whittle: Okay, ready? Here I go.

Alan Parrish: It's okay.

Sarah Whittle: Every month at the quarter moon, there'll be a monsoon… in your lagoon." Monsoon. Well, at least we're inside.

Alan Parrish: Yeah, right.

Sarah Whittle: Well, a little rain never hurt anybody.

Alan Parrish: Yeah, but a lot could kill ya. Come on. Make way.

Sarah Whittle: What do we do now?

Alan Parrish: We get to higher ground!

Sarah Whittle: Okay.

Alan Parrish: [a crocodile suddenly appears] Come on! Stay together! Peter! You all right, Peter? Judy!

Sarah Whittle: Alan.

Alan Parrish: What?

Saran Whittle: What is that?

Alan Parrish: Ah! Swim! Go! Go!

Sarah Whittle: Alan!

Alan Parrish: Judy, swim fast! Move! Keep goin'! Get on the table! Peter, get out of the water! On the chandelier! Come on, Sarah.

Judy Shepherd: Peter!

Alan Parrish: Hang on, Sarah!

Judy Shepherd: Are you okay?

Sarah Whittle: Where is he? Alan!

Judy Shepherd: Alan!

Aunt Nora: Judy! Peter!

Carl Bentley: Ma'am, step back and let me handle this, please. It's probably nothing. They probably left the TV on too loud.

Aunt Nora: Peter! Judy!

Carl Bentley: [kicks the door. The pressure from the water blows the doors off and they are surfing down the street on the doors as a crocodile swims next to them] I always wanted to do this. Could you step back, please?

Alan Parrish: Alan, give me your hand.

Judy Shepherd: Alan!

Peter Shepherd: Grab my hand!

Alan Parrish: I got it! No!

Peter Shepherd: Alan!

Alan Parrish: Hey. Take the game. Here you go. You okay?

Sarah Whittle: Yeah. Alan, you wrestled an alligator for me.

Alan Parrish: It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg. Come on.

Sarah Whittle: My mistake.

Carl Bentley: Turn the siren off. Right there!

Alan Parrish: I got it.

Carl Bentley: Okay!

Van Pelt: Stop your cringing, woman. I could have shot you at any moment.

Sarah Whittle: Then why didn't you?

Van Pelt: You didn't roll the dice. Alan did.

Carl Bentley: There it is. Hit the brakes. Hit the brakes!

Alan Parrish: I'm hittin em.

Carl Bentley: Hit the brakes!

Alan Parrish: I'm hittin the brakes!

Van Pelt: He should be here any moment.

Alan Parrish: [the car plows into the store knocking shelves over and burying Van Pelt in paint cans] Sarah! You're all right?

Sarah Whittle: Yes.

Alan Parrish: Where's Peter?

Peter Shepherd: I'm here.

Alan Parrish: Oh, great.

Self-help tape: So remember, circumstances are never ever out of your control. End of tape three.

Carl Bentley: [using a hacksaw to free himself from the door] I got it.

Sarah Whittle: Alan, talk to him. Please?

Alan Parrish: What? We don't have time for this, okay?

Sarah Whittle: I know, but he's a kid and he was trying to help.

Alan Parrish: All right.

Sarah Whittle: Thank you.

Alan Parrish: [to Peter] I warned you about this, Peter. No, you wanted to play the game. What, are you crying? You don't cry, all right? You keep your chin up. Keep your chin up. Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem, you face it like a man.

Alan Parrish: I'm sorry. Twenty-six years buried in the jungle and I still became my father. It's okay. Come here. I'm sorry. Hey. It's all right. Remember what you told me? It's all right to be afraid.

Peter Shepherd: It's not that.

Alan Parrish: [whispers in Alan's ear; pulls Peter's tail out of his pants; The house has turned into a swamp] What is it? Okay. Ready? Don't worry. We're gonna have you turned back into your old self in no time flat. Cause we're gonna go in here, and together, we're gonna sit down, we're gonna finish that game, no matter what. Suddenly, I feel right at home.

Carl Bentley: Lorraine, this is Carl. I know who's behind this. I'm headin to the Parrish place. Gimme backup. Lorraine?

Aunt Nora: Wait!

Carl Bentley: Now what?

Aunt Nora: Stop! Wait, stop!

Carl Bentley: Is there a problem, ma'am?

Aunt Nora: Can I have a ride home?

Carl Bentley: Where do you live?

Aunt Nora: Jefferson Street. The old Parrish place.

Carl Bentley: Do you have children? A boy and a girl?

Aunt Nora: Oh, my God! What happened?

Carl Bentley: [a vine from the game has taken Carl's cop car] Get in. I'll explain it on the way. Fine! Take it! We gotta get to that house.

Sarah Whittle: Thank you. Come on.

Judy Shepherd: What's going on?

Sarah Whittle: [monkeys on a police motorcycle ride by] Apparently there's a sale happening. You just saw three monkeys go by on a motorcycle, didn't you?

Judy Shepherd: Yes.

Sarah Whittle: [they go up to an ATM but discover it's out of service] Good girl. Come on. Well, maybe we can bail him out with a check.

Van Pelt: [takes the game back] Thanks. You tell that sniveling coward from me, if he wants-- Hey! Get out of my way! Give me that, boy!

Peter Shepherd: [Peter is trapped in a car due to a rhino crushing it] Hey! Help me! Get me outta here!

Sarah Whittle: It's all right.

Judy Shepherd: Oh, my God, Peter.

Sarah Whittle: [They run to Sir Sav-a-Lot.] Come on.

Judy Shepherd: [spots the game on a counter] There it is!

Sarah Whittle: [she goes to retrieve it] Wait here.

Van Pelt: [catches Sarah] Got ya, girlie. When Alan hears of your predicament, he'll come.

Sarah Whittle: He doesn't know I'm here, so this isn't gonna work. I'm going.

Van Pelt: Don't move or I'll blow your blinking brains out!

Sarah Whittle: Call the cops!

Van Pelt: That should do it, don't ya think?

Sarah Whittle: Oh, yeah.

Judy Shepherd: [uses the scanner to temporarily blind Van Pelt] Price check!

Alan Parrish: If you let me go, I can stop all this. It sounds like something out of the Twilight Zone, but it's true. Please. You gotta help me on this.

Carl Bentley: [removing the handcuffs; throws the handcuff keys and handcuffs Carl to the door] I know I'm gonna regret it. Just hold still. There. I let you go. Now what are we gon’ do?

Alan Parrish: You are gonna stay here.

Carl Bentley: Those are my keys!

Alan Parrish: It's for your own good. You just stay there.

Carl Bentley: My handcuff keys. Wait.

Alan Parrish: This is something I have to do.

Carl Bentley: Alan!

Alan Parrish: You'll thank me someday.

Carl Bentley: Lorraine, come in. Lorraine!

Alan Parrish: What's Sir Sav-a-lot?

Carl Bentley: It's a discount store.

Alan Parrish: Move over.

Carl Bentley: Wait. Gently.

Alan Parrish: All right. Don't worry. I've done this before once.

Alan Parrish: Where's Sir Sav-a-Lot?

Carl Bentley: Monroe and Elm.

Alan Parrish: The Episcopal church.

Carl Bentley: No, it's not a church anymore. Now it's a Speedy Burger, or at least it was. I don't know what's left of it. People in this town are goin loopy.

Sarah Whittle: Judy!

Alan Parrish: We got company.

Carl Bentley: [The same monkeys from before ride up] It's all right. That's a traffic cop. He'll back us up.

Judy Shepherd: Here's the game.

Sarah Whittle: Come on. Get outta here.